SPECIALTIES

Anxiety Issues

Years in Practice

25 years +

where

New York (and Rhinebeck) NY 10001 - United States

Credentials

ACSW, BCD, LCSW, PhD

Additional Expertise

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I Believe

My passion in life is to help individuals and couples quickly find solutions to even the most challenging issues, so that they can reconnect with a new sense of possibility and joy for what life can truly be.

The short-term, solution-oriented approach focuses on the future rather than the past. In our work together you will quickly learn how to shift your perspective from one in which you may feel frustrated, stuck, scared or angry, to a perspective, in which you will find the intension, the will, the compassion, and the wisdom you need to move forward.

It is a simple, fun, yet powerful approach, based on 35 years of experience, and described in my book, <a href=" http://www.amazon.com/Out-Box-Life-Being-Choice/dp/0060191007/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0 " Out of the Box for Life: Being Free is Just a Choice </a>
Out of the Box for Life: Being Free is Just a Choice (HarperCollins).

I am also the only  therapist in the NYC area, who is certified by John Grey, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

Through our work, you will learn to rapidly resolve most issues in your life, by shifting your perspective to one that will immediately reveal the path to creating the life, and the relationship that you truly want.

I look forward to speaking with you about what we can resolve and create together. That’s a pretty exciting possibility!

About Warren Berland

My passion in life is to help individuals and couples quickly find solutions to even the most challenging issues, so that they can reconnect with a new sense of possibility and joy for what life can truly be.

The short-term, solution-oriented approach focuses on the future rather than the past. In our work together you will quickly learn how to shift your perspective from one in which you may feel frustrated, stuck, scared or angry, to a perspective, in which you will find the intension, the will, the compassion, and the wisdom you need to move forward.

It is a simple, fun, yet powerful approach, based on 35 years of experience, and described in my book, Out of the Box for Life: Being Free is Just a Choice (HarperCollins).

I am also the only therapist in the NYC area, who is certified by John Grey, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

Through our work, you will learn to rapidly resolve most issues in your life, by shifting your perspective to one that will immediately reveal the path to creating the life, and the relationship that you truly want.

I look forward to speaking with you about what we can resolve and create together. That’s a pretty exciting possibility!
 

Warren Berland Success Stories

From Anger to Intimacy

Couples

Larry and Mimi are in their early forties and have been together for six years. She is a successful lawyer, working hard to make partner in her firm. He is a writer who is quite involved in spiritual study. He had become extremely frustrated by their lack of time together and their low level of intimacy. He told me during our initial telephone conversation that he was very doubtful that their relationship would survive, and was angry and disappointed. The couple’s therapist, who had been working with them for many months, recommended that they see me before a final decision was made, and they agreed.more

They came to the first session highly skeptical that anything could bring their relationship back together. They were each extremely angry and blaming the other. Larry felt that Mimi treated him with little respect, and Mimi felt that Larry was condescending, and very critical of her. They were both prone to very angry, and long-lasting fights.

In the second session, I taught them to get out of the box. Larry realized that the out-of-the-box perspective was much like what he had experienced at other times during his spiritual practice. It meant so much to him to discover that this perspective was available at any time he chose to access it. Mimi also recalled other moments in her life when she felt free and joyful. One such time was when she and Larry had taken a hike together and had found a beautiful spot by the water to sit and talk. She recalled that it was a magical moment of intimacy and connection for them. While still skeptical that she could access this sense of connection when she was angry, or that it would make much difference in their relationship, she agreed to try during the next few weeks.


During that time, they each had great insight into what had been going wrong, and how they could correct it. Larry saw how his frustration was making it impossible to find his loving feelings for Mimi. He realized that from out of the box he would never choose to be so angry at her because his love was more important than his anger. Nor did his anger reflect the kind of spiritual person he considered himself to be. From this perspective, he experienced his strong commitment to the relationship. He realized how his anger and disappointment had created a deep division between them, and he no longer wanted that distance. He wanted instead to focus on creating a loving environment at home.

From out of the box, Mimi fully experienced Larry’s love for her for the first time in years. She saw how his anger was really his pain. She experienced how she had kept him away from her because of her resentment about how he was treating her, and her own fear of being intimate. She accepted her part of the responsibility for the problems in the relationship. Until that time, she had been denying her ambivalence about balancing career and marriage. Now she could speak about it, and Larry could hear it without feeling rejected or threatened, because he felt her love. They both experienced a renewed sense of hope and commitment.

Over the coming months, we met every two to three weeks to discuss their progress, and begin to look at their vision for the future together. The pervasive anger between them had all but disappeared as they interacted with each other from a respectful, caring place. Their focus turned to healing their relationship rather than creating distance and winning arguments. They often got out of the box not only to communicate in a more loving way, but also to be able to be open to each other’s needs and wants.

They learned from this perspective how to listen without defensiveness or blame. When the ego was not in charge, they were able to experience their own longing for connection and intimacy. The changes were not automatic, they were sought after, and worked for, but they now had the resources within themselves to accomplish what they wanted.

Larry left a message on my answering machine one evening saying that he had hoped for a miracle, and in fact it had happened. Several weeks later Mimi called to report that their intimacy had become incredible, but she was “not going to tell me the details” over the phone. Soon after, Larry left another message on my answer machine early one Sunday morning (with Mimi giggling in the background) saying,
“If the rest of our romantic evenings go as well as they did last night, we’re going to have a Great marriage! We do have a great marriage. We had a fun time last night, and we had a sweet time, and a spicy time, and we’re happy to share it with you. Happy Thanksgiving!”

His heart was so wide open, I could feel it in my toes.

Today, they are even closer, and say that their relationship has never been as loving as it now is, nor had their level of communication ever been so pure. Mimi requested and received a transfer to a position with less pressure, shorter hours, and less travel. They bought their first home and are planning to have a child.
 

Choosing Life Over Pain

Single women

 more

At a psychotherapy conference in California, I met a psychologist named Ilene. We began to discuss our different orientations to therapy. She is psychoanalytically trained, and works with clients over long periods of time to help them gain insight into their behavior by examining all aspects of their childhood. I discussed my solution-oriented approach, and told her about the process of getting out of the box. Although she was skeptical that it would work, she agreed to try it right then, to resolve a long-standing issue.

She told me that she had been in therapy for many years to resolve her feelings about the ending of her marriage twelve years earlier. She was still suffering deeply, and was intensely angry at her husband for leaving her and their two small children for another woman. The woman happened to be her best friend.

I taught her to get out of the box in the same way I have described--first by imagining being in the box, and then being outside of it. As she described how it felt to be out of the box, she said that she would feel exactly as she did when she was dancing which she absolutely loved doing. Whenever she danced she felt free, happy, light, and unconcerned about others’ opinions of her. Dancing allowed her the freedom to fully express herself in a way that was thoroughly satisfying and joyful for her.

I asked Ilene to look at her life and specifically at her pain and rage, from a commitment to staying with this joy. She saw how from this perspective her suffering was completely unimportant, and a waste of time. Yet she also said that choosing to let it go would feel like a great loss. She had spent so many years immersed in these feelings, that she experienced them as “an old friend.”

She tearfully spoke of the freedom she felt at the possibility of giving it up forever. She was completely shocked at her ability to even consider the notion of letting her pain and anger go, and even more surprised as she felt it lift off her shoulders, “like an enormous weight.”

We discussed that this understanding of her choice to give it up did not mean that she might never think in this old way again, especially if she was not watchful. The difference was that she now knew, forever more, that it was a choice to continue to carry it, not an obligation. From out of the box, she knew exactly what to do if she got stuck again. She would switch to this perspective and remember what she realized while discussing it with me. She agreed to write about what she now realized, so that she could refer to it, and add to it if necessary. We agreed that if she needed to, she could think about her misery, but would limit the time she thought about it to 15 minutes a day.

Ilene said that she realized, from our discussion, that she had often spent much time “supporting” clients in their pain, but very little helping them to move on. She was also touched, she said, at the tenacity with which I worked with her. I did not compromise my commitment to helping her see the light, and was unwavering in my belief that this perspective was there waiting for her, no matter what, even though she felt so entrenched in her position and stuck in her rage.

Later, she wrote to me saying that she was not only ending her therapy, but had also chosen to end her pain, and to move ahead in her life. She noted that her children had commented on how happy she had been. She planned to start dating as soon as possible. “My period of mourning is over. I think I’ve had enough. I’m beginning to live again.”

Warren Berland Articles