Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

4 Steps To Take Control Of Your Sex And Your Life

how to control sex

Stuck in a rut, knowing more pleasure is possible? These 4 Steps will get you on the right track!

Isn't it time you stopped making your partner or your current circumstances responsible for your happiness and sexual pleasure? The truth is, most of us unwittingly sabotage our pleasure by focusing on what we don't have or want more of. 

When you are single, you crave a relationship, and when you've been in a relationship for a while, you often end up wishing you were alone or partnered with someone else.

That's human nature. Unfortunately, we are biologically wired to notice the negative even while good things are happening. How often do you automatically and unconsciously turn yourself off by noticing what could be better instead of the beauty and opportunity of what is?

Complete this sentence: "I turn myself off sexually when I think about ______." 

There's no better time than now to take control of your sex and your life.

Here's how:

1) Dream your dream. Imagine your best life. What is your own unique and personal vision of the sex and the life you want? Envision yourself inviting, stretching, growing, becoming and having the sex and the life you desire.

2) Be aware. Pay attention. Any time you notice a negative thought or feeling, acknowledge it and let it be. Then redirect your attention to several things that are positive as well as true in this moment. As the expression goes, whether you think the glass is half empty or half full, you're right. Bringing your attention to the positive shifts your energy and makes it more expansive; it is part of the process of inviting more of the experiences you want.


3) Complete this sentence: "I turn myself on when ______."

Do you even think about that? Your role in your experience is vital because you choose what you make room for and notice. We often think it's our partner's job to turn us on. The liberating truth is that there is so much you can do to open yourself and turn yourself on to the experiences you really want in sex and in life.

4) Take action. When you're ready to drop the bad habit of turning yourself off by thinking about everything your partner does or doesn't do for you in the bedroom, you can take charge of turning yourself on!

I believe we all have a personal responsibility to keep the flame of our own desire burning. The brain is the biggest sex organ; use it well, and it'll give you the sex of your dreams!



Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.