5 Sex Habits To Break Before The New Year

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Some habits actually undermine your sex life. Here are a few examples.

Everyone has a few bad habits. Are yours related to sex? Here are some sexual habits to consider breaking right away:

1. Having sex only in the dark. Unless you've lied about your gender, you have nothing to hide during sex. He can feel your body, and he's been looking at it since you met. If he really disliked it, you wouldn't be making love right now. So relax and feel comfotable with your body.

If the glare of stadium lights isn't appealing, try a few candles instead. A light in the hallway or bathroom outside the bedroom can be gentle, too. Remember, just because you don't like one or more parts of your body doesn't mean he won't. If you're baffled, ask him exactly what he likes about the body part that offends you — and believe him.

2. Not asking for what you want and not interrupting what you don't want. Say you come to my house and I serve broccoli for dinner. You don't like it, but you eat it. Not surprisingly, I serve it again the next time you visit. You eat it, so of course I figure you like it. Repeat that scene a few more times and what happens? You start declining my invitations to dinner.

A sure way to reduce your interest in sex is doing stuff you don't want to, and passively wishing for change. Whether the subject is food or sex, there's no substitute for simply saying "not this, that," or "let's try something else." That fabled male ego that you have to protect with your silence? For most men, it doesn't exist. And when it does, don't feed it. If he doesn't want the information, find someone who does.

3. Protesting whenever he says you're sexy. Your guy enjoys telling you he's attracted to you. As a bonus, it can make you feel pretty, and help keep the pilot light of your sex life shimmering. But when you respond with "Ugh, look at my belly," or "With this hair? No way," it takes all the fun away. You're effectively saying, "You're too dumb to notice how I really look," and "Your attraction to me is foolish." How sexy is that? 

If you have trouble hearing your mate's appreciative observations about your body, face, or general appeal, simply say "thank you" and let it go. And do some work on this. Remember, they're not "compliments" or "flattery." They're sincere observations — someone else's reality.

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Dr. Marty Klein

Author

Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

In his award-winning books lectures, newsletter, and therapy, he helps men & women understand and accept themselves and their sexuality, reducing their feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and isolation.

Dr. Klein's new book is Sexual Intelligence. Psychology Today says, "Read this book if you want to improve your sex life." To connect with Dr. Klein, see his provocative newsletter.

Location: Palo Alto, CA
Credentials: MFT, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Dr. Marty Klein:

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