Is Your Concept Of 'Soul Mate' Keeping You Single?

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dreamy woman
Is there really just one match for everyone? What exactly IS a soul mate?

We are all looking for that special someone to share our lives with… that certain someone who “fits” as if he or she was meant to be there. This exquisite person who is our one true love; the person designed as our match; our soul mate.

For many people, this idea that they have one “ideal mate” is a concept they struggle with. When potential loves enter their lives, they are left wondering if there’s someone “better” out there. The endless search for perfection often leaves these singles alone; more married to the search than they are to an actual relationship. Those who find healthy relationships discover the secret, that our soul mate isn’t actually perfect, but rather that person is “perfect” for us, flaws and all.


When someone takes a look over their life and realizes that they have been single for longer than they wished, often the search for the perfect mate is the cause. The very concept of a “perfect” match sets up the seeker for failure because all humans are flawed. No one is perfect, and while we are not advocating for settling for less than you desire, the notion of “perfection” is a self-sabotaging principal.

Are You Stuck Being Single?
If you have been looking for love and struggling to find it, perhaps you’re stuck in “singlehood” because you’re walking around with a mistaken belief that there is one, and only one, true soul mate out there for you. The truth is, there isn’t just one match for you, there are hundreds of them. People who meet your criteria for emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual connections and who are looking for the same things you are from life and love. You just have to open your eyes and your mind to them. To do this, let’s take a look at what a “soul mate” really is.

What Is A Soul Mate?
A soul mate has been described as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. Sometimes the terms “twin flame” or “twin soul” are used to describe the ultimate soul mate. Even the term soul can be too esoteric for some people to understand. The concept of soul can most easily be understood as "your authentic self", the part of you that remains the same throughout your life although you may not be aware of it. A soul mate helps you to experience "your authentic self". Some even think of their soul mate as literally the other half to their soul.

The problem with that last idea is that it implies that if your search for the perfect mate fails, then you’re doomed to live a life missing half of your soul.

The truth is that you come to a relationship, all relationships, as a full and complete person. Instead of completing a missing part of yourself, what soul mate relationships do is give you an opportunity to experience the parts of yourself that come alive inside of a relationship; parts that do not have a reason or purpose to exist without this relationship.

Article contributed by

John Gray


John Gray, Ph.D. is the leading relationship expert in the world. His 17 books, including New York Times #1 best-seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, have helped millions of men and women transform their relationships and their lives.

John will be hosting his Soul Mate Transformation Seminar in San Francisco on August 26-28, 2011. For more information, please visit

Location: Mill Valley, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Wellness
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Orna And Matthew Walters

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