4 Sure-Fire Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life


4 Sure-Fire Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life
Four better sex techniques from couples relationship expert Dr. Diana Kirschner.

Sex is a wonderful gift to be enjoyed and shared by both of you. Good sex promotes physical and mental health and the vitality of the relationship. Sex releases endorphins, which elevate mood and lower stress and pain levels. So after having sex, each partner associates feeling good with the other.

Testosterone, the sexual hormone engine for both men and women, also generates connection. To boot, having sex drives up levels of oxytocin, the cuddle, bonding, or tend-and-befriend hormone which creates a strong biological attachment. For a man, having sex is usually synonymous with feeling intimate and close, even more so than for a woman.


Sounds great right? Unfortunately, various studies show that many people are unhappy with their sex lives. For example, the Journal of the American Medical Association found that 43 percent of American women and 31 percent of men admitted they had a sexual problem. And usually these studies under-report the actual percentages because, let’s face it: who wants to admit being unable to get it up or have an orgasm through intercourse? In my experience, the biggest issues for couples are: they don't turn sex into play enough of the time; they don't experiment; and they're afraid to tell each other what they really like in bed.

Researchers have found that there are four primary ways in which couples can really enhance their sex life: novelty, sexual trance, partner engagement and role play. Let's dive in…

1. Novelty
Let's first start with the importance of novelty in sexual play. Novelty keeps dopamine, the brain chemical associated with exhilaration and ecstasy, going. Dopamine is what’s responsible for a lover’s high and also for infatuation.

So if you want to keep that buzz going do any or all of the following nine novelties:

• Vary the places you make love
• Vary the way you set the stage—lights candles or a draw a bubble bath
• Use feathers for exquisite arousal
• Use sex toys with each other or in front of each other
• Put whipped cream on each other
• Wear sexy lingerie or outfits
• Vary your foreplay
• Try new positions
• Most importantly, make sure that both of you are fully satisfied

2. Sexual Trance
Sexual trance involves an inward focus where each partner focuses on his/her own pleasure and sensations and creates a fulfilling sexual release. In win-win sex, both of you are pleasured and find a strong release in orgasm. Learn by experimenting so that you know what works for each of you.

In order to learn what works for him, try touching, massaging, licking or stimulating all the different parts of his body. Observe and ask him questions about what feels good. Try different sexual acts, variations in intercourse positions and most importantly, oral sex. Virtually all men adore oral sex. If you have a problem with this, consider the fact that if your man showers, chances are his mouth has more germs than his penis does! 10 Oral Sex Tips From A Man

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More Juicy Content From YourTango:

To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.

Right now, I want you to:

To spice up your sex life, think about and enjoy a sexual fantasy that turns you on right now. Remember 95 percent of people have sexual fantasies.

Within 7 days I want you to:

To spice up your sex life within seven days, try out a fun new role play that interests you and your partner. The most common roles include: naughty doctor and patient, naughty cop and lawbreaker, master and slave, and fantasy forced submission. Experiment with the role that most turns you on.

By the end of the challenge I want you to:

To spice up your sex life within 30 days, buy four sex toys and four sex-play outfits to create novelty. Use and enjoy one new sex toy and one new outfit each week.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Diana Kirschner


Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-seller “Love in 90 Days.”

Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: PhD
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