Fellatio field guide author offers simple tricks for maximum pleasure.
Oral sex: brilliant, isn't it? It's ridiculously intimate, severely sensual, and you don't necessarily have to take all your clothes off to do it. Whether it's part of foreplay or an act in itself, being a skilled fellatrix ramps up your bedroom (or back seat of car) technique considerably.
But trust me, there's more to fellatio than, as we Brits so tastefully put it, getting your gob round his nob or your gums round his plums. The best oral sex exponents use their mouths, their tongues, their fingers, their eyes, their voice and—most importantly—their brain (but not their teeth, unless it's been asked for). I'm assuming that you already know Rule No. 1 about blow jobs—you don't blow—so here are the basic ground rules from a male point of view…
1. If you're not in the mood, don't bother.
Back in the day, fellatio was generally seen as something only depraved men would want, and only even more depraved women would offer. Thankfully, this has changed to the point where a bit of a nosh almost comes as standard. But take it from me; there is nothing more unappealing than a workmanlike blowjob from someone who sees it as contractual obligation. Not sexy at all, ladies…
2. Your mouth can do a million things your vagina can't.
So make use of it. There's far more to fellatio than sucking, and seeing as his genitals are in your mouth, you are the one who is completely dictating the terms. Enthusiastic head-bobbing one minute, followed by slithering your tongue down his shaft, followed by smoochy kisses around the head…it's all good.
3. Deep-throating isn't everything.
Being able to shove a foot-long hot dog into your mouth at a baseball game might get you on the Jumbotron for a few seconds, but if that's the sum total of your oral technique, you need to expand your repertoire. It gets pretty boring after a couple of minutes—and to be honest, we start worrying about your gag reflex kicking in and your jaws snapping shut.
4. Oral familiarity breeds genital disinterest.
In other words, mix up your technique. There's nothing worse than being with someone who does the same things for the same amount of time in the same order. Surprise us!
5. Get to know his penis…
…because it's more than a bit of meat, y'know. Yes, there's loads of nerve endings round the tip, but quite a few elsewhere. We'd like those stimulated too, please. And please don't forget the balls—gently rubbing them or cupping them in your hand and feeling the weight of them increases the sensations tenfold.
6. …and get to know the rest of his body, too.
We've got more than one erogenous zone, and you can earn yourself a rest period and bonus points my fiddling with them. Putting you hands on our rear ends and pulling you into us is an incredible turn-on. So is brushing your cheek against our inner thigh, or tracing a line from our bellybutton downwards with your tongue.
7. Tease us like the dirty hornbags we are.
Honestly, you can do far more with one flash of eye contact than minutes of chicken-headery. Ignore all the rubbish you've heard about how we don't like foreplay and tease the living hell out of us. Because our bits extend from our bodies several inches more than yours does, we get to see you in action much better. So make use of it. We want to see you taking in the view of our proud gentleman. Let us feel your breath on our balls. Give it a full minute before you start noshing away, and he'll sink so far down into the couch when you do that he'll be able to find approximately $7.82 in lost change and three remotes.
8. Talk to us…
Obviously, not with your mouth full—but slowly jerking us off while telling us how good we taste, how much you can't wait to make us come and all that stuff brings us that much closer to the edge. Asking us what we want you to do next is good too—not only will it make it easier for you to please us, but it gives us the impression that we're in control. Even when we're not.
9. …but not to complain that it’s taking too long.
Any man who knows the remotest thing about women is that a considerable amount of them can't attain orgasm through penetrative sex—but it doesn't mean their partners are necessarily appalling in the sack. So it goes for certain men and oral. If he's not shooting his bolt within 2 minutes of you getting your mouth round his bits, don't panic. Take your time. If you keep pressuring him to come, he won't. Simple as that.
10. It doesn't matter where we come, as long as we do.
Because if it's early in the relationship or a one-night stand, we honestly don't know what we can get away with—and we'd rather not halt the proceedings to divine what would be an acceptable ejaculation zone. So tell us you want us to come all over (this particular spot), right now, please.