Romance comes in many different forms and, when done right, can become the living language of love between you and your partner. When you have romance in your life, it enlivens your senses and brings you closer to knowing more about yourself, your partner, your body and your life. And while sex isn't everything in a relationship, when you harness the power of romantic sex, it's a very juicy (and fun!) element that can help you both feel more connected.
Romantic sex does not mean taking the entire day preparing scallops with homemade roasted pepper cream sauce, pesto-risotto cakes with a balsamic drizzle, a field greens salad with homemade dressing and paper thin onions, German chocolate cake and a $47 bottle of Pinot Noir. Nor does it mean lying on the dinner table in the middle of it all, wearing your best sexy red panties as your partner walks in the door after work.
What if he's not in the mood and you get rejectd? You end up feeling sad, bitter, angry or hurt because he just happened to have a late lunch, isn't hungry or has work to finish, and you spent half of your paycheck on dinner, wine and underwear. Kind of a buzzkill, isn't it?
This is the kind of trying too-hard romance him that will make him think to himself "What does she want from me? Am I not doing enough? I wish I would have known about this. I'll never get my work finished now." But stop right there: This doesn't have to be you. There are a few simple ingredients you must have to connect with him for real romantic sex that can lead to EPIC Love.
1. Self Love
First and foremost, it starts with you feeling good about you. You can tap into that through any method that works: Taking a bath, spending time with friends, getting a massage, drinking some tea or petting your cat. Whatever works, do it. Because to have amazing romantic sex you need to romance yourself, so you are coming from a good place, not a place of clinginess or desperation that reeks of "I'm not good enough and will do anything it takes to get a hint of attention!" That is not loving yourself and if you have issues with being take advantage of in relationships, learn how to stop being a doormat today and get the love you want.
A schedule? "You've got to be kidding me…" I'm totally not. You don't want the scenario mentioned above, do you? You're going to want to plan a time that works for both of you, and not just expect him to follow along because you feel like romancing him tonight. Have a discussion first about wanting to take a day off (or a few hours if that's all you've got), with him. You can let him know your availability and ask him if it jives with his. Then make a plan; you will be glad you did, so you're not left in your underwear and penniless until your next paycheck. Set up a time and a place; he will appreciate it and you will both have time to fantasize about the fun you're about to have.
3. More Self Love
Before you get together, do something for yourself to feel sexy! Do some stretching and deep breathing, take a shower, and the time to pick out clothes that make you feel beautiful, comfortable and sexy. This way, when you see each other you will be relaxed, feeling super feminine ... and it will turn him on to see you already glowing. If you need a little help in the self-love department there is a solution. Keep reading ...
More hot sex advice from YourTango:
Before you see each other according to your plan, text him a couple of sexy messages. Try phrases like, "I'm so excited to see you tonight." Or "I remember the last time we were together and how you rocked my world." This will build his anticipation (and yours!) and he will be thinking about you all day. Don't go and send him a 20 paragraph message because he is probably too busy to read it, and it will be way more fun to imagine what he wants in between lunch and reading work emails. You don't want to be a complete distraction ... that is until you're in each other's arms.
5. Heart Breathing
I love to encourage healthy hearts because they help you be strong enough to open yourself up to romance. You can click here to get my free heart-centering meditation when you sign up for my EPIC Love Newsletter and eBook "How to Stop Pushing Men Away & Get The Love You Want." When you get into your heart space it will help you feel grounded and secure in the love you have for yourself.
6. Soul Gazing
Heart breathing will shift your energy to an amazing heart frequency that will help you open up yourself to him. Look into his eyes and smile while you feel this connection. When you lock eyes and stay connected with your heart, it softens him up to be more open with you. And when you feel safe with him, it will help you open up sexually. This is a double win for both of you.
There is no perfect recipe for the best romantic sex, because every partnership is different, and you both grow and change every day. You might want to have crazy monkey sex with your boyfriend and that might be romantic to you. Or you could light some candles (everyone does look and feel beautiful in good lighting), pull down the sheet and turn on the Barry White. Romance is meant to make you feel good about yourself, and to get excited to connect with someone special.
It doesn't matter what kind of sex you are having because when you're in the moment, in tune with yourself and your partner, you're where it really matters. That is romance at its best. And if you want to learn how to connect with man on a deeper level, sign up for my EPIC Love Newsletter today and stop pushing love away.