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Are You Attracted To Men With False Self-Esteem?

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Are You Attracted To Men With False Self-Esteem?
The truth about playboys and narcissists and why they are so darn appealing.

You know those hot, attractive men. They act cool, try to impress you and often act distant like they aren’t looking for a relationship at the moment. They sometimes come on super strong and then back down when you start spending more time together. Often, they disappear when you least expect it. You wonder what you did wrong and why men are like that. Dating tips are not the answer.

You have zero chemistry with the nice guys who seem more genuine and you keep them around as friends. You think they are too needy or clingy and you wish your love magnet would finally match up with someone that you feel something for and that also wants a lasting relationship.

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If this sounds like you, you may be drawn to men with false self-esteem. They cover up their insecurities with the mask of being cocky, aloof and unavailable. The truth is that underneath their façade, they are scared little boys and they don’t even know it. They are even fooling themselves thinking they are confident but never stop to realize that they are always single and alone without anyone who truly loves them.

False self-esteem comes from people who build up their little egos based on their surface self. They only see themselves as their physical appearance, their personal story, bank account and even their past conquests. They never allow themselves to get close to anyone and make up an excuse when things heat up in a relationship.

These men are truly afraid of intimacy even though they are the first ones to jump into bed with you. Getting naked is easy, getting naked emotionally is foreign to them. They are unaware of their deeper self or afraid to discover it.  Keeping women away at arm’s length is their modus operandi and they always seem to want that woman they can’t have.

The reason that you are attracted to them is because your self-esteem is at the same level. Like attracts like, even when the external seems to look quite different. You, just like them, are afraid to get too close. You fool yourself projecting a false ideal onto this person and your potential together. In truth, if he wanted a commitment, you would be scared to death of letting him really see all of you.

The excitement ends when faced with the choice to go deeper. The surface is threatened when you haven’t discovered and loved your true self. Like a cork bobbing on a wave that doesn’t realize it is supported by the ocean, you feel small, flimsy and tossed around by external conditions. There isn’t a strong foundation to carry you so you bolt or sabotage by becoming too clingy and drive them away.

To change your love destiny, you must discover a way to build true self-esteem, one that is not based on external conditions or appearances. It is easy to feel good about yourself when you get positive attention, men call after a date and/or respond to your profile. It takes courage and power to stand in dating adversity and still feel like you are the prize, trusting that true love is coming no matter what.

More from YourTango: The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner

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Article contributed by
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Debi Berndt

Author

Debi Berndt is the co-founder of CreativeLove.com, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

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