ProConnect

Anxious Parenting: Are You Guilty Of It?

By

Anxious Parenting: Are You Guilty Of It? [EXPERT]
Every mom needs to calm down.
Being a more relaxed mom benefits both you and your kids. Find out how.

Does your child's behavior, the choices he or she makes, and fears about how he will turn out weigh you down, making you feel like it's all somehow a reflection on you?

When our kids don't act in ways we think they should, it's natural to feel anxious and responsible; we're only human. But, when we do this, we stop seeing the boundary between where we end and where our child begins. We become fused with them.

More from YourTango: Is A Sex Addiction Epidemic Destroying Marriages?

The more we parent them out of anxiety, the more we feel responsible for the choices they make, which leads to that panicked, out-of-control feeling and knee-jerk parenting. In effect, your parenting becomes about needing your child to behave so you can feel okay. This causes parents to hover, nag and get in their kid's box.

When your well-being lies in your child's hands, the more invested you'll become in him or her, and the more anxious you'll feel about his every move. 12 Dating Rules For Single Parents

The behavior of difficult, acting-out kids makes us all the more anxious. You're probably saying, "Can I be calm when my child is swearing at me, getting in trouble at school or constantly starting fights with siblings?" Of course these behaviors make us incredibly frustrated and overwhelmed, leaving us dangling at the end of our ropes, held on by a thread. But, believe it or not, there is a way to handle even acting-out behavior calmly. I know, because I help parents do it every day.

Remember, if you parent from an anxious place, you will have more anxious kids. Anxiety is contagious, but conversely, so is calm. You have to find a way to stay in control of yourself, even when your child is out of control and defiant. Parenting calmly will help your child calm down and will lead you to make better decisions on how to respond to these acting out behaviors and not give your kids anything to react to.

More from YourTango: 14 Things Men Love, According To Science

I want to make an important distinction here: What I don't mean by calm is that you should be stiff and robot-like, or afraid to tell your kids what you think and what you believe. Parents can get so caught up in doing it right that they end up hiding their real selves. What our children need is genuine, honest engagement. They need us to be separate people with our own thoughts that we communicate to them. Love Starts Within

More love advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Are You Addicted To Comfort?

Don't be afraid to push the envelope—you'll achieve greater happiness.

Woman Weighing Herself

How to Lose Weight Without Dieting

10 Steps to integrating mindful eating- find peace, calmness and sanity around food and in your body

Cuffs

The Ties that Bind

The NEW D/s dynamic and its power to conquer your fears.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS