Love Starts Within

By

Love Starts Within
Self love is the only way to a high quality love relationship.

“Self love is the only way to a high quality love relationship. The quality of men and love relationships you’ve experienced is a direct result of the degree of love you have for yourself. Most of us only love the good sides of ourselves and wish we could disown the self-perceived bad sides. If you only love parts of yourself, you’ll find yourself with men and in relationships that aren’t satisfying. Once you do the inner work to love yourself completely, you’ll have a wonderful and fulfilling love relationship beyond your dreams.” – Janet Ong

Focusing our attention and love solely on our mate perpetuates the myth that we can only feel loved when we’re with someone else.

This limited approach to love makes it impossible to sustain romantic love. Many times, focusing on our mate is a way of not having to look at ourselves for fear of what we’ll see. The reality is, the more we fully love and accept our selves, the happier and content we are in life. This leads to more fulfillment in our romantic relationships.

The challenge and opportunity are to uncover, accept and embrace your self-perceived bad aspects. These aspects are defined as things you try to hide from others, things you feel embarrassed or ashamed about, things you think others will judge you on, things you judge yourself on, etc. If you’re looking for a resource to better understand this, check out “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” by Debbie Ford.

Debbie’s message is that we suppress behaviors, thoughts, feelings and characteristics that are not acceptable in certain environments. There is a gift in the areas we suppress once we’re able to uncover and embrace traits that are buried in these self-perceived bad aspects of ourselves. When I read this book and practiced the exercises, a new way of thinking and being opened up for me. It gave me the freedom to be more authentically who I am.

I’ve learned that love starts inside of us. Only when we can fully love ourselves, can we have a relationship that is loving and full of possibilities. Until then, we’ll have relationships that are on and off, inconsistent, unfulfilling, etc.

Self love is about loving and accepting who you are. This is about healing the parts of yourself so that you can be whole rather than wanting someone else to “complete you”. In the movie, Jerry Maguire, Tom Cruise says to Renee Zellweger, “You complete me.” While it sounds so romantic, it’s not reality. The reality is when you approach a love relationship as a whole person, your mate will enhance and not complete you.

What will you do to love yourself even more?

P.S. If you're frustrated and tired about not being successful in love, get your free Monthly Guide to Love. You'll receive insightful articles, inspirational resources and best practices that support your journey to love.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Janet Ong Zimmerman

Relationship Coach

Relationship Coach for Successful Women

Co-Author of International Best Seller "Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life"

Having a hard time finding success in love?  Take the Love Indicator Assessment. You'll receive a free 6-page report showing where you're at with love, the reasons you haven't found it yet and what you can do to immediately improve your love life.

For more dating and relationship support, join Love for Successful Women's Google Plus Community.

Ready for love?  Contact Janet at janet@loveforsuccessfulwomen.com or 949-278-4792.

Location: Irvine, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Janet Ong Zimmerman:

Why You Should Work With A Dating Coach

By

If you're a woman who is successful in virtually all areas of life, you may think you should be able to find the same kind of success in love on your own. If you've been blaming or judging yourself for not having found love or thinking you should have known better, it’s not your fault. You were not educated and taught from an early age how to love ... Read more

How To Ease Through The Difficulties of Love

By

Ups and downs in love are a common occurrence, whether you're single, dating, divorced, in a good relationship, in a complicated relationship or married. When love is going well, you're in sync with "what is," life is more effortless and you have a sense of well being. What happens when love becomes difficult? The Problem: Our ... Read more

Lost Intimacy? 11 Steps For Getting It Back

By

In a society where short attention spans and instant gratification are the norm, people want and expect intimacy to happen quickly. This results in: Having sex early on and being disappointed when things don't turn into a relationship.  Texting each other instead of having conversations in person or on the phone. Sharing too much ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular