You love your man, and you want to please him. But what do you do if he can't maintain an erection?
You're in bed with your man. You've done all your sexiest moves. You smell great. You look fantastic. You head down south, and suddenly you realize his penis is about as erect as a noodle that's been thrown against the wall to see if it's cooked. So what an earth should you say and do? You want him to enjoy sex with you. You want to really turn him on. The first thing to be very aware of is that he knows exactly what's going on down there. To be honest, that's most of the problem. The more he gets into his big head, the more his little head is going to fail. So let’s go through three things you can do to help him relax.
1. There’s (Probably) Nothing Wrong With His Mechanics
The main problem is in his mind. When a man goes into his head he's worrying about whether he'll please you, whether he smells OK, or whether you're enjoying yourself. There could be a million things going through his mind. Think about how you feel when a man goes down on you.
"Why is it taking me so long to cum? What if I can't cum? What if I don't smell good?"
Well, men go through the exact same anxieties, but the difference between men and women is the result is far more obvious in men. So, the first thing you need to do when you suspect your man is suffering from anxiety induced erectile dysfunction, is to look at him while you're going down on him and say this: "Is there anything you'd really like me to do? I'm willing to do whatever turns you on." Get him to relax. Talk it through with him. Don't bluntly ask, "What’s wrong? Why aren't you hard?" The moment you ask that question, the pressure on him becomes way too much for him, and the chance of him becoming aroused pretty much evaporates.
2. Don't Confront Him
Show understanding. Don't take it personally, and don't use confrontation. He's already in his head and knowing you're upset about it will just make things worse. Instead, ask him if he'd like a break, or if he wants to try something different. It could be that a break in the tension will be enough to relax him and get him out of his thoughts. Most of the time he'll be terrified that the longer this continues the more chance he has of losing you. Make sure you give him plenty of reassurance, and let him know you love him.
3. Give Him Time
A lot of guys who suffer from erection problems have emotional issues in the background which they need to deal with. They need support and understanding. Most the problem is mental, and with time his little head will start working as soon as his big head is back in the game.
For women who have only ever been with men who could get hard on command, it can be a confusing and worrying issue. Remember, it's not your fault. The problem is in his mind, not yours. All you can do is focus his mind on relaxing, being present, and enjoying the moment, rather than thinking about the mechanics of what's happening. Take the pressure right off him, and it won't be long before his manhood is back in full working order.
More sex coach advice on YourTango:
- Do You Have Trouble Enjoying Sex?
- How A Sex Therapist Can Save Your Marriage
- Help! My Husband Is Bored Of Sex