7 Steps To Take When You Think He's Having An Affair

By

7 Steps To Take When You Think He's Having An Affair

If you suspect your husband is having an affair or is being emotionally unfaithful, do not despair.  An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage.  In fact, consider this:

  •     Approximately 20 percent of affairs last less than two months
  •     Approximately 50 percent of affairs last more than one month, but less than a year.
  •     The remaining 30 percent last more than a year
  •     Very few last more than four years
  •     Around three percent result in marriage

There are seven specific steps you can take if you have reason to believe he may be unfaithful. There is no guarantee your marriage will survive, but these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair ends. Infidelity 101: What Is An Emotional Affair?

Step 1. Gather evidence

Just to be clear, it is very typical for a disloyal spouse to deny they are having an affair, even if you walk in and catch them "in the act", so to speak.  They jump up and as they're putting their clothes on they'll say "It's not what it looks like!"  So this step is intended to confirm to yourself that you are not making a mountain out of a molehill... something really is going on.  Before you hack into his computer or install a small tape recorder, you may want to check your state's laws on electronic surveillance.  Some typical "evidence" could be gathered by looking at emails if he leaves his email open (print them!), looking at his cell phone pictures and texts if his phone is left unlocked, or logging onto your joint cell phone bill online and looking for a large number of minutes to the same phone number. How To Catch a Cheater

Step 2. Confront 

Go to him directly and tell him to his face that you know about the affair and that you have evidence in a safe place that proves it.  Don't tell him where it is, or what it is necessarily, just let him know that YOU you know.  Then, state that in order for the marriage to work, there cannot be infidelity. Ask him point blank to end the affair.  Make sure he understands that ending the affair means that he can never, EVER contact the other person  again. He must agree to be accountable for his time by sharing passwords to all his accounts (Facebook, all email accounts, cell phones... etc.). How Snooping Helped Me Survive Divorce

Step 3. Disclose  

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB