Heartbreak

Why He Texts You, But Never Asks You Out

Photo: stocker face / shutterstock
woman in monochrome pink looking at phone

Are you constantly telling your friends, "He texts me, but he doesn't ask me out"? Ah, the modern world of dating.

If you're wondering what to do when a man constantly messages you but isn't asking you out on a real date, look no further. As a dating coach for women, I get loads of emails from women who are confused by the mixed signals men send, especially about texting.

For example, you meet a guy online who sends daily texts but never asks you out. Or maybe you've had one date with a guy that went really well.

If he takes hours to respond and sends short texts without asking you any questions, it’s obvious he’s not interested in making plans with you.

RELATED: What It Means If A Guy Texts Every Day (But Doesn't Call)

The examples above present two separate issues. While texting can be a lot of fun, to build a true relationship you need to spend quality time with a new man.

Texting is a supplement to your other communication options, but it simply cannot replace those romantic face-to-face visits.

Here are the two top reasons why he texts but never asks you out.

1. He's using you to boost his ego.

Let's say you connect with an interesting man online. You go from emailing to texting with some very fun exchanges. The conversation is creative, funny, and exciting. Days go by — sometimes weeks. He talks about getting together, but he never actually asks you out.

This is a problem. Texting and talking on the phone without meeting and dating are just words and nothing more. Some men enjoy these interactions and get their fill of feminine energy without ever needing to date you.

Some men build a stable of texting buddies to boost their egos. Others try to keep lots of women on the line while they decide if they want to meet any of them.

Don't fall into this trap. If he doesn't ask to talk on the phone and then meet you within 10 days, you have a couple of choices: You can stop answering his texts and move on. Or you can suggest talking on the phone and then meeting to see if there's chemistry.

This is the only time I agree with a woman asking a man out, but your first date isn't a real date. It's more like a meeting to see if there will be a first date as you check each other out. So no harm done about taking over the lead, because you can cut to the chase and figure out guys who are just texters and aren't serious. That’s a good thing because you want to weed out the guys who aren't potential mates.

RELATED: There Are Only 2 Reasons Why Guys Don't Text You Back

2. He doesn't know how to reject you.

You're the one complaining, "he stopped asking me out but still texts me."

In this case, he did meet you but now has reverted to texting and maybe calling. However, no dates are on the horizon. He might even talk about getting together but never asks you out again.

This is a man who has decided you aren't the one for him. Again, you probably feed his ego, so he keeps up the flirting and texting because it makes him feel good.

The problem is that you're investing your precious time in a man who has no plans to date you. The best thing to do is to stop responding to his texts or calls.

It's your job to weed out the men who aren't serious to see who has the potential for long-term love.

One thing I know for sure is that when a man is genuinely interested in you, he will ask you out.

He'll want to see you. No matter what he has going on, he will fit you into his schedule. Recognize that these texts are meaningless and move on to find a man who wants to see your beautiful face in person.

If you keep asking yourself, “He texts me every day but doesn’t make plans to see me, so should I stop answering?”, the answer is quite clear.

Don’t try to get him to ask you out by sending passive-aggressive messages, get off your phone!

If you're still stuck on what to say when men text but don’t ask you out, consider these two options: either ask him out yourself or simply move on.

RELATED: The Brutal Truth About Why You Should (Almost) Never Ask A Guy Out

Ronnie Ann Ryan is a Love & Cosmic Coach who has shared her sound advice and practical magic for mindful dating, love, and life with thousands of successful single women.