Why Does He Text Me But Not Ask Me Out?
By Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan. Posted on .
As a dating coach for women, I get loads of emails from women who are confused by the mixed signals men send, especially about texting. For example, you meet a guy online who wants to text all day and night, but he never asks to meet you. Or maybe you've had one date with a guy that went really well. Then he resorts to texting, but hasn’t asks you out again. What’s up with that?
The examples above present two separate issues and I’ll explain each one below. But first, while texting can be a lot of fun, to build a true relationship, you need to spend quality time with a new man. Texting is a supplement to your other communication options, but it simply cannot replace those romantic face-to-face visits.
1) He Texts, But Doesn’t Ask to Meet You. Let’s say you connect with an interesting man online. You go from emailing to texting with some very fun exchanges. The conversation is creative, funny, and exciting. Days go by and sometimes weeks. He talks about getting together, but ne never actually asks you out.
This is a problem. Many of my dating coaching clients are intelligent women who get fooled by all this attention and think it means something. Sadly, it does not. Texting without meeting and dating is just words and nothing more.
Some men enjoy these interactionsand get their fill of feminine energy without ever needing to date you. Some men build a stable of texting buddies to boost their egos. Others try to keep lots of women on the line while they decide if they want to meet any of them.
Don’t fall into this trap. If he doesn’t ask to talk on the phone and then meet you within 10 days, you have a couple of choices. You can stop answering his texts and move on. Or you can suggest talking on the phone and then meeting to see if there is chemistry.
This is the only time I agree with a woman asking a man out – but your first date is not a real date. It’s more like a meeting to see if there will be a first date as you check each other out. So no harm done about taking over the lead.
The other thing about cutting to the chase and asking him to talk and meet, is the guys who are just texters and not serious will disappear. That’s a good thing because you want to weed out the guys who are not potential mates.
2) He Texts After One Date, But Doesn’t Ask for a Second. In this case, he did meet you, but now has reverted to texting and maybe calling. However, no dates are on the horizon. He might even talk about getting together but never asks you out again. This is a man who has decided you are not the one for him. You probably feed his ego, so he keeps up the flirting and texting because it makes him feel good.
The problem is you are investing your precious time in a man who has no plans to date you. The best thing to do is to stop responding to his texts or call. It's your job to weed out the men who are not serious - that is exactly the purpose of dating - to see who has the potential for long-term love AND who does not.
