5 Reasons Why You Feel Like The "Sucker" In Your Relationship


5 Reasons Why You Feel Like The "Sucker" In Your Relationship
Carin Goldstein explains how you may be enabling him to not "step it up" in your relationship.

Every couple has their own universal complaints about one another, but one of the most common complaints I hear from women is how their husband or boyfriend never does "this" or always does "that” and the woman becomes the tragic victim. A very popular example is (and yes, you can hear my own confession about my own foible in this video) "I took care of EVERYTHING" in a certain scenario, "while he just sat there and he didn't even ASK me if I needed help!"

Ladies, let me turn your attention to a word which I think is the ultimate "kryptonite" to your ability to even remotely feel happy and satisfied in your marriage. This word is called: ENABLING, which Google dictionary defines as, "Giving (someone or something) the authority or means to do something." Well, well, well...could this be you?


Are YOU giving your husband "the authority to do something" and then continuing to allow it?! If you're not quite sure, then let's get a little more specific as I list for you 5 popular ways in which you may be enabling your husband and what actions you can take instead of enabling him:

1) Planning/hosting household events: Whenever there is a major event in your house (i.e. family gathering, kid’s birthday party, dinner party, etc) you seem to take it upon yourself to be the one who takes care of EVERYTHING, and your husband simply “shows up.”

SMARTER ACTION: Be an adult and don’t assume that your husband should think like you or that he is a mind reader as far as you needing help. Simply give him a list of tasks that you would like to delegate to him and if he’s the type that needs to “feel in more control” then write up a list of tasks and ask him to choose which ones he can take on (and make sure that it’s at least more than two things).

2) Caring for the kids: This almost always seems to be an issue with couples. Somehow the unspoken rule immediately becomes: The wife is in charge of the kids. Hmmmm...hello? They’re his kids too, remember? And last I checked, 2011 isn’t exactly “Little House on Prairie” as far as gender roles.

SMARTER ACTION: Delegate, delegate, delegate with what will allow him to feel successful as a parent. If your kids are school age, then there’s no reason why your husband can’t participate in taking over some of the morning rides to school. If he’s into sports, then appoint him as the “captain” of managing everything for Little League. If your husband is what I call “poop- phobic” (aka: he don’t want to be bothered with the poop) then now’s the time to break him in, where he too, is busy changing the baby’s diapers. The sky is the limit as far as what you can delegate to him and at the very least, for the sake of his relationship with your kids, he should be taking over a fair amount of responsibilities.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Carin Goldstein MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist

Carin Goldstein, MFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles as well as the witty writer of Be the Smart Wife where she writes about the trials and tribulations of how to naviagate through your marriage. Sign up for Be the Smart Wife bi-weekly posts and connect with Carin on facebook and twitter. If you live in the Los Angeles area and are interested in learning more about Carin's psychotherapy services, visit her website at caringoldstein.com.

Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women, Marriage
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