How To Express Yourself To Be Understood In Your Relationship


How To Express Yourself To Be Understood In Your Relationship
What does it take to avoid conflict? How about effective communication with your spouse?

Can you express yourself freely to your fiancé? Do you learn skills together that will help you understand your partner’s core motives and needs? Do you accept your fiancé’s view and embrace it without accusations or guilty feelings? Committing to an everlasting marriage takes hard work from both of you. Expressing yourself to be free, engaging together to conjugate, and embracing your outcome to harmonize, is but a drop in the marriage bucket, which helps it to flourish and succeed.

Let's explore together this 'drop' of the 3 Es for greater, heartfelt understanding: This is a three-part article so you may digest each "E" by itself and not cram all the information and steps all at once.


Part 1: Express

As Humans we are emotional beings. Being human is how we take action according to how we feel. When we are happy, we want to dance, to sing, to play; we express our happiness and other emotions in hundreds of ways. But, what happens if we are wired from childhood, life's events, or circumstances not to freely express ourselves, or even express our desires? We become a dying leaf blown by the wind in any direction.

As a Bride and Groom, you've made the decision to get married — to live a lifelong relationship together, to love, honor, respect one another, and to listen! To listen means that you have the incredible ability to give your partner an opportunity to speak, a safe environment in which to do so, as well as your total presence to help him or her express themselves.

Confidence and self-acceptance bestow on us the freedom for fearless expressions. Let your guard down to be vulnerable and share who you are with the world without fear of being judged or of being unaccepted. Women can express themselves easier than men. But many women and men grow up with the rules of "children are not to be heard"! Lo and behold many psychological issues arise. I have no idea who came up with this rule? Obviously someone that had lots of issues in their own lives. 

When you put a rule that no rejection of views are allowed without trying to understand, then you have established a foundation for greater understanding. As a new couple you must, and it is a must, agree upon the fact that expressing views, desires, needs, and feelings, is an essential aspect of your relationship. When there is a safe environment, you will feel comfortable talking about what's on your mind, and what's in your heart.

I mentioned "Safe Environment" several times. So what does that mean? It means that you don't interrupt, accuse, become defensive, criticize, reprimand, or argue about points that are brought up. All of these reactions block people from fully expressing themselves. How frustrating it must be when you're unable to express yourself. Fear of a reaction or a possible argument prevents many people from fully expressing themselves.

So what is the best way to express yourself? By learning your partner's communication reception capabilities! By learning your partner's perception blueprint! Sound complicated? No, not really. If you learn how your partner understands, perceives and reacts to your words, tone of voice, and body language, you'll be able to express yourself in the exact way you want your message to reach him or her.

Building trust and loyalty stems from the way you "Walk Your Talk!"

When you earn your partner's trust and loyalty you'll do everything in your power to preserve it and protect both. Learning to express yourself in your partner's methods of communication will give you the advantage of not being misunderstood and will allow you to appreciate how you have learned how to communicate in your partner's style. While going through your journey, if you decide you need help in how to learn your partner’s communication style so that you can deliver your messages clearly, then go ahead and contact me to help you. It will be my pleasure and privilege to be able to guide you in drawing your map.

In Part 2, you'll love the engaging exercise! Check it out!

More effective communication advice on YourTango:


Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Amina Hedayat Khalil

Relationship Coach

Amina Hedayat Khalil, CPC, ELI-MP

Relationship and Strategic Intervention Coach and Wellness Consultant

Author of the forthcoming book Interpersonal Skills For Success

Tel: +1(517)507-0550

"If you believe in what you do and you can really help people, then you have a moral obligation to try and bring it to as many people as possible." Chet Holmes

Location: East Lansing, MI
Credentials: BA, CPC, ELI-MP
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