Dad Of Biracial Kids Says He Got A Secret Paternity Test After Noticing One Of His Kids Had Darker Skin & Didn't Look 'Half-White'
He claimed that because of his son's darker skin color, he was unable to bond with him until getting the results of the paternity test.
Ivan Samkov / Pexels / Prostock-studio / Shutterstock A father believes his wife is "overreacting" after admitting that he didn't believe his son was his because of his skin tone.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — a forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them — he explained that he's married to a Black woman and they have two biracial children together but always felt that his son wasn't his own.
He admitted to believing his son wasn't his because his skin was darker.
In his Reddit post, he revealed that he has two children with his wife, a 5-year-old son, and a 3-year-old daughter. A year into his relationship with his then-girlfriend, she fell pregnant with their son and because of that, the two quickly got married.
Following the birth of his son, he wrote that he couldn't help but notice how much darker his son was and that he didn't look anything like him. "He is noticeably darker than my wife. He doesn’t look half-white."
"My family and friends have asked if I’m sure he’s mine. I had doubts, but I initially decided to trust my wife. I loved my son regardless," he continued. His opinion changed, though, following the birth of their daughter two years later.
He claimed after seeing his daughter for the first time, he immediately knew that she was his. "She looks just like me, she even has my blue eyes. I never realized how powerful it is to know a child is yours."
He admitted to bonding with his daughter in a deeper way than he has ever bonded with his son, especially without the worry of paternity hanging over his head with her. He concluded that because his daughter resembled him, he started to think that his son wasn't his child.
He decided to get a secret paternity test to find out if his son was biologically his.
"I tried to always treat them equally as I see them both as my children. But I realized I was beginning to resent my son," he wrote in his Reddit post. He truly believed that his son was not related to him at all, and claimed that the idea of taking care of someone else's son was putting a bad taste in his mouth.
He also began resenting his wife, believing that she had betrayed him and kept this huge secret from him for the past several years, leading him to eventually buy a secret paternity test.
"I was relieved to learn that my son is in fact mine. Genetics are weird. Anyways, that was 4 months ago and my relationship with my wife and son improved dramatically." He admitted to feeling a lot closer to his son now that he had proof of their relationship.
After getting confirmation, he confided in his wife about the secret test.
Once he knew the truth, he decided he wanted to tell his wife about the paternity test because of the guilt of initially keeping his thoughts a secret. Understandably so, his wife was incredibly angry about the entire ordeal.
"She flipped out. She asked me if I ever doubted our daughter, and when I said no she called me racist. It’s not true. I didn’t prefer my daughter because of her whiter features, I just knew she was mine," he insisted.
His wife accused him of making their son feel unloved all these years because of his outrageous idea that they weren't related. He attempted to rebut her argument, pointing out that even when he didn't think his son was his, he still loved him as if he were.
However, that did little to appease her, and she told him she now wants to move out and take their children with her.
"It’s been about a week and a half and I’m still on the sofa. I hoped she would’ve calmed down by now but things haven’t changed. She’s just so furious with me for not trusting her and for in her eyes, denying my son because he’s dark."
He acknowledged that he doesn't want to lose his family over this, but also doesn't understand why his wife is so angry and doesn't think this should ruin his marriage.
Most people agreed that he was in the wrong for thinking his son wasn't his child.
"She is absolutely not overreacting. You not only did not trust your wife, [but you also] let your ignorance get in the way of bonding with your child," one Reddit user pointed out. "I mean, what did you think was going to happen when you had biracial children?"
Another user added, "If you had doubts to the point where your relationship with your child is being affected, why did you wait two years to do so? Instead, for two years you let skin color become a barrier between you and your son. Not only that, but it also made you doubt your wife."
"There's so much online you could have used to educate yourself about genetics. Why didn't you just tell her that you wanted ease of mind? Also, did it ever occur to you to discuss any of your feelings with her at all?"
A third user chimed in, "You neglected your son for years because you couldn't be bothered to do some research on genetics and just assumed your mixed-race kids would automatically look like the stereotype in your head. It was racist and paranoid and also led you to be a bad father."
It seems this father may not have taken into account that there would be a possibility his child would be darker than both him and his wife. Not only did he not think about something like that happening, but when it did, his internalized bias prevented him from seeing past his own son's skin color.
Nia Tipton is a Brooklyn-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.