My Big Belly Should Be JUST As Sexy As Another Woman's Big Butt

Photo: courtesy of the author
Fat Women With Big Bellies Are Just As Sexy As Those With Big Butts
Self

At Least, IMHO...

I am not proud of my stomach. I am not confident about the way it looks.  

It's got stretch marks. It's big. It wobbles.

My belly button is a dangerous cavern not unlike something you might see in the horror film The Descentminus the subterranean cannibals (at least, there aren't any in there that I know of...). 

I love my body and I make an effort to thank it daily for everything it does for me.


That said, there are only so many times one can solemnly stroke their big ol' belly, look at it and say stuff like, "Thank you for being a part of me," before starting to feel like you're the star of some SNL sketch nobody but your boyfriend's dad would ever think is remotely funny.

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My belly isn't just fat, it's also got a little path made of hair that leads the way sweetly up from my pubis to my belly button. I called it my pleasure path once when I was fourteen and had my mother been drinking any sort of beverage at the time, the spit-take she would've done could have drowned several cities and/or saved California from its devastating drought conditions. 

The hair is an easy fix, of course. I get that business ripped right out on the regular by a waxer or by some monster of a woman wielding melted sugar who swears this method is less painful (spoiler alert: it very much is not).

Doing anything about the fatness of my belly, though, is pretty difficult.

I exercise, I diet, and yeah, when I lose weight my belly gets smaller, but it's never what you'd call a cute little tummy. It always remains a big ol' bulge.

When some women expose their midriffs they look adorable, even when they have a little belly. You know, the kind they get from eating say, three or four raisins.

Me? Well given that a woman recently thought I was pregnant, it should suffice to say there is nothing tiny and cute and about my stomach.

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I can be loving and proud of other parts of my body. I have a great butt. My legs are great. Boobs on point, sure. But when confronted with my belly... nope. I feel nothing other than embarrassment at worst and hatred at most. 

But what if we considered big bellies sexy the way we think big butts are?

Why can't they be? A big belly isn't really that different from a butt. It's round. It wiggles appealing. It's soft and inviting. And hey! Here's something worth considering: POOP DOES NOT COME OUT OF IT.

I don't know about you, but I would much rather a guy loved stroking my belly rather than squeezing my butt when he and I both know that I am perpetually three or four minutes away from issuing the most rank of gases from it.

I find what we decide as a culture to be the measures of a woman's sexual attractiveness to be both arbitrary and weird.

We sit on our butts. They help us to walk and make falling down slightly less painful than it could be.

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Our stomachs digest food. They sit prominently in front of us between our breasts and our vaginas.

Surely if it would be far more logical to favor big bellies over big butts on any given day of the week. 

So that's it. I'm done hiding my belly and I'm done hating it.

I'm wearing crop tops now. I'm tying my t-shirts into knots and showcasing my belly.

Heck, maybe I'll even adorn that monstrous cave that is my belly button with some jewelry to show off how damn sexy my belly bulge really is. I decide what I think is sexy about myself, and the toot machine I'm sitting on right now needs to take a step back and make way for the new sexpot in town: my pot belly. 

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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.