Sounds oddly familiar.
We've all seen this meme ...
... and each time we see it we find it just as hilarious as the last time.
Why? Because the only thing that's funnier than universal truths are the thoughts running through a woman's mind in those moments where she's running to shower and shave — the moment where she's plotting on getting the peen.
The motions that we go through before having sex are so much more than any man could imagine. But, because you can't be a fly on the wall or read our minds, here's a play-by-play of all the things women think prior to getting some. (This list is further proof that, damn, life is hard when you have a genetic predisposition to over thinking, i.e. most women.)
1. How does my vagina look? Do I need to run and shave?
2. But seriously, why is that even a question? Hurry, hurry.
3. Shit, I only have an hour ... that only leaves me about 30 minutes for everything else if I start shaving right now.
4. Damn it, I left some stray hairs. Wait, is that blood? Ahh, I nicked myself too? WTF.
5. I wonder if he'll notice that I didn't shave the back of my thighs or that I tried and left patches.
6. Should probably clean my nipple piercings so he doesn't have the equivalent of belly button lent in his mouth.
7. Fuuuck, totally forgot about my hair.
8. Don't worry too much, it'll be messed up in a few minutes. Just go with the messy bun.
9. T-shirt or something super sexy?
10. Jump his bones or just chill?
11. Chill! If you jump him you may be forced to get on top and you don't want those problems.
12. OK, you realize how that sounds? You're grown as hell and still worried about riding! Get. IT. Together.
13. Woman up!
14. OK, actually maybe just prepare with a little bit of booze. A glass of wine always does the trick.
15. Don't worry, you got this! Play 'Grown Woman' by Beyonce, you know, as a friendly reminder.
16. That reminds me: maybe a little mood music?
17. Hope this isn't a waste of a "number" — I'd rather save myself for good dick.
18. Hope I don't nibble on his neck like a fish eating those fish flakes.
19. You think he'll go down?
20. Either way, hope he doesn't expect me too because not today, Satan.
21. Where is he?
22. Oh shit, there goes the doorbell.
23. One last check. Vagina? Fresh. Hair? Done.
24. WAIT. Don't forget to take the scarf off your head.
25. Time to dominate this dick, bih.