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He's not being honest with you.
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on Apr 12, 2017
Sometimes men are just cowards, and I say that in the most loving and kind way possible. They’re desperate trying not to look like the bad guy so they’ll say and do things that they don’t mean so people in their lives don’t get hurt. I’d say that ghosting, benching, and basic dickishness comes from this flaw in their personalities.
The problem is that when someone isn’t honest and clear about what they’re feeling or what it is that they really want, people do get hurt.
Isn’t it more painful to hear that he’s not interested in you in that way or for him just to slowly fade from your life? Yeah, sometimes it’s much better to have the band-aid ripped from your skin rather than have it cut out with a machete while you’re asleep so that when you wake up you’re wondering why you have a gaping wound.
I’d rather not have false hope when it comes to a relationship, but maybe that’s just me. I know that the lure of the chase is exciting but I don’t want to do something that strenuous if there isn’t a payoff. Relationships are challenging, so why would I put so much work into something where I’m the only one who cares where it goes, while the other person is lackadaisical about everything?
We’ve all had enough therapy or friends who know the kinds of things we should say, such as using "I" to start sentences instead of "you" when we’re in an argument. And this is especially true with guys who have the nice guy disease.
He’s not going to come out with the truth if he thinks the chances are good that you’ll react badly, so he'll choose to phrase it in a way that’s easier to handle. Here's what he means when he says he’s emotionally unavailable, based on his zodiac sign.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
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He doesn't see sharing this adventure we call life with you in his future. You're fun to do things with but he doesn't see a relationship with you as long-term. He thinks of you as a tennis partner, workout buddy, and/or someone to go hiking with, just not someone he could settle down with.
Read: The 13 Brutal Truths About Loving An Aries, As Written By One
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
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He doesn't think he'd ever be able to trust you enough to have a long-term commitment. He knows that it's basically his problem but he can't envision having a life for you. He knows that it's his problem and not yours and he does feel bad about it.
Read: The 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Taurus, As Written By One
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
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He thinks you're fantastic but he's not ready to not see other people. It's a big world out there and there could be somebody better for him. He wants to keep his options open and if you're still around when he's dated everyone else, then maybe you could be the one.
Read: The 13 Brutal Truths About Loving A Gemini, As Written By One
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
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He's still not over his last relationship and he'd never want to hurt anyone the way that he was. However, the truth is he's not that into you. He cares about you but he's not passionately in love with you. He just wants to spare you any hurt and at the same time prevent himself from feeling any more pain.
Read: The 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Cancer, As Written By One
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
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He loves that you're so into him and he wants to encourage your devotion to him, but he's not really feeling it with you. If you wanted to be part of his posse, that would be best. So, if you can just change your status from girlfriend to hanger-on, he'd really appreciate it.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
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At least you know that he did his research first and found that saying he was emotionally unavailable was the least painful way of expressing his disinterest. He has a list in his head of all the characteristics that his perfect partner should have, and honestly, you don't have them. Most people don't; even he doesn't measure up to his own standards.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Virgo (As Written By A Virgo)
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
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The truth is he can get extremely needy and he'd rather not get too attached at this time. He's detaching himself from you in the easiest way possible so that he won't become too dependent on you and then leave you for someone else.
Read: 11 Brutal Truths About Loving A Libra, As Written By One
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
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He thinks once you see the real him, you're going to leave him and he doesn't want to risk it. He feels that you're on a whole different level than he is and that once you realize it, you'll be done. He'd rather vaguely break up with you than risk getting dumped.
Read: 14 Brutal Truths About Loving A Scorpio, As Written By One
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
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He wants to be straightforward and honest, and the truth is he is emotionally unavailable. He doesn't want ties or roots or anything that a serious relationship would entail. Now, if he found someone spectacular he'd be able to loosen his strict rule about not having commitments, but clearly, he doesn't feel that person is you.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Sagittarius, As Written By One
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
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You're too much of a challenge for him right now. You're unlike anyone he's ever known and he's intrigued by you, but it's uncomfortable for him to be out of his comfort zone. He's going to put you at arm's length until he feels more comfortable.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Capricorn, As Written By One
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
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The funny thing is that Aquarians are rarely emotionally available in the first place — they don't enjoy all the feels, so when he says this, what he really means is that he's not sexually attracted to you. It's not that you're not attractive, he just doesn't get easily aroused and he doesn't want to lead you on.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving An Aquarius, As Written By One
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
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He's a mess right now and he doesn't want to be a burden to you. If he were feeling better about himself and his life, he'd not only be emotionally available, he'd be available with all his body, heart, and soul. It's just not the time for commitment and/or romance. But he likes you — he really, really likes you.
Read: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving A Pisces, As Written By One
