Dating An Emotionally Guarded Man Is Like Rescuing A Dog

Learning how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man is like learning how to gain the trust of a beaten dog.

One of my dogs, Pumpkin, is a little feisty chihuahua I found one morning under a car by my house. She was covered in fleas and very frightened. I brought her into my home and she became my third furry, canine companion. She was not, however, the sweet, eager-to-please pup that dog lovers cherish.

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Pumpkin growled frequently, was distrusting and distant. She didn't allow my other dogs near her. One of my dogs is a macho Jack Russell terrier mix and he's a real bruiser. My other dog is a sweet-hearted chihuahua mix who is very polite and doesn't know a stranger.

Little Pumpkin warmed up right away to my chihuahua mix and not to my Jack Russell mix. Why? Because my Chihuahua mix invited Pumpkin to come closer, as opposed to my Jack Russell mix who constantly tried to bruise his way into her space.

If you are loving an emotionally unavailable man who remains at a distance, isn't emotionally open and who has admitted distrust in women, it's best you extend an unspoken invitation for him to get to know you and come close, rather then trying to "pull" love out of him like fingers from a Chinese finger cuff. Just like a Chinese finger cuff, his love will resist your advances.

How do you invite an emotionally unavailable man to come closer? You must do two things: sit on your hands and remain emotionally open to receiving his love. Everything has to be on his terms as far as how close he comes to you. Wanting to see you, be around you, hold you, know you, caress you, let you inside his heart and soul … it's all got to be on his clock or he won't trust you and will even feel resentful.

If you can handle this dynamic, where he is in control of the speed of the relationship and you want to further pursue a connection, it's best you stop yourself every time you want to shorten the gap between you both. So no calling him, touching him to force a connection, seducing him with sexy texts and photos, inviting him to concerts of his favorite band, etc. Instead, you let him come to you.

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You must remain patient and wait for him to call, invite you somewhere, touch you, ask you questions about yourself ... you let him create the safe place with you instead of you forcing him to feel safe in a way that will never make him feel comfortable. When he does come toward you, you have to be open to his advances. This doesn't mean you have to always be happy with every measly morsel he hesitantly dishes out. You can still be upset at him for not having called or having dismissed your feelings about something. Are You Too Needy?

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