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And what does it mean when he asks you for it?
By David Ley — Written on Oct 05, 2020
Many women wonder what why guys like anal sex so much. Men seem to fantasize obsessively about it.
Hundreds of porn movies are made every year fetishizing anal sex. Women everywhere debate whether they should or shouldn't have anal sex with their boyfriend or husband. And men discuss amongst themselves how they can convince their female partners to give it a try.
When women do have anal sex, the overwhelming majority do so at the request of their male partner. And men overwhelmingly report positive experiences following performing anal sex on a female partner, while many women who have received anal sex describe it as an unpleasant experience they probably wouldn't repeat.
So, why do guys like anal sex?
If you've asked yourself (or a friend), "Why do men like anal sex?" here are 7 answers for you ...
1. Men are interested in sexual variety.
Aside from this, there is no relevant evolutionary argument, as anal sex, of course, produces no heirs.
2. They find women who do it sexier.
Men believe women who are willing to engage in anal sex are more adventurous, more sensual, more relaxed in bed, and more orgasmic.
Anal sex and the desire to try it serves different purposes for men. The strongest and most common argument men voice is that a woman who will engage in anal sex is inherently arousing to a man. Such a woman, in embracing anal sex, embraces it with no possible intention of getting pregnant. It is sex, at its rawest.
For a man, anal sex with a woman is her allowing him to play Star Trek and venture into uncharted territory. Even if it isn't where no man has gone before, it is still something novel, uncommon and special in its rarity. A woman engaging in anal sex shows her desire and willingness to have sex in a purely physical way, with no thought of pregnancy. She is embracing, to some degree, a willingness to make her body a sexual object.
Additionally, some research suggests that women who engage in anal sex report having more orgasms, not necessarily during anal sex alone, but in their general sexual activity. The overall conclusion is that women who are willing to engage in anal sex tend to be more adventurous, more sensual, more relaxed in bed, and thus, more orgasmic.
3. Preparation is like intimate foreplay.
In some relationships where bondage and discipline factors play a role, the pain a woman might experience in anal sex is part of the allure.
For others, men and women often work carefully to decrease any pain by using lubricants and preparation to increase comfort and pleasure for both parties.
The special attention paid to preparation serves as an intense form of foreplay — heightening excitement, extending the sexuality and sensuousness of the encounter, and, not incidentally, increasing the chances that the woman will have an orgasm through the extended foreplay and stimulation.
4. Anal sex is seen as a form of "gift" from the woman.
This gift is viewed as something given out of love, regard, and a desire to give him something special and rare. When a woman is willing to engage in anal sex with her lover, it usually comes from a place of significant trust and love for her male partner.
5. Some people see a man having anal sex with a woman as a form of dominance.
In this case, the act is viewed as a way in which the man is "having every part of her body."
In most porn females are portrayed as fantasy women who are always ready, always hot, always excited, and always willing — so another way to view this genre is as one in which the actresses express and display their willingness to violate any and all taboos, no matter how "distasteful," because of how aroused they have become, rather than as an expression of female degradation.
6. It's perceived by some men as less intimate and less committed than penis-in-vagina intercourse.
Surprisingly large numbers of people don't regard anal sex as actual sex.
Some studies suggest that as many as 19% of college students view anal sex as less intimate, less committed, and less important than vaginal sex.
7. Anal sex is another taboo to be broken.
In the past, oral sex was taboo, as unrelated to procreation, and today, it has become ubiquitous, engaged in by most people, though where it is still rare, it remains an intense fantasy. Anal sex is just another taboo being broken.
So when couples have had oral sex, and anal sex, is there another taboo on the horizon? And another after that? And another? Is this a slippery slope that once started on, you glide down on a slick, unstoppable grease-like stream of bedroom lubricant?
Not necessarily.
There is no evidence suggesting that once a couple fulfills one fantasy or desire they ignite a burning desire for another. In fact, substantial evidence suggests that most people with one kink or another become fixed on that one and rarely expand.
And, for those couples who have had anal sex, it usually remains a rarity for them as well rather than an everyday occurrence, thus retaining its "specialness."
When did anal sex become popular?
Heterosexual anal sex has been around — and popular with men — for millennia.
There are paintings and etchings from long ago in Japan, China, and Europe — as well as ancient erotic drawings and pottery from the Mediterranean and South America — depicting men performing anal sex on women.
In some Polynesian cultures, anal sex was practiced explicitly as a means of birth control, just as today some adolescents regard anal sex as a means to prevent conception (regardless of the increased risks for transmission of sexually transmitted diseases).
But for married and committed couples, for whom disease and pregnancy aren't a significant concern, how can we explain the prevalence of this increasing male fascination with anal sex?
After all, over the past few decades, heterosexual anal sex rates have climbed. In the '50s, anal sex was reported by fewer than fifteen percent of the population. Modern overall rates suggest that around a third of men have performed anal sex on a woman and slightly fewer women have received anal sex, and these rates are higher among sexually active adults in their 20s.
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Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist and the Executive Director of a large outpatient mental health and substance abuse program in Albuquerque, NM. He first began treating perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse, later expanding his approach to include the fostering and promotion of healthy sexuality and awareness of the wide range of normative sexual behaviors, all of which informed his three books — Insatiable Wives, The Myth of Sex Addiction and Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man's Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure.
This article was originally published at Psychology Today. Reprinted with permission from the author.