Read at your own discretion.
Despite it being more mainstream than it has been in recent memory, anal sex still feels like the final frontier for straight couples. Once you go anal, is there anything else left? Well, of course there is, but for many people anal seems like the end all-be all, and one that usually includes lots of pain and one hell of a mess.
But the truth is, with the right lube anal doesn't have to hurt and it doesn't always result in poop-stained sheets.
For many, anal is actually a pretty enjoyable experience that's part of their regular sex diet. Yes, it's not without its occasional horror story but when you think about it, every sex act can result in a horror story. I mean, have you ever had sex during your period? Talk about a horror story that also looks like a mass murder has been committed in your sheets. Yikes.
Although it was like pulling teeth, YourTango managed to track down seven people ― gay, straight, male and female ― to give us their horrific anal sex stories. They are, well... horrible. And I suggest not reading them on your lunch break.
1. I couldn't even cry.
“As a gay man, I’ve been lucky enough to just have one anal sex horror incident. It was with my ex, and the first (and last) time I was the bottom. We were going at it in the dark, then things started feeling messy for him. We turned on the light and there was a brown mess everywhere. I was mortified. I didn’t know what to say or do; I couldn’t even cry. He tried to make light of it for my sake and made a joke that forced me to laugh. A few hours later, we were able to joke about it, but outside of that we never mentioned it again.”
2. I can laugh about it now.
“My ex had never had anal, so we drunkenly decided to do it one night (I had it like three times before then). I was on my stomach, he was on top of me, and everything was fine until I realized he had passed out... with his dick in my ass. Because he was drunk, he was dead weight and I couldn’t get him off or out of me. I had to lie there, crying of course, waiting for him to go flaccid. I can laugh about it now, but in that moment I remember thinking I had hit some sort of rock bottom.”
3. My lunch was still in tact.
“When I was in high school I was going through a religious phase and wanted to keep my virginity until I was married. I met my boyfriend at church and he felt the same way, so we decided we’d do anal instead. So we did it, without lube, without any sort of knowledge as to exactly what sort of possible issue there could be. Long story short, I literally sh*t the bed. Not to be too detailed, but most of the salad I had for lunch was still in tact.”
4. I went to the doctor and got probed.
“My boyfriend and I had some fairly aggressive make-up sex one night that resulted in me getting a few anal fissures. At first I didn’t think it was an issue but when the bleeding and pain wouldn’t stop, I went to the doctor and got probed. I had to sit on a weird donut pillow for weeks and had to tell the people at work I broke my tailbone, because the truth was too awkward.”
5. It was excruciating.
“My girlfriend and I mistakenly thought spit would suffice as lube. It did not. Once it was in she was in so much pain that even trying to get it out was excruciating for her, so I had to take the hand lotion she kept by the bed and dump it all over my dick and her ass to make it slippery enough to be at least bearable to get it out.”
6. The condom ended up getting stuck.
“We thought if we used a condom it could somehow eliminate a potential for mess on my boyfriend’s penis, but the condom ended up getting stuck in my ass. I’ve lost condoms in my vagina on a couple of occasions, but losing it in your ass is completely different. No matter how hard I pushed, it wouldn’t come out, so my boyfriend had to help. We’re still together, though!”
7. The foreskin tore.
“My boyfriend’s foreskin tore during anal sex. But I should point out that foreskin can tear during vaginal sex, too, and that had always been a fear of mine, because as an American foreskin is foreign to me. So yeah, it didn’t tear during vaginal, but tore during anal. I’m just happy I didn’t have to be in the doctor’s office with him for that.”