It ain't all 50 Shades.
When it comes to sex (she said, pushing up her glasses nerdily and licking her lips) I am a sexual submissive.
People have the wrong idea about ladies like me, submissives who like to get bossed around and tossed around in the boudoir.
We're not all sexual deviants with daddy issues and a penchant for spiked collars.
I mean we're not all JUST sexual deviants.
Most of us are just normal human beings who find that we enjoy a kinky BDSM sexual relationship the way most people enjoy pizza and ice cream:
Intensely and to excess.
If you were to ask me why I'm a submissive in bed, I would probably say "THAT IS NONE OF YOU BUSINESS."
But because this is the internet and because it is my job to normalize what we do in bed, and because I think it's kind of hot to share, allow me to pass on 5 of the top reasons why I'm sexually submissive.
1. Because I'm lazy AF. Sorry, but true.
You know what can be exhausting?
Sensitive modern men will do whatever they can to get you to climb on top of them, assume the cowgirl sex position and ride their dick like a pogo stick.
I know women who take pilates solely so that they can up their endurance during sex.
As a submissive I get thrown around, manhandled, and put in my place.
Which is my every side.
2. Because I'm a follower. But it's NOT a bad thing.
I'm not a take-charge person.
If ever there is some manner of revolution, you'll be able to spot me nervously holding a sign in the distance waiting to be told what to do.
When you're submissive in bed, it's not a character flaw, it's a desirable trait ... and one I've got in spades!
Because there are partners that I desire who are looking for someone exactly like me, who wants exactly what I want — and are more than happy to give it to me.
3. Because I literally am a dirty girl. Yes, yes I am.
Look, I'll be real.
I don't shower every day.
That's fine because I am not an athlete and also because I color my hair and not showering is good for it.
That doesn't mean I don't carry shame around for not meeting acceptable hygiene standards of the age.
So to have a guy whisper that I'm a dirty little girl and make it a good thing in bed is exactly the ego boost the doctor ordered.
The sex doctor.
Okay so maybe they mean, like, "naughty", but I'm also that.
And you know what? It's cool to turn something that society says is bad and evil into something that empowers me and turns me on.
4. Because I have a poor sense of direction
Tell me to go to the northeast corner of the southern quadrant of the westerly block uptown and I will just look at you blankly, and maybe cry.
Being submissive means wearing a leash, and wearing a leash means you are officially no longer in charge of figuring out how to get anywhere.
At least in the bedroom.
Though for sure some people literally do this in the outside world. More power to them if that's their thing.
5. Because I have cellulite
And it's a common fact that spanking stimulates the blood underneath the butt skin reducing the appearance of those ripples and dimples caused by cellulite.
By science I mean "an idea I had once that seemed to make sense that I never actually researched."
So go ahead and spank me (if we're having sex, I mean, not just randomly) and not only will I have fun, I'll tell myself it's good for me, too!
The truth is that sometimes I like a little pain. Even if it's not giving me skin like a newborn baby.
And there's nothing like being a submissive and having a trustworthy domme to fulfill that need.