These 25 Funny Christmas Quotes Will Brighten Any Grinch's Day

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Hey Grinch... we see you.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that Christmas time kind of sucks. OK, Ok, I know I sound like The Grinch and all, but hear me out.

Now that I know that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, (thanks a lot, my 10 year-old, nosy, detective self), that all of those Christmas cookies WILL go right to my butt and that buying gifts equals credit card debt, I’m just not that thrilled when December rolls around.

Christmas used to be a magical time for me filled with family, school parties, ALL OF THE CANDY and presents that people gave without expecting something in return. It was AWESOME.

I’m probably not alone on this one when saying that Christmas time nowadays is stressful and irritating. So, what am I proposing you do about it? Well ... nothing, really. ( I never claimed to have all the answers guys.)


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What I CAN offer, though, are some pretty hilarious, kind of sassy Christmas quotes that can help you lighten the mood this year.

When your mom is hounding you about what you’re bringing to Christmas dinner, or when the staff at the stores you shop at are being less than jolly, hit them with one of these funny holiday quotes.

If you find the light-up sweaters and antler headbands to be an appalling display of Christmas cheer, get one of these hilarious quotes printed on a t-shirt and rep. the holiday in your own way. Plus, the funny Christmas sayings could help you with gift ideas as you could get them printed on mugs, stockings or underwear — because we all know we're not alone in this grinchy-spirit.


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Also, if you want to make your Christmas cards a little more memorable this year, adding one of these sassy Christmas quotes could do the trick.

So, when you find yourself sobbing into a cup of hot cocoa and wanting to punch every Santa that even looks in your direction, just read one of these funny quotes and remember that it will all be over soon; until next year. 

If you're searching for the best quotes and memes to share with the people you love (or just want to feel inspired yourself) ... look no further! From the sweetest love quotesinspirational sayings, and hilarious friendship truths, we've got you covered.

Naps are always on my xmas list...

Christmas is so much worse as you get older. It's like "What do you want this year?" IDK. Financial security? A career? A sense of purpose? A nap would be nice.


 

Jingle those bells.

Always jingle all the way. No one likes a half-assed jingler.


 

Sounds delicious.

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?


 

Worth it for peppermint bark.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear... but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs and rear.


 

Tinsel is hard to untangle.
Photo:  Don't get your tinsel in a tangle. 

Don't get your tinsel in a tangle.

RELATED: 'Tis The Season For Love: 12 Christmas Quotes To Keep You Merry


 

Lucky guy!
Photo:  The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 

The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


 

Probably will get the same thing this year.

Last year I asked for the sexiest person ever for Christmas. I woke up in a box.


 

Sorry Santa.

Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty this year ... and it was SO worth it.


 

I know exactly what I want anyway.

Dear Santa,
[ ] I've been good this year
[ ] OK, most of the time
[ ] Once in a while
[X] OK fine. I'll go buy my own presents.


 

That would be more helpful than presents.

Dear Santa, when you get here, could you please throw a quick load in the washer, vacuum the carpets and wash your cookie plate? Thanks.

RELATED: 10 Christmas Songs That Are Actually Creepy As Hell


 

Even he is on the naughty list sometimes

Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You're getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.


 

Never say no to Merlot...

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if it runs out I'll drink the red.


 

Uh oh.

It's all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.


 

The best Christmas tradition.

Let's drink mulled wine and talk shit.


 

Buy your self some nice jewelry.

On the first day of Christmas your true love gave to you ... nothing because you're single.


 

Fat but happy.

You know what I got for Christmas? Fat. I got fat.


 

It shows more than I could.

Dear Santa, please refer to my Pinterest boards.


 

Hopefully it does!

Dear Santa, I was really good at being really naughty. Does that count?

RELATED: 7 Gifts Your Brand New Man Will LOVE! (And 7 Awkward Ones To Avoid)


 

Sounds about right.

Christmas (Noun) The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.


 

Just wondering...

Dear Santa... before I explain, how much do you know already?


 

The spirits will be sure to make you bright!

Dashin, dancin & prancin until I get blitzen.


 

Holly and jolly.

Jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.


 

Smart guy

Santa Claus has the right idea- visit people only once a year.


 

Is that too much to ask for?

My wish list for the holidays is short this year

1. $1,000,000 in cash 

2. The souls of all who have displeased me 

3. A kitten


 

Smart idea.

Avoid drinking too much at the office Christmas party by drinking too much before the office Christmas party.

RELATED: Snuggle Playlist! The 10 Most Romantic Christmas Songs Of ALL TIME


 

 

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