You Can Now Dress Up As A 'Sexy' Vagina Face For Halloween

vagina mask halloween costume

Can't. Look. Away.

Every Halloween is exactly the same. 

Costume manufacturer's take every possible idea you could think of, and make it into a "sexy" costume. 

Sexy Donald Trump? It exists. Sexy Eating Disorder? It exists (and needs to burn in hell). Sexy nurse? What is this, AMATEUR HOUR? 

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I understand the compulsion to transform yourself into someone different come Halloween. I love the holiday. When I had a pixie haircut I used to always be hair-themed characters for Halloween, one year Medusa, the next Rapunzel. Halloween is also a great time for couples to explore and have fun with their costume choices! Halloween couples costumes are, in my humble estimation, so much more fun than single people costumes. 

I also get that in a our patriarchal society, Halloween is also the one time of the year that many women feel comfortable presenting themselves and their bodies as being openly "sexy".

When you spend every day worried that some dude is trying to look through your yoga pants and call you a whore, it's nice to be able to flaunt your body without fear of public condemnation. 

That said, aren't the "sexy" themed costumes just kind of tired at this point? Can't we find another way to more honestly subvert the norm and celebrate our bodies?

At least one designer on Etsy agrees with me

Lo and behold, the vagina mask. 


​Etsy

I dare you not to look away. 

I mean, hell, if Halloween is going to be the only time of the year when it's okay to show off our female bodies, why not really show them off? You know, by wearing a terrifyingly realistic looking version of a vagina on your face and discussing the different types of vaginas

I, for one, think it's a hell of a lot more transgressive to run around wearing a vagina mask and taking sexy selfies than it is to dress up as a sexy plumber walking around demanding to inspect pipes all night, right? 

This vagina mask is a particularly solid option for the teenage girl whose dad vetoed her "sexy" 1960s costume. Don the vagina mask and pair it with a black turtleneck and slacks. He'll want to demand that you take off that vagina mask, but you win this round, after all you aren't showing an INCH of skin. 

If people get grossed out by your vagina mask, why not use it as an opportunity to teach people things they might not know about the vagina?

"Oh my god," they might say, "you're literally wearing a vagina on your face that's awful." To which you respond, "Vaginas are the ultimate in sexy. I could have dressed like a sexy French maid and worn a super short skirt teasing you with the notion of my vagina, but here it is in all its splendor, now COME HERE AND KISS ME!" 

The vagina mask is arguably the perfect antidote to sexy halloween costume epidemic. 

Vagina masks for everyone! 

 

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