A queef by any other name would smell as, uh...
Doctor Becca is in, folks, and today I'm here to talk about your vagina.
If you have a vagina, it will queef. Maybe it hasn't happened to you yet, or maybe it's happening to you right now, but vaginal farts are just another radical part of being a bomb-ass vagina-having human on planet earth.
Even though they are a universal truth, a lot of folks still have questions and misconceptions about vaginal farts. So let's go through the big ones and set the record (and your vagina) straight, shall we?
What is a vaginal fart?
Call it a front-bottom fart, call it a queef, call it a p-word poot, a vaginal fart is caused by air being pushed inside the vagina. Most women experience their first vaginal fart during sex for this reason, but there are other times air might get all squished into your vagina too.
What causes a vaginal fart?
As mentioned above, one of the most common causes of a vaginal fart is sexual penetration. Yup, your guy puts a penis or a pinkie in there too quickly and air comes with it. The stage is set for the perfect queef storm.
But it isn't JUST sex that causes them. In fact, AFTER sex, while you are relishing the afterglow, air that has been pushed into your body will escape and your vagina returns to its pre-aroused state.
Cue the queef.
You can also experience a vaginal fart during a routine pelvic exam, or while inserting a tampon. Exercise can also be a nasty culprit. This is why I quit running — too many queefs, and also it's really hard to eat an entire ice cream sundae while maintaining a 9 minute mile.
Does my vagina size have anything to do with my vaginal farts?
Let's face it: sometimes it's no fun being a female of the species, namely because of the sexism that's so prevalent in daily life. There's a myth that a woman with labia that are "too big" or who have larger vaginal openings are more susceptible to queefing. They aren't. Scientifically speaking, that's f*cking stupid*. Moving on.
Does a vaginal fart smell?
Well, I mean, in as much as it is coming out of your vagina, sure. It will probably smell like your vagina. But if you by smell you mean will it clear it a room like me after a basket of fried clams and three beers? No.
When you issue a regular old butt fart, your body is releasing gases that have been building up in your intestines all day. Those gases smell. Air being released from your vagina does not contain that same gas. You're welcome.
What can I do to stop vaginal farting?
I guess you could stop putting things up there.
But I think rather than trying to find a way to stop your body from doing something it's made to do, you might have better luck learning how to accept and love your body.
If a guy can't handle that your vagina queefs, then in my humble estimation, he has lost his right to access said vagina.
If you're feeling awkward mid-coitus after a queef, maybe trying making eye contact with your dude and bellowing "YOU MADE MY VAGINA DO THAT", just to let him know you won't have any of his body shaming nonsense.
So queef on, my friends. Queef on.
*I am not a scientist