(Written by a man who loves the hell out of women.)
"The best feeling is when you look at him and hes already staring." —85 million Internet memes
The laws of attraction are the laws of attraction because no one really understands them. So they need their own laws. Overwhelming curiosity, freight train infatuation, unstoppable pangs of waking up in the night to the image of a certain face, love-at-first-sight, hell, even second glass of red wine crushing, whatever it might be — there's inimitable electricity that comes with liking someone else in the true and special way.
You've been there. So have I. It's what makes us human.
I don't know if deer feel that way, the way we do. Or hippos. Or birds or trout or praying mantis. I hope they do. I hope they feel more than the standard tug of procreating. Lust is what keeps the species around, but it's not all there is when it comes to people.
We are different. We have this ability to lose our breath at the way another person flips their hair out of their face. At the way another person smiles calmly at us over their beer when our whole world is turning upside down.
It's hard to explain. It's tough sometimes to know if a person likes you in the way you might really be hoping they do. But f*ck it. I've liked so many women in my time. Even if most of them had no idea.
I've been smiled at, shot down, avoided, missed, ignored, kissed, and straight up left for another, all in the first deciding moments of what might have been. So why not me?
I might as well take a stab at giving the ladies a hint. Before I'm dead over here, you know?
So if you're wondering how to tell if a guy likes you, here are 50 ridiculously easy ways to know for sure.
1. He buys you a drink before he's visibly drunk.
2. He asks your close friend about you.
Which is, you know, so obvious.
3. In conversation, he barely talks about himself because he's asking about you.
4. He listens to the words you say.
5. There are follow-up questions to the questions he just asked.
6. He's humble.
7. When you walk by him on the street or in the bar or at work, he doesn't know what to do with his eyes.
But they always land on you anyway.
8. He tries to talk to you about books.
About what you read. TV, movies, food? Those things are cool. But books are best. Sports talk? F*ck no.
9. He loans you vinyl and says, "You have to hear this."
CDs maybe. YouTube links? Not enough information.
10. He touches your arm when you're talking.
And you are not offended or freaked out.
11. He buys you flowers.
12. Before you've known him longer than two conversations, he asks you about your family, about where you come from, and how you grew up.
13. You ask him questions about himself.
He answers and then asks you similar questions about you again.
14. He smiles a lot.
It's kind of ridiculous. It's kind of charming.
15. His imperfections don't seem to hold him back.
16. That vinyl you borrowed from him? He never asks for it back.
17. You kiss. He seems really nervous.
18. You kiss. He smiles.
19. You kiss. He doesn't try for more.
20. He loves your dog and you can tell right away.
21. His text messages are funny.
22. Sometimes you wait for his text messages responses, he takes forever, then it's just like one sentence.
He wrote a book. Erased it. Started over. He wants to get it right.
23. He's comfortable in street clothes around you.
24. He loans you a book.
He just brings it to you.
25. He never asks for the book back.
26. You catch him taking your face into his eyes.
He can't help it. And you can kinda tell.
27. He wants you to meet his best friend.
28. He's way into the way you are.
You're vegan. He's not. Or you don't drink. And he does.
29. He's in awe of how you've handled all the adversity life has thrown at you.
And again, you can tell it's real.
30. Sometimes you catch him checking you out like he isn't quite sure you're real.
It's all in the vibe. And you can tell.
31. He seems uninterested in anyone else when you're around.
He's still polite, inclusive. But you get the feeling he wishes they would jet.
32. You give him your number.
Or your email. He handles that perfectly. He contacts you. Too soon? Too long? You just know.
33. One night, he gives you another book.
Or more vinyl. Even though you still have the other stuff.
34. He makes you laugh.
And his eyes light up like Vegas each time he does.
35. He offers to help out with a burst pipe or the closet door that came off the hinges.
36. He cooks for you. It sucks.
37. He cooks for you. It's amazing.
38. He cooks for you. Then he loans you vinyl.
39. You mention that you like an obscure band or flick or that you're a Howard Stern junkie, and his jaw visibly drops in the name of joy.
40. He mentions his shortcomings to you before you've known him too long.
41. He isn't a cheater or an abuser or an asshat or frat boy idiot in a man's costume.
And you can tell all that by the way that he smiles when you laugh.
42. He's not a fistfight guy.
But something about the way he stands beside you, it makes you certain he would stand up for you in a heartbeat.
43. It isn't all about sex.
And you can tell.
44. You smile when you think about him.
You didn't expect that to happen. But you're sure he's doing the same.
45. He opens doors for you.
46. He helps take your coat off for you.
47. You take walks together.
48. He never checks his phone when you're in front of him.
49. You cook for him. He seems like he's in heaven.
50. He tells you he's crazy about you.
And you believe him.