5 Reasons Why It's MORE Powerful To Be Sexually Submissive

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It's takes strength to be submissive.

Before I had my own submissive experience, I had a pretty warped idea about what the BDSM relationship between a submissive and a dominant was like. 

To me it sounded perverse, like something sick and sexist. Why would you want to belittle yourself in your partner's eyes? What could be sexy about being used like a sex toy?


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I have never been so wrong in my entire life. 

Experimentation led me to discover that being submissive didn't just make me feel good, it made me realize just how powerful of a person I really am. 

Here's 5 reasons why, in case you're curious (and I know you are): 

1. When you're the submissive, you're the one with all the control 

Control freaks like me are notoriously massive submissives. Why? It actually makes a ridiculous amount of sense. If you spend your whole life like I do, trying to manage and control every aspect of your life from what you'll have for breakfast to how to split the bill at dinner, relinquishing all control feels insanely good. But see, here's the thing: the submissive is actually the one wielding all the power. Submissives set the parameters of the relationship in order to fully let go. It's an important contradiction. 

2. Being a true submissive means knowing yourself 

If you know yourself well enough to embrace your kinky side, that's proof that you're a whole, self-actualized person. People who turn up their noses at the idea of a person who gets off on being hurt or controlled within the acceptable parameters of a BDSM relationship are people who have yet to embrace the fullness of the human sexual experience. It's one thing to know being a submissive isn't for you, it's another to yuck somebody else's yum. 


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3. When you're the submissive, it's your choice and yours alone 

Nothing makes me angrier than people assuming that those who are into kink (and submissives in particular) must have been abused as children or just be generally perverted. This is as offensive to child sexual abuse survivors as it is to members of the kink community. Being a submissive is a choice. Making a choice for the benefit of your sex life and your emotional life is as powerful a statement as a person can make. 

4. It creates a deeper level of intimacy between you and your partner 

If we learned anything useful from 50 Shades of Grey (though we probably shouldn't have), it's that BDSM encourages a different level of emotional bonding than vanilla relationships. Don't get me wrong, if you're vanilla, you're just as likely to be able to develop a deep connection with your partner, but choosing to go the BDSM route means a kind of intimacy that can be downright shocking. It's amazing, rare, and leaves you feeling as strong and empowered as any good partnership. 


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5. It requires absolute trust 

In order to be my best self on a daily basis I need to feel supported. I doubt I'm alone in this. As a submissive, the absolute trust I put in my dom requires me to be open, honest, and straightforward in all things. This isn't always easy, but the strength I derive from this impacts every other part of waking life positively.