Cell phone sex games: when the porn won't load fast enough.
When I told my boyfriend Buddy that we would be reviewing a sex game for work, he was excited.
This is for two reasons: reason one, he’s a game designer himself and he’s always keen to see what else is out there, and reason two, I asked him to play a sex game with me.
The premise of iPassion is simple. Players can win rounds simply by knowing more about their partner than their partner knows about them. When a player wins a round, they get to select a "hot prize" which their partner must perform (ie. a sexy back rub, massage, a night's stay in a sexy hotel, etc.) or they can create their own prize.
It’s like The Newlywed Game only you basically win no matter what.
The game is free to download (plus), but that means it comes with the random loud unskippable advertisements (definite minus). There’s an option to buy the paid version of the app, but know that if you’re just sampling that's what you’re in for.
Once I was in, I invited my boyfriend to play. You can sign in using Facebook which is always a plus. That said, it was deeply unnerving to be exchanging intimate details about my sexual preferences with an Avatar that was my boyfriend’s recumbent cat.
About a minute into game play, we realized that the game is not designed for you to play WITH your partner. Sure, I mean, you are guessing your partner’s answers to sexy questions, but the interface is designed with the assumption that you guys aren’t in the same room or even area code.
It’s a lot like other gaming apps in that respect, you take your turn and wait for your partner to take theirs. But before they can, they are treated to a walk-through of how you guessed in the previous round: Fun if you aren’t together when you play, but super weird if you are.
If you think your partner is taking too long, you can nudge them, which Buddy and I did frequently more for our amusement than for any practical reason. When the game starts you’re presented with a chat screen and only a chat screen. There’s no way to actually start the game until the app decides to start the game. This led to some serious confusion and old-man like grumbling (from him, not me).
Once we dug in, it was a lot of fun aside from a few logistical hiccups. Buddy and I both had to answer questions about the dating site where we met and had some great (sometimes hilarious) conversations inspired by our answers. Any time you are sitting face to face with your partner engaged and laughing is time well-spent, if you ask me.
Be warned that the questions themselves were a little restrictive and heteronormative.
“What kind of perfume does he like best?” There’s no option for none, which, knowing men, is strange.
“Which Disney princess is he the most likely to be attracted to?” Yasmin was listed, and while I can only assume they meant Jasmine, the error was confusing.
There were also a lot of “your” instead of “you’re” grammatical errors, but I mean, that is basically how I spend my day, messing up grammar ... so I’m willing to give that a pass.
That said, referring to "stubble" as "stubbles" is still making me giggle.
Although we were critical when we started playing, we ended up getting sucked into the sex game. We got strangely competitive and when it became clear that I was going to be the winner I was SO ready to pick my dream sexy prize. I don’t think Buddy saw this one coming.
I requested that he order me a pizza. He declined to do so. End of game.
Ultimately we decided that one round of iPassion was enough for us. This might be a cool sex game for couples in long distance relationships, but by and large, the interface was too confusing and the questions not quite enough to get us talking. In closing, I will admit that his refusal to buy me a pizza might be coloring the entirety of this review.