19 Quotes From All-American (& TOTALLY Sassy) Author, Dorothy Parker

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Dororthy Parker had SASS down to a SCIENCE.

The first time I heard the name Dorothy Parker was during the Broadway musical, Thoroughly Modern Millie. It was the roaring 20’s and Ms. Dorothy Parker was a minor character but a sharp witted one. It turns out, she really was quite sarcastic — a trait she became widely known for. As of this year, Dorothy Parker would have turned a whopping 123 years old

So who, really, was Dorothy Parker?

She was a critic, shorty story writer, screenplay writer, poet, and satirist. Her wise-cracking humor, sharp-tongued wit, and general disdain for life made her an extremely fascinating, supremely accomplished lady.

She was born with her quick wit. When her mother died and her father remarried, instead of calling her step-mother “Mom,” she called her “The Housekeeper” because she didn’t like her. And when Parker was told former President Calvin Coolidge had died, she said, “How could they tell?”

It was that saucy humor that also got her fired from her role with Vanity Fair, after insulting one too many producers. When she married actor/screenwriter Alan Campbell, who was rumored to be bisexual, she responded, in public, that he was “queer as a billygoat.” Needless to say, Dorothy Parker would have fit much more easily into our culture today.

When Parker passed away at the age of 73, she left her estate to Dr. Martin Luther King. When he passed, it was transferred to the NAACP.

Parker was one of the strongest women in American history, and today, we honor her memory with some of her funniest, slap-you-in-the-face quotes that will have you laughing, but more importantly, thinking!


If you're searching for the best quotes and memes to share with the people you love (or just want to feel inspired yourself) ... look no further! From the sweetest love quotes, inspirational sayings, and hilarious friendship truths, we've got you covered.

Sassy and smart takes preparation.
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dorothy parker quotes

"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue." — Dorothy Parker

On going with your gut.
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dorothy parker quotes

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice." — Dorothy Parker

On her powerful work.
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dorothy parker quotes

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force" — Dorothy Parker

On how she really feels about the big issues.
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dorothy parker quotes

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people He gave it to." — Dorothy Parker

On how to make life WAY easier.
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dorothy parker quotes

"Four things without which I would have been better: love, curiosity, freckles and doubts." — Dorothy Parker

On sexuality and society.
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dorothy parker quotes

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common." — Dorothy Parker

On what it takes to be a writer.
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dorothy parker quotes

"If you have any wrong friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy." - Dorothy Parker

On loving (and hating) what she does.
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dorothy parker quotes

"I hate writing; I love having written." - Dorothy Parker

On growing and learning.
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dorothy parker quotes

"And if my heart be scarred and burned, the safer, I, for all I learned." - Dorothy Parker

On taking risks, even when you don't think they are the right ones.
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dorothy parker quotes

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment." - Dorothy Parker

On drinking.
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dorothy parker quotes

"I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host." - Dorothy Parker

On dealing with people.
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dorothy parker quotes

"I was always sweet at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them." - Dorothy Parker

On life.
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dorothy parker quotes

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone." - Dorothy Parker

On friendship.
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dorothy parker quotes

"Constant use will not wear ragged the fabric of friendship." - Dorothy Parker

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dorothy parker quotes

"I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon." - Dorothy Parker

On marriage.
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dorothy parker quotes

"The definition of eternity is two people and a ham." - Dorothy Parker

On moving on.
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dorothy parker quotes

"Lips that taste of tears, they say, are the best for kissing." - Dorothy Parker

On heartbreak.
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dorothy parker quotes

"By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is, Infinite, Undying — Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying." - Dorothy Parker

On love.
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dorothy parker quotes

“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.” — Dorothy Parker



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