Kind, Selfless People Have Better Sex — And More Of It (Says Study)

A new study recently released by The British Journal of Psychology has determined that kinder people have MUCH better sex than the rest of us — and more of it, to boot. All hail science, amiright? 

Here's how the study worked: 192 single women and 105 single men took a series of tests to assess themselves on their levels of altruism and their success in datin' and matin' (trademark me, if you want to start a TV show using this title, holler at your boy). 

It turns out that when it comes to sex, nice guys really finish first! 

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The nicer the person was reported as being, the more success they had in the sack.

For men, this also included a higher number of casual sex partners than for women. Scientifically speaking, that makes sense because in the hunter-gatherer cultures of yesteryear, a man's ability to return to his tribe and display generosity with his loot made him a much more viable partner. Ain't nothing sexier than a man who will let you eat half of his mammoth ribs. 

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But here's where it gets interesting (to me at any rate). Because these assessments were self-reported, we only know what the subject tells us. So while we know, for example, that they say they might donate their lottery winnings to charity (thus getting more booty), they don't say WHY they would give to charity. 

It make me sound like a jaded jerk (and I am, a little) but men aren't stupid, and neither are women. We know that it is more attractive to give a homeless person a dollar than it is to steal from their cup. I'm not saying that all our altruism is powered by a desire to get la-la-la-laid, but I think it would be naive to remove our awareness of how we are being perceived by others as a factor when it comes to how we behave. 

Still, I can't deny how reassuring it is to hear that being kind is a biological imperative. I am absolutely going to tell my boyfriend this the next time he snaps at someone on the street trying to sell him a new cell phone. "It turns out," I'll say pushing up my glasses like the true nerd that I am, "that if you are nice to sales people you are more likely to get a blowjob from your girlfriend, according to science." 

He might question the accuracy of this statement internally, but externally all he'll be "thinking" is niceness equals a sexual favors. Ain't love grand?