His tongue does circles around my clitoris, like he's forever known where it is.
Oral sex is not an easy topic for women to discuss. For some reason, we've all been shamed to feel like we need to give blowjobs to guys, but that they don't have to go down on us.
I remember in high school thinking how gross it would be for someone to put their face in my crotch. Rumors of fishy smells and hairy pubes can traumatize someone before anything even happens.
The first time someone went down on me, it was awkward. I was freshly waxed, just like society told me I should be. It was slobbery and messy, and all I could think about was the consequence to him finding even a single hair down there.
It was stressful, it was unpleasant, and I most certainly did not orgasm.
The unpleasantness didn't stop there. I went through a phase in my relationships where I just did not enjoy oral sex. It was better to skip it altogether. Avoid the body shame, the pressure to orgasm, and then the dreadful supposed requirement to reciprocate.
Don't worry, though, there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Many scream-inducing, leg-shaking, head-throwing lights.
Fast forward a few years to the best oral sex I've ever received. Picture this: I'm a bit older, less ashamed of my body. I have a full bush and a much more "I don't care what you think" attitude, which is a good way to start a one-night stand. Yes, my best oral sex was given to me by a one-night stand. Three years later, he's still my boyfriend, so you know it was good.
We're in his house with no one else at home. I've had about one bottle of wine and three pints of beer, and he's had more, so thank god no one else is home. He offers me a glass of wine, and I bravely decline it by saying, "I'm not really here for the wine." He takes the hint and swoops in for a kiss that ends up lingering down the hallway, dropping clothes and crashing onto his bed.
Before I can even react, he's between my legs ... with his mouth. His warm air exhaling over my labia, sending shivers down my legs. His tongue doing circles around my clitoris, like he's forever known where it is.
I suddenly don't care about my untamed pubic hair or my sweat from dancing earlier that evening. He's inhaling at every possible moment and letting out little moans that vibrate into my labia, making me even wetter. His hands are grabbing my stomach, my butt, my pubic hair... inside my vagina.
If we had a list of oral sex tips for men, he would have crossed each one off that list. Breathing through his mouth, consistent pressure and small circles on my clitoris, using his hands to penetrate me and find my G-spot. But there always seems to be one crucial thing excluded from those lists: passion.
He loved every moment of eating me out. He dove right in, he was eagerly playing around and he was determined to make me orgasm. His passion made my typically-ashamed brain shut up for once.
I was no longer tempted to interrupt the moment, knowing I wasn't going to orgasm. I wasn't tempted to feel obligated to return the favor. I just lay there moaning and enjoying the sensations that were tingling all over my body. I was enjoying the pleasure I was getting from someone without letting societal norms control my brain.
So what does it feel like when a man gives you the best oral sex in the world? It feels comfortable. It feels pleasurable. It feels obligation-free. It feels covered in heavy breaths and wandering fingers. It feels normal. It feels like this should have been OK all along.
It feels like I've been missing out — like we've all been missing out.
The best oral sex happened when I was comfortable with my body and when my partner demonstrated passion for it. It happened when my partner didn't show obligation, but enjoyment instead. It allowed me to feel like I deserved pleasure and embraced the moment, regardless of orgasm or not.
Imagine all those years wasted by societal norms saying pleasure is only for men. Learn from my experience: go out there and find yourself a partner that not only knows how to eat you out, but WANTS to eat you out. I guarantee that it'll be the best oral sex in the world.