Bonus sign: You're reading this while wearing a ball-gag.
Sexual masochism is defined as being "that thing where getting hit by a ping-pong paddle really does it for you in the pants region." But such high-falutin' definitions can be hard to understand and access in our daily lives.
So how do you know for sure you're a sexual masochist? Ask your mom! (Jk, jk.) What you should do is consider the signs listed below while in a gimp mask, because those always come in handy for BDSM.
1. When someone bumps into you on the street, you say don't say, "Excuse me" or "Watch where you're going." Instead, you say "Oooooh THANK you!"
2. You get a vicious sunburn while enjoying a pleasant outdoor brunch. A friend offers you aloe, but you demure, instead reaching for the salt shaker. You sprinkle salt on your blistered shoulders and orgasm.
3. When you're late to work, you seriously consider asking your boss to punish you.
4. You've never NOT taken a sip of your coffee when it was too hot ... and liked it.
5. See above, but with eating pizza.
6. You accidentally buy pants that are a size too small. "Aren't those uncomfortable?" your best friend asks. But you can't hear her because the circulation has been cut off to your butt and now EVERYTHING IS VERY EROTIC.
7. You see a mother spanking her child and are deeply upset by this. "That's just not right," you say as you walk away from the scene dazed. "That's just not right."
8. You were once sent home from work early because you got a paper cut during a meeting, and a colleague didn't like the way you sucked on your finger while making deep, long eye contact with him.
9. When visiting friends in different cities, you really enjoy sleeping on their foldout sofas.
10. Your favorite thing is when a TV show you really love gets canceled after a season finale cliffhanger. Talk about one for the spank-bank!
11. Your preferred music for love-making is the dulcet crooning of Insane Clown Posse.