Your (Hot As F*ck) Guide To TRULY Mastering SLOW Sex

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You ready?

In today’s over-stressed, disconnected world, sex should be the sacred space that you carve out in order to deeply connect with your partner. Sex isn’t a task. Your orgasms aren’t on a to-do list.

Sex is an experience to savor, and it starts by doing the following.

Slow sex starts in foreplay. For many couples, their pre-sex rituals are the things that build the sexual tension and anticipation in the room.

It could be as overt as putting on your sex playlist, putting condoms on the bedside table, and hungrily looking into your partners eyes and saying “Get your sexy ass on the bed, now.” Or it could be as subtle as grabbing your partner’s bum while they brush their teeth. 

Turn off any and all digital distractions. Have a bath together, or start with some light massage. Heck, even slow dancing to imaginary music at the foot of your bed will work. Anything that allows you to disconnect from your day, get into your body, and connect with your partner is phenomenal pre-foreplay.

Now, on to the juicy stuff.


If your partner is a woman

I spent years studying Taoist sexual philosophy, and one of my absolute favorite concepts that came from them is the idea that women and men cultivate sexual energy differently. Men’s sexual energy starts in the genitals and spreads outwards over time, and women’s sexual energy starts in the extremities and needs to be slowly brought towards the genitals.

So what does this mean in practical, actable terms?

Here are a few examples of things that you can do to start your slow sex foreplay:

  • Spend time touching and cuddling. 
  • If your partner enjoys being kissed on the neck/shoulder area, then spend a few minutes lightly breathing on the nape of her back, behind her ear, and over the part of her shoulder. Over time, use somewhat firmer touch, suck on her flesh lightly.
  • Spend ample time kissing her. Kiss her everywhere. 
  • Spend enough time on the preparatory phase that when you eventually go to touch her more intimately, you’ll have no doubt that she’ll already be really turned on. If you’re unsure, double the time that you tease her/engage in your foreplay. Her body should start moving in a responsive manner with your hands. Her breathing will change. 
  • Don’t just b-line it for her. Run your fingers over her stomach, over her hip bones, down her hips, on the inside and outside of her thighs. Take your time. 
  • When you decide/she decides that you/she would like to have your mouth on her, kiss your way down her body. Kiss her everywhere. Multiple times.
  • Get into a comfortable position, when you’re getting ready to go down on her. If you contort your body into an awkward position that will inevitably make you cramp up, it communicates from the get-go “I’m just doing this for a few seconds because I think it is expected of me, and I won’t be here long.” 
  • Consider the intent behind your contact. How would you touch your lover if the intent behind your touch was to show and communicate tenderness? What about if it was lust? How about craving?Remember, she is the expert. Go in with open ears and an open mind, and your slow sex session will be off to a great start.


If your partner is a man

Anyone, regardless of gender, can have a more intense orgasm from the repeated rising and falling of their sexual arousal. Men benefit more from getting out of their heads and into their bodies because our relationship to our masculine is hyper logical/heady one. 

Your man knows what he wants/needs better than any list on the internet, so make sure you’re communicating before and during your sexual play, and outside of the bedroom as well.

  • Touch. Whether it’s an extended hug hello, an unexpectedly tender kiss on the lips, or simply having their bare torso connect with their partners at the end of a workday, nothing gets men more into their bodies than physical contact. 
  • Consider the energy behind the touch. Your partner might need you to start with tenderness, care, and softness… or they might respond the most strongly to you unexpectedly grabbing their crotch while they’re engaging in a decidedly non-sexual activity.
  • Are you in bed/somewhere where you’re starting to get frisky? Wake up his flesh with your lips and fingers.
  • Kiss him softly. Suck on his lower lip. Graze your lips across his torso. Press your body against his. Let your hair act as another hand… drag it over him slowly. The feminine chaos is part of your sexual charm… embrace it.
  • After teasing for a while, you will know when he is ready and wanting more. You want to walk the line between building anticipation/sexual tension and creeping up on his genuine frustration. The window of time you have is likely longer than you think it is. 
  • When you decide to start interacting directly with his penis, find your way there slowly. Tease his inner thighs. Slowly run your finger tip along the underside of his shaft. 
  • If you want to take him into your mouth, take your time. It's not a race to get to the intense action.


During Your Sexual Play

Sex isn’t meant to be sterile, or neat, or organized, or linear. Sex is about feeling and connecting and playing and enjoying. 

So, to carry the slowness into your sexual exploration…

  • Take your time when first penetrating/being penetrated. Enter/allow yourself to be entered while feeling every inch of your partner’s flesh.
  • Make eye contact. Or wear blind folds. Kiss a lot. Or bite instead. Try out some dirty talk. Touch, feel, communicate, taste, and play. 
  • Bring them close to orgasm, and then stop just before they climax. You could either do this once/a few times in order to intensify their eventual orgasm, or you could do this for hours/all night.
  • Make them climax with your hands, with your mouth, and with your genitals. Maybe your partner loves building up to one really big orgasm and calling it a night or maybe they want to orgasm so many times that you both lose count. 
  • Notice what happens when you kill the music and enjoy slow sex in relative silence. Have the only soundtrack for your session be your breathing and voices.


After play

Even if you’re both spent and feel like collapsing in a pile of oxytocin-flooded awesomeness, there are still things you can do to savor the moment as the afterglow carries you back down to a blissful reality.

If you are a male and female partnership, maybe the male partner had one orgasm and his partner had a dozen and the male partner has ample energy to give his partner a massage as she drifts in and out of sleep. Maybe you really benefit from close, press-as-tight-to-each-other-as-possible cuddling while you’re both still glistening with sweat. Maybe you’d prefer to hop in the shower so that you can lather each other up and wash off. 

Whatever you get up to as your sex sessions is winding down, take your time doing it. Don’t race through it like you race through most of your life… slow down and savor every sensation. Remain present for it all. 

Check out Jordan's video course Supercharge Your Sex Life for lots of great tips and tricks that will help you on your journey towards sexual mastery.

This article was originally published at Jordan Gray Consulting. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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