5 Things You Must Know Before Dating A Stripper (As Written By One)
We're not always horny. Sorry.
Arthur-studio10 / Shutterstock How cool is it going to be to tell all your guy friends that you're dating a stripper?
Talk about upping your rep. She's hot and everyone knows it.
And she's with you; she chose you!
Everyone else has to pay just to see her flash some flesh, but she's with you for real. It's like winning the dating lotto.
Or is it?
As a former stripper, I dealt with lots of guys beating down my door to date me. Even after I was no longer a stripper, guys were super-stoked to be able to brag about my past life.
Well, before you start counting your benefits, let me fill you in on a few things to keep in mind before you start dating a stripper:
1. We aren't always in the mood.
I know, I know. It seems hard to believe. How could a woman who spends her nights drenched in her own hotness, dancing and seductive, not come home to you ready to make love?
Oh, well, maybe the answer lies right there. She's been acting like a goddess all night long. For eight hours. In six-inch stilettos.
For dollar bills from strangers, a lot of them jerks who undermine her apparent extreme self-confidence.
When she comes home to you, the last thing on her mind is sex.
She wants someone to complain about men to while she soaks her aching feet in a hot bath, and then it's off to dreamland until it's time to wake up and do it all again. Not exactly the makings of a romantic girlfriend.
2. We don't dress like vixens in real life.
If you're thinking that every party or club you attend with your girlfriend will have all eyes on you as the sexiest couple alive, you might want to back that bus up a bit.
As soon as dancers clock out, off comes the rhinestone thong and leather chaps, and on slips the cotton undies, oversized sweatpants and t-shirt.
Think about it: when you get home from a day at the office or the salt mines, don't you want to loosen your tie or undo your overalls and get super-comfortable?
It's not any different for exotic dancers.
3. We aren't always confident and body-positive.
If you believe you'll be able to skip all that, "Honey, does this make me look fat?" nonsense because your girlfriend is the hottest thing since whipped cream, think again.
Even though she may make lots of money from her beauty, dancing skills, and ability to seduce hundreds of men in a single day, it doesn't necessarily equate with her being anywhere near confident about her worth or self-value.
You've heard of "fake it 'til you make it." For strippers, it's more like just keep faking it until you leave the business.
Even if your girl starts out feeling confident about her looks, chances are that the constant demeaning names thrown her way on the daily will take a toll on how she feels about herself.
So rather than having a super hero beauty queen, you may have to constantly reassure her that she's valuable, beautiful and perfect just the way she is.
4. We aren't looking for a quick hook-up or a kinky ménage a trois.
If you didn't believe what I explained in #1, then please hear me now: not all women who happen to work in the adult entertainment business are all about outrageous sexual experiences.
Yes, the odds may be in your favor that a stripper may be more willing to experiment or be into some less-than-vanilla activities, but don't start planning threesomes quite yet.
The mere fact that a woman feels sexually-open enough to take her clothes off for strangers does imply a certain level of openness and interest in less-than-strictly missionary style escapades, but it doesn't guarantee that she isn't looking for what a lot of women desire, which is a conventional, monogamous relationship.
Remember, for most dancers, stripping is just a job and a way to make quick cash, not a lifestyle.
5. We won't just quit our job because you say so.
While dating a stripper probably makes you feel quite manly at the beginning of the relationship, how might your feelings change if you find yourself falling in love?
Will you still be OK with her occupation if you're thinking about bringing her home to meet the folks?
All of a sudden, does her line of work cause you seriously gruesome gastric attacks?
Don't assume that just because you guys are getting serious that she'll be willing to quit her job, even if she's hinted at it earlier in the relationship.
I've witnessed firsthand how quickly a casual boyfriend's feelings can change from, "Hell, yeah, my girl's a stripper!" to "Now that we're a couple, you're going to be leaving the club for me, right?"
I mean, if she really loves you, she'll change for you.
You would do the same for her, wouldn't you?
You'd quit your job, become unemployed with no ability to support yourself just because she suddenly didn't like your line of work that she was perfectly fine with earlier, right? What? That wouldn't be right or fair or truly loving for her to expect you to change?
Be really honest here, because otherwise you may be setting yourself up for heartache.
Do you think you could still love her if she wanted to keep her job, but also meet your mom and dad and perhaps be the mother of your children? Or am I jumping ahead here? I mean, she is a super-hot stripper.
Sheila Hageman is the ultimate survivor and risk taker — she’s a former stripper and nude model who became her college valedictorian, a yoga instructor, a writing teacher, an author, a mother and a Body Image Expert. She lives with her husband, three children, father-in-law and three cats in Connecticut.