2 Reasons Why You DON'T Need The Dirty Details Of Their Affair

The more details, the opportunities of repairing your marriage ...

You just found out that your spouse was having an affair, and you don't know what to think. You're beyond angry and hurt, and all you want is ALL of the truth.

You ask your unfaithful spouse for every little detail so that you can understand EVERYTHING that happened. How could he or she — the person that you love and devoted your life to — turn on you that way? 

It's important for your cheating spouse to tell you that he or she has cheated if you want to rebuild a strong relationship. 

Dr. Mark D. White of Psychology Today says, "Look at it this way: you already betrayed your partner and compromised your relationship by having an affair. These facts will never go away, regardless of whether or not you tell your partner. But confessing your affair is the first step towards repairing the harm you've done by having it."

But do you really need each intimate detail of the affair? Founder and CEO of YourTango and host Andrea Miller, directors of IMAGO Relationship therapy, counselors and therapist Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, marriage and family therapist Christine Wilke, counselor and therapist Cindy Cartee, and counselor and therapist Cheryl Gerson say that if you're planning on mending your marriage, the details are NOT for your ears to hear. Here are the reasons why divulging this much can only worsen your chances of forgiveness and healing:

1. The Affair Will CORRODE The Marriage

If this heavy topic of heartbreak becomes your only conversation topic, the heartbreak will signify and destroy the marriage all together. Christine Wilke offers a great way around this: "It's best maybe to compartmentalize it, and maybe have a certain time of the day where you really hash it out and make the other times light and playful so you can maybe get that reconnection back." 

2. The Sexual Details DISSOLVE Trust And Intimacy 

Knowing that your unfaithful spouse was sexual is the end of that conversation. Dr. Hendrix makes a very important point that, "The person who really wants to know all the details is least capable of handling it. And the more they get about the details, they're more visual and emotionally incapable of handling that kind of information." You won't be able to rebuild the trust within the marriage once you know exactly how sexually intimate your spouse was with someone else. 

Before you press your spouse into telling you every little dirty detail, consider this advice. The Expert panel above offers some helpful ways to address infidelity. Scroll up to watch the video to learn how to repair the pieces of your broken marriage after an affair.


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