Stop getting in the way of your own goals.
By YourTango Experts and Renee Jain and Jennifer Wilkov and Mary Morrissey and Carolyn R. Owens and Crystal Kulpcavage — Written on Dec 27, 2017
Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.
It's almost as if we have some sort of internal tracker that senses when we're finally close to achieving what we want and being happy, and then — poof! We destroy it in just one take. Self-sabatoge at its finest.
We can all agree that one of the worst feelings is when we push ourselves to work hard at something — whether it's in our personal, love or work life — but then end up coming up short. Why is that?
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Why do we put so much effort into destroying our own happiness?
In the YourTango Expert video above, life coach and host Renee Jain, authors Jennifer S. Wilkov and Mary Morrissey, and life coaches Carolyn R. Owens and Crystal Kulpcavage explain how this self-sabatoging process happens — and what you can do about it.
Carolyn says, "The main thing that holds us back is that four letter word: fear. And what does fear really mean? False evidence appearing real." When you think about fear from this new perspective, it's easy to see why it doesn't serve you.
This fear gives way to self-doubt and can even spiral out of control, making you believe that you don't deserve this happiness or shouldn't take this leap of faith in the first place.
When you find yourself in such a position, Crystal suggests revisiting your purpose by asking yourself three questions.
When self-doubt is getting in your way, ask yourself:
1. What do you want?
2. Why do you want it?
3. Why are you capable of achieving it?
When fear starts to take hold and causes you to doubt yourself and your abilities, revisit your responses to these questions to renew your dedication and confidence. It's an effective way to essentially keep your eyes on the prize.
Doing so will help you "reset the thermostat" on your life, Mary adds. By turning up the thermostat and allowing more positive energy into your life, you're choosing to stop pushing aside your needs and what you want and start improving your self-image in the process.
"Fear is never going to be out of the equation," Renee explains, so making a conscious effort to stop letting it and our own misgivings get in the way of what we want is critical.
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After all, not only is self-sabotaging behavior detrimental to our health and happiness, it stops us from achieving what we want and what we've been working toward.
Watch this powerful YourTango Expert video above, and see for yourself how you can stop self-sabotaging behavior in its tracks and practice self-love in its place.