"What's the point of being together, if you don't spend the warm, fuzzy holidays with each other?"
The holidays are supposed to be about spending time with your loved ones, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Between vacation conflict, distances, and being stuck at an airport because a snowstorm decided to hit the day before Christmas, holidays with friends and family can be tricky. But, what if none of those factors contribute to you and your partner being apart for the holidays? What if your partner just doesn't think it's important to spend the holiday with you? What then?
For this week's "What Would Women Really Think…," I asked the ladies their thoughts on dating someone who doesn't think it's important to be together during the holidays. Is it totally fine, because the holidays are a commercialized hot mess anyway? The end of the world, because, to quote Mariah, "All I want for Christmas is you?" Or whatever, because there's always next year—that is if you don't dump them before then?
Here's what they had to say.
Gotta be together.
"My husband couldn't care any less about Christmas because it's meaningless to him as a lifelong atheist, but he gets that I am a Christmas lover. He doesn't get into the holiday spirit, but he knows it's important to me to be together and do all the things so it's important to him as a result," says Colleen, 31.
"I think it's a must. What's the point of being in a relationship, if you don't spend the warm and fuzzy holidays with each other? I'm not saying we need to be inseparable, but we have to spend some time together," says Leigh, 29.
"Holidays in my family are not always in a set location. And expectations are pretty liberal as long as a phone call is made to share the greeting of the day. My family is my family year round and I don't stress about seeing every single person we both know within the span of a couple days just because a bunch of cards with pictures of kids and Christmas trees show up in my mail box. But, visits with family requires back up. I'd rather have my partner in crime by my side to share in the horror (or joy) of the experience of house calls," says Jen, 35.
"Sounds perfect! Where is this person?" asks Autumn, 25.
"Do not care, and in fact, actively encourage. I've heard too many horror stories about married/serious relationship friends having to see two sets of parents (and sometimes more, because divorce), or else there's actual hell to pay. Split up, cover more ground," says Alle, 31.
"Honestly, I don't care for his family and I know my family is iffy about him, so I'd rather go it alone. I figure New Year's Eve is more our scene anyway," says Sarah, 27.
Depends on what stage of the game the relationship is in…
"Being together during the holidays equals being around my family during the holidays. If he wants to swing it, and he can hack it, he's totally in. But if it were the early stages of seeing someone (early enough that I'd feel uncomfortable bringing him around family and we've come nowhere close to having 'The Relationship Talk') then not only would I not expect it, I'd probably make sure to avoid it," says Diana, 36.
"Totally depends on their reasons. If they don't think it's important because it's still the early stages of dating, then I totally agree! If they're just trying to spare me their crazy family or just don't celebrate those holidays personally, I can also get behind that! But certain holidays are important to me (albeit not the normal ones—Halloween and solstices, for example) and I would hope that they will make some effort for something that I care about," says Becky, 30.
Depends on the holiday.
"OK… so by 'depends on what holiday' I mean none of the holidays really matter except maybe practical ones (aka long weekend?)… and Christmas, maybe? But honestly I think a lot of couples force togetherness on holidays when sometimes it's not practical. My BF and I are close to our families, but I hear so many traveling horror stories from friends who are not as close. And to me it's like, just do you and then see each other later. " says Amanda, 27.
"Easter or Memorial Day? Don't care. Christmas and July 4th? Totally care. But only because those are my favorite holidays and I want him with me on them," says Annie, 32.