As a professional photographer, I'm disappointed with the state of the selfie, the sexy selfie in particular. With the sheer amount of "leaked" photos on the Internet, it's infuriating that we're raising the next generation to believe that terribly composed, naked iPhone photos are OK. For goodness sakes, the nude photo used to be an ART FORM, but lately it seems we seem to have forgotten how truly stunning the human body can be in all its subtlety. (Lest I sound shame-y, I, too, have been guilty of the full face, full-on boob shot. And guess what? My husband never complained - and your man probably won't either.) But after becoming more involved in boudoir and portrait photography, I discovered that there are many more exciting ways to increase the mystery of a nudie pic without simply flashing your rack - and GUESS WHAT? They're super-easy. Follow these tips (illsutrated with a little help from our pal, Barbie) and your sexy selfies won't just stand out, they'll practically moan with excitement.
PRO TIP #1: If You Take It, Assume Everyone Might See It.
If your phone (or your lover's phone) ever goes missing, you'll want as little damning evidence on there as possible. If you send naked photos with both your face and nipples in plain view, you could very well end up in a a Google search, a gross meme, terribly embarrassed, or all of the above. Same goes for identifying jewelry or tattoos. Proceed with caution.
PRO TIP #2: Send Your Face Or Your Body, Not Both.
Go ahead and send a sexy pout with a suggestive bare shoulder, but if you're sending your bare butt or boobs leave any identifying parts of your face out. Besides, it's a lot of work to get a photo where your face AND butt look good (at least it is for me). And remember: a little mystery is sexy. Shadows on a collarbone can be infinitely more seductive than a straight-on tit shot. (Plus, if you can't be easily identified in your nude selfies, you have that much less to worry about after a messy breakup.)
PRO TIP #3: Do Not Send a Crotch Shot Unless Specifically Requested
Let's be honest, vaginas aren't exactly the prettiest thing in the world. Even if your face is as gorgeous as Megan Fox's, if your other "lips" are showing they're all the viewer is going to be able to focus on. (Same goes for your penis, fellas. Why must you insist on sending us junk shots? We'd much rather see a flexed bicep or that little dip at your hipbone.) Also, it's really strange when you leave your underwear bunched up around your knees. (Is that a fetish I'm unaware of?) It just looks lazy and weird.
PRO TIP #4: Double-Check Your Background.
If a racy selfie of my daughter taken in a filthy bedroom hit the Internet, I'd be more furious about her negligent attention to detail than the photo itself. I don't care how hot you are - if you're a slob, it's gross. Is there trash on the floor behind you? A pile of dirty laundry in the background? White spots on the mirror? Pay attention to what's in your photo, because while YOU may be focused on your fierce face and excellent rack, WE can see the toilet, toddler, or trashcan in the background - and trust us, it ain't pretty.
PRO TIP #5: Good Lighting Is Key.
If you're somewhere with excellent lighting, TAKE ADVANTAGE. Capture a few shots to send later on rather than using crappy fluorescent lighting at 10 p.m. when you're in the mood to send your lover a little something, something. Is it cheating? Perhaps, but unless your beloved asked you what you're wearing rightthissecond, a hot shot where you're glowing in the morning sun will keep your mate happy until they can see you again.
Lighting hints: Some of the best places to find good lighting are in hotel rooms during the day. White walls + white sheets = you will practically glow. Standing in front of a window is always better than standing in front of a lamp, although bright, direct sunlight can be a bit harsh. Try turning your phone's camera on yourself and walk around in front of different windows until you find a spot where you are evenly lit and your eyes sparkle.
PRO TIP #6: Suck It In, Hold It Up (But Don't Make It Obvious)
Every girl knows the elbows under the boobs trick to make her cleavage pop. Most of us also know the right angles to make us look curvy where it matters and a little smaller where it doesn't. Here's the catch: no one should be able to tell that you're pushing stuff in or holding stuff up, it ruins the illusion. Even if you're terribly uncomfortable, no one will ever know you almost popped your hip out of joint to get the perfect curve as long as the photo looks good.
PRO TIP #7: Duckface Is Out, Gasping Is In
Newsflash: The entire world is over duckface. No one can see that pose anymore without rolling their eyes. So what do you do with your mouth, then? Right before snapping your photo, quickly gasp the way you would during some good, old-fashioned lovemaking. Part your lips ever so slightly and as you inhale, heave those bosoms and think about how damn sexy you are. Works like a charm.