How to change your destiny.
By Ellen Whitehurst and Estee Kahn and Abby Rodman and Jasbina Ahluwalia and Maya Ezratti Rewarding Relationships and Melanie Gorman — Written on Jul 14, 2017
Why don't my relationships ever work out? Why can't I meet anyone new? Is it possible to attract a soulmate? Why do I keep dating the same men over and over?
Why am I so unlucky in love?
Have you ever asked yourself those questions?
You're not alone.
Women everywhere have been asking themselves these questions and it's time we figured out what's going wrong, so we can change our luck.
To get some answers, Senior VP of YourTango Experts, Melanie Gorman, asked a group of our relationship Experts — including Abby Rodman, Maya Ezratti, Ellen Whitehurst, and Jasbina Alhuwalia — whether it's true that some women are just unlucky when it comes to love and dating.
They all agreed that yes, there is a degree of luck when it comes to finding your soulmate, but most of it has to do with you.
In Judaism, there is a concept that man has to do all he can, and only then will G-d take care of the rest.
Whether you believe in G-d, fate, destiny or coincidence, the concept is the same for your dating life: you have to put in the effort if you want to find love.
That means:
1. Stop leaving it to chance.
We've seen all the romance movies and heard the most epic love stories, and we want that for ourselves.
Yes, some people are meant to meet their soulmate by sitting next to them on a long plane ride and having an instant connection. But think of all the love stories where they run into each other volunteering or they met a singles event or they met at a friend's party. Those may not have that "meet cute" element that you see in Romantic Comedies, but their love is just as deep.
Stop turning down invitations to events, don't go back to the same bar every night, and go try something new.
There are plenty of cool places to meet people and if you never give them a try, you'll never know who you might be passing up.
2. Freshen up your look.
That doesn't mean you have to change it drastically. But get a makeover, try some new clothes.
It's sad, but all men have a type they're attracted to and if you keep attracting lousy men, it might be time to try something new.
But be sure to stay true to yourself. Don't suddenly dress in jeans and a T-shirt if you're really a blazer and skirt kind of woman.
3. Make sure you feel comfortable.
Men can tell if you're feeling awkward without having to talk to you. If dating and going out doesn't come naturally to you, practice.
Take a couple of nights where you dress yourself up and go to a restaurant by yourself.
The goal is to feel comfortable in who you are, how you look and how you act. You might get a little nervous when you actually go out with a guy. That's OK.
But if you are confident in yourself and your abilities, men will be that much more attracted to you.
If you've tried all of these — genuinely tried and have given it your best effort — it's time to look inside.
It could be a lack of self-esteem that's getting in the way or perhaps you have stress that's ruining all of your relationships.
Maybe you have some trauma in your past you need to work through or maybe you feel like you're not worthy of love.
Whatever it is, it's time to find someone — a professional — to talk to.
Once you feel your best, you'll be able to put your best foot forward and, you'll find, your luck will turn around before you know it.
If you feel you're unlucky in love, need help meeting singles, or working on yourself, please visit the websites of Abby, Maya, Ellen, and Jasbina directly. They’re here to help.