Love lessons from "Always Hit On The Wingman," the new must-read from Glamour magazine's "Jake."
Every month, I always enjoy reading Jake's column in Glamour magazine. Since 1956, it's been penned by a slew of anonymous, single men who've helped countless women navigate the dating world by writing honestly and openly about the game of love from a man's perspective.
One of the more recent Jakes has written a book, Always Hit On The Wingman: And 9 Other Secret Rules For Getting The Love Life You Want. He compiled 10 of the most important dating lessons he and the other Jakes before him relayed to women that still hold true.
Usually, when I read these types of books, I think the advice would only work in a perfect world. But, when reading Jake's book, I found myself dog-earring almost every other page as a reminder to remember the points he was making. It's become one of those books that I want to send a copy to all of my girlfriends — single, in a relationship, engaged and married — because they could all learn a thing or two from the Jakes' collective wisdom. Top 5 Attributes of a Great Wingman
Here are the 6 lessons I learned from Always Hit On The Wingman that truly made it a worthwhile read:
1. Men shouldn't be responsible for your happiness. My friends and I have all been guilty of saying, "If I just had a boyfriend, I'd be so happy." The problem with this statement is that we actually believe it, and yet we should know better, that only we can make ourselves truly happy. We can't put that huge responsibility on someone else, and what guy would want that burden right off the bat?
As Jake put it when he ran into his ex (who is now his wife) after they broke up: "I soon realized she wasn't the same person I'd broken up with. 'I thought you were responsible for making me happy,' she told me, 'and responsible for when I wasn't. That wasn't fair.' I'd never seen her so strong, and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be with her, to love her, and to make her happy."
Bottom line: Find a way to make yourself happy without a man, and the right guy won't be able to resist how attractive you are — he'll know he'll be a complement to your life, rather than your whole life. 10 Ways For Single Women To TREAT YO SELF Every Day Of The Year
2. Men do not think about our bodies the way we do. I've never met a woman who hasn't had one major complaint about her body, face, hair, broad shoulders, small pinkie toe... We all judges ourselves too harshly, and oftentimes, it's a habit we just can't shake. But, it's something that guys can't stand!
Jake writes: "Please don't make us feel bad for liking your body... it's offensive when you essentially tell us not to be attracted to you." That's a perspective I've never considered before, and he's right. Who am I to diss the same body that he can't keep his hands off of? If he doesn't see the flaws, it's actually pretty stupid of me to blatantly point them out.
All of the Jakes have agreed that men would "much rather caress you than assess you." I think we will all feel much better if we keep this in mind the next time we get dressed up for date night or get totally naked in front of a guy. Do All Women Have Body Image Issues?
3. Stop trying to be one of the guys. I went on a date once with a guy I'd met online, who asked me if I liked football. I told him I watch the big games now and then, but I usually fill my Sundays with activities I enjoy way more, like shopping. He sighed with relief, explaining that he was tired of meeting girls or reading in their dating profiles that they were obsessed with football. "They're obviously just saying it because they think that's what guys like," he explained. "It's so fake." Of course, there are some girls who genuinely enjoy football — but the point is, don't fake it if you really don't.
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