Dr. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, answers a question from Ask YourTango, where readers seek out advice on love and relationships. In this segment, Dr. John Gray helps a woman determine if her relationship is a sex-only thing by identifying the 4 types of attraction.
Hi I’m Dr. John Gray with AskYourTango answering your love and relationship questions.
How will I know if it’s a sex only thing? I messed up and had sex with a guy on the first date and thought I would never see him again. He will call and text me that he wants to see me. I really like him and think he’s a great guy, but how will I know if it’s a sex-only thing?
Just as you don’t know if the relationship is sex-only or it’s a growing relationship, he doesn’t know either. Men clearly, the first thing they experience when it comes to attraction towards a woman, is sexual attraction. He doesn’t know whether he wants more or not. Just being aroused opens a man’s heart. But what allows him to know if he wants a on-going relationship is taking time to get to know the person and if he continues to feel aroused and turned on to you, after he gets to know you, that means now the attraction is in his heart. And as he continues to know you, if he continues to feel attracted to you and affectionate towards you, then he knows the attraction is in his mind. He finds you interesting, and he respects you, he likes to spend time with you, as well as he feels affection towards you, as well as he seeks sexual attraction with you.
The fourth kind of attraction is Soul Attraction. That just takes time. Often people ask me, how do I know if it’s my soul-mate? Somebody I want to share my life with? Well clearly you don’t know right away. You may think you know right away but it takes time for that to happen. Many many months of interacting, one morning you wake up and you go, “yes, this is the one for me”.
Got a question you want answered? Go to yourtango.com/questions.