Women and men are wildly different. Ladies are soft, smell nice and are purty. Most dudes are lumpy/coarse, smell like motor oil and bear meat and are generally utilitarian in terms of looks. Because of your sensuality, delicateness and otherworldliness, there are a handful of sexy things you can totally get away with doing. But it is spectacularly weird and decidedly unsexy when we try the same moves.
1. Sniffing worn clothes. Evidently, the musk we gin up during the course of a day is a turn-on for ladies. You may smell our shirts or pillowcases for a shot of sexy nostalgia, but the first time we're caught sniffing a pair of panties we're perverts. It's weird that women smell better and have a better sense of smell: the Big Guy likes irony, or whatever literary device that is.
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2. Breathy talking. That thing y'all do where you breathe heavily while talking sexy is nice, real nice, particularly when you do it right in the old ear hole. Two words: bone zone. When we do it, we sound like the type of person who should be served with a restraining order. Read: Dirty Talk Saved My Relationship
3. Sexy gestures (in public). Sometimes, you ladies like to get our blood flowing southbound while in a social setting. Some examples: licked lips; the crossing and uncrossing of legs; an under-the-table foot-in-the-crotch; and that bombshell where your skirt made the trip, but your underdrawers missed the flight. These are all enough to make us beg for mercy: boi-oi-oi-oing. A guy making various mouth gestures and talking about his commando status is just lewd. Read: How To Have Sex In Public
4. Over-grooming. A lady getting cleaned up, being covered in lotion (or body glitter if it's Mardi Gras 1999) and going hair-free is very much a turn-on. Awooga! A dude getting waxed bare and bathed in jasmine rosewater is just bizarre.
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5. Wearing each other's clothes. Lounging around in our button-down oxford and a pair of our boxers is a great way to turn breakfast into morning sex, at least in our minds. When we toss on your camisole and Victoria's Secret g-string, however, you either laugh or vomit...sometimes both. Dudes also shouldn't lounge around nude, or try the no clothes under a trench coat move (that's a good way to get picked up for mopery). Read: Survey: Sexy Lingerie Ditched In As Little As 4 Weeks After First Date
What other sexy lady things should guys avoid?