The Only Way To Know A Relationship Is Over
Sometimes it isn't so easy to tell when something is over.
You and your sweetie just don't seem to connect as much, or as often as you used to. You fight more (or bicker about insignificant topics), you find yourself spending more time by yourself. How do you know if it is just a bad patch or if the relationship is over?
As someone who is always waiting for the proverbial break-up truck to run me over, I can say with absolute certainty that the only way you know that a relationship is over is when you feel it. You are depressed more than you are happy. You find yourself longing for good times. You try to bring back that magic spark but you just end up in a spat. You feel incomplete and it is only made worse when they are near. You feel that hope is gone—that the potential of the relationship has been used up, like a single-serving bag of chips. It was good, but it wasn't enough and all that is left is empty.
So what do you do? Do you continue to pick at the crumbs of your relationship? Do you live in denial that things will return to their full glory? Do you wait for the death rattle that signifies that it is truly over? Relationship In Limbo? Use The Breakup Formula
I suppose there is always a time in a relationship where you have enough foresight to recognize that the end is near. You could even ask yourself if you would rather hurt now or hurt later. You could end it and move forward without the inevitable blame and shame game.
But what if you can't get over the fact that the relationship had the potential to go the distance if only you were willing to not progress? If you didn't want to build a life with that person, or get married or have children—if you were willing to give those things up, you could be happy in your relationship, right? You may say these things, but you know you wouldn't be happy with half a relationship or with an empty bag of chips.
So do you end it and not look back? Do you brace yourself and rip off that bandage? Do you look for a soft place to land before the deed is done? What is the best way to extricate yourself from a dead relationship? How To Break Up With A Man: Don't Be Ambiguous
I guess it depends upon how unbearable it is. If it breaks your heart every time the two of you are together, I personally feel that kills a little bit of your soul. Do you find a replacement before you break up (kind of like grabbing onto another vine when you are still swinging on one,) and in doing so, run the risk of being found out and called a cheater?
You could wait for that death knell. You could mourn the relationship before it is actually over so that it isn't as difficult to recover from once it really is over. But does that really work? I don't believe there is one way to break up. Some people pick fights, some people cheat, some people become so obsessive and weird that it hastens the break up.
Humans don't want to be rejected. So it is a matter of reject before being rejected, hurt now before you hurt later. Or you could just wait until it is really over, but it takes a strong stomach to watch something die. How strong is your stomach?
Discussion
The issue with the whole idea that if you're not happy, it's time to break up is the people who are bipolar or depressed.
Being in a relationship doesn't make depression better, and it can be a perfectly wonderful relationship and you can still be depressed.
Relationships are more than feelings.
Relationships are also about commitments.
You would assume that one is out of our control and the other is. However, BOTH are totally in our control. We control our commitments with our words, vows, and actions. We can also control our feelings by deciding to think a certain way.
For example, it is physically impossible to be TRULY angry while laughing. Our brains are the most advanced computer in existence, but are easily fooled. If you think about the most beautiful day of your life or a laughing baby, your body "feels" better. It is more difficult to "feel" good if someone is angry with you, but even that is controllable with our thoughts.
We can pity the person who is angry, try to understand their viewpoint, or simply ignore them. When we engage in a heated discussion, it is our choice to spiral up the anger.
So it is with our feelings. We can look for the good things in our relationship or focus on what we don't like.
When we break up with someone we can feel bad for a while (It's natural) but to languish in that place isn't going to help for very long. Simply thinking positive isn't enough. We need to get out, do things, celebrate life, see positive friends, go to a museum and actively seek out happy, positive thoughts, people and activities.
No matter how you look at it ... it hurts when a relationship ends. The only way we can through the ache of being the "dumpie" - or the "dumper", is to focus hard on the lesson. There is always a lesson that is being handed to us on a silver platter - whether we like it or not. This gives us an opportunity for growth and more awareness for the future. Hopefully, this will give us the strength to carry on, make a better relationship with yourself and then in turn, with others.
