7 Traits Of Irresistible Men
It takes more than rock-solid abs to reach the top of the sexiness charts.
We're not going to lie. A man boasting abs chiseled to perfection and biceps that pop just enough when flexed (without shredding shirts He-Man style) will no-doubt turn our heads. And even if caught mid check-him-out glance, we're not about to look away. Fit, toned bodies are the result of hard work and dedication to a healthy lifestyle. We certainly pay homage to that. But for a man to achieve a skyrocketing score on the sexiness scale there's got to be more to him than physical assets. Throw in these seven traits and he's guaranteed irresistible. Read: How To Choose A Husband
1. He Has Mastered The Wink. We don't know how they learn the technique but some guys really have the Richard Gere wink down pat. There's an art to this wink and getting it right can be tricky. It's more suave and smoky than cheeky and laughable. He's comfortable giving this signal and has the timing to the tee. Done right, this move is pure sexy. Caveat: The wink can be tricky to pull off. Practice first.
2. He Radiates Calm. It's sending shivers up our spine just thinking about how powerful a man's calm presence can be. Neurotic or hyper or frenzied is stressful, no matter how busy the man or what his excuse. But if he's got cool written all over his face and his gaze is pure steady and peaceful his sex appeal will shoot through the roof (think old-school James Dean). We women can unwillingly fall into the trap of over-worrying about things we can't control. A man who sets us at ease by reminding us how things always manage to work out in the end is absolutely hot. Read: 3 Secrets To Exuding Sexy
3. He Takes Care Of Himself. Look, we're not saying it's a certain height or build that matters. If he keeps his body in relatively good shape this shows us he knows how to take care of himself. It also clues us in that he sets health as a priority. What's more, if he's active, working out even a few times a week, the endorphins his body is producing during gym sessions are sure to keep him in good spirits and energized. The bottom line: If he takes good care of himself he's likely to take good care of his partner (or at least help keep her motivated to do so). That's a turn-on.
Discussion
Well now lemme see here. There's alot going on here. With the article and the responses. Here's the thing ladies and gentlemen: these are both right and wrong. Right for one wrong for another. These traits have all worked for me. I am not a model, I am snot "Smarmy", nor a chauvinist. I am an average guy. A man pure and simple. I like women, beautiful inside and out.
And I've had a roller coaster ride in relationships. We are all individuals and like different things. Let's go thru the list, shall we?
1. The wink. It works. Yes on a gigolo looking MF, It's creepy. Or in a biker bar or a bowling alley. But I wink and it always elicits a nice smile. I'm not being lewd or anything. It's just an acknowledgment in their direction. Whether it's "yes, I see you too." Or a hi from across a crowded noisy room. It's all in the intent. Hint: A quick wink and soft smile is all you're after. Don't use your whole face for chrissakes!! Avoid wiggling your eyebrows unless your using it as a joke.
2. Calm works. It says confidence and strength. But there's nothing wrong with being a bit over the top at times. Just don't be annoying.If you're not calm, learn. Don't get ruffled. Nothing turns women off like panic. Except possibly crotch cheese.So unless she's a dom and you're a sub, grow a set and stay cool.
3. Taking Care of Yourself. This is just a given. No one likes a sickly person around them. But this is not a limit. My brother is overweight and balding. But his girl is cute as a button. He's funny and kind and smart. His personality is everything. The guy just shines. But he eats healthy and is healthy. Taking care of yourself is great but if YOU are are attractive it has nothing to do with your body. Ripped abs may help but if you're empty inside it won't help in the long run.
4. Style. You don't have to wear Armani. You just have to look good. T-shirt, jeans and a decent haircut works for some. Suit and tie for others. Just don't be a slob. You've seen the people at walmart, Don't do that. Unless you live in a trailer park get some decent clothes if you're gonna go out in public. And for god's sake wear something that fits! Guys, pull up your pants, Wear the correct size shirt. (XXXL does not look good on your wire hanger frame. Yeah, you, ghetto wanna-be white boy. You look like an ass holding your pants up when walking to school. Nobody wants to see your underwear.) This goes for women too. Please, if you have any love for your fellow man, Dress your size. If you weigh 200 pounds, Put the spaghetti strap tank top away. Do not wear hip hugger jeans. No one wants to see that. NO ONE!!! I'm not terribly over weight but I don't wear tight shirts so people can see my stomach. It's rude. I don't care how big your chest is. Untrussed, they look at your knees. Ugh. Dress your size and age please. You'll get alot more respect and less disgusted stares. You don't have to be Brad Pitt or Kim Kardashian to strut. Just look good.
5. Manly scent. This helps you get noticed but is not necessary. Light scent is ok but it's more for when you are already taken. Most girls like a nice smell to a guy but no one likes a bad smell. No smell is better than bad. Colognes are good, aftershave good. BO bad. Although my wife says she loves the way I smell after a day of heavy labor. There's a differnce between a good healthy sweat and an two week old unwashed body. Got it?
6. Affection. Just remember to much of a good thing turns annoying. My wife can be very sweet. But her favorite revenge on a mean customer is to be sickeningly sweet. It's infuriating! But yes affection is good. Touch each other. Never stop holding hands. No matter how long you've been together!! Do stop making out in public. A kiss is nice. A hug and a snuggle is cute and will make most people around you smile. Dry humping in the checkout line make people nauseous. But be affectionate, she will love the attention. Show her you care. Just don't be psycho about it.
7. Laugh. Probably the most Important thing. Have fun! What else are you here for? Depressing is not sexy!! One of my best friends growing up was a really nice guy. But depressing on a scale impossible to gauge. I stopped being friends with him for simply that reason. Sounds harsh, I know, But having a constant downer around was disrupting MY life! Nothing ever works out, my life sucks, can't get a girlfriend or when i do i turn into a manic depressive control freak. No friggin' wonder Your life sucks. You've done nothing to change it. If it sucks, do something about it. Get a better job, get medication, GET HAPPY!!! Women love to laugh!! Make them laugh. (Dragon Ball Z jokes are NOT funny. Ever.)
O.k. we've covered those and many people have listed their own. So here are mine.
8. Compassion. Empathize with people. Understand the human condition. Try to help where you can and do no harm.
9. Passion. Develop a love of LIFE!! Do what you love!!
10. Intelligence. Learn for god's sake. Fill you head with knowledge. From books, people, nature, everything around you! The world is beautiful. Don't miss out. Just because there's not a movie on that you wanna watch is no excuse to not use your brain. Even better if there is, find an excuse to find out what SHE likes to do and try it. You might love rock climbing. Who knows.
11. Common sense. If you don't know what I'm saying here, You have none.
12. Be the man she needs. If you can't, let her go. Don't be selfish and try to keep her. If she's miserable, you're gonna be miserable. Let her find the person she needs, you do the same.
13. Be aware. If she/he acts like a gold digger or something horrible, she/he probably is. Looks have nothing to do with the inside. A frosted piece of crap is still crap. Case in point: Paris Hilton.
well the article goes about revealing the simple mystery of "attraction" aka "irresistibility" or watever u call it...it has nothing to do with love,,it rather tells me what kind of men, women would like to sleep with!!
well attraction could be a step to love ,,,but hey wake up..its not the necessity though! ..
But the facts given there cudnt be completely ruled out calmness(cool look on the face is definately killing),affection,humor,style,body,(excpt the wink part) all speaks of man who takes control of his life and has some clear concrete concepts.. and yeah.. is also certainly aware what WE WANT!!...This is what women search in her dream man...
No offense to guys,this is how we are genetically wired,,men are sort of investment of our security.. we tend to turn heads towards such men and oggle at them just like u guys do at hot chicks,,but that doesnt mean we can live with them for ever.....still y not giving it a try what if he is mr right afterall.
now temme how many gals out there would settle a Mr over the edge for mr simple know nothing puzzled men!!
1. Winking makes me think of chest hair and gold chains.
2. Calm is good, but it's not "irresistible"
3. Sure, a man in good shape is great, but again, not "irresistible."
4. Style is a personal thing that varies from person to person, and what looks good on one person isn't going to look good on everyone. Some guys are totally sexy in khaki's and a polo shirt, while it makes others look horrid. As long as he dresses decent and appropriately, I don't see an issue, but what someone wears (to me) again...doesn't make him "irresistible"
5. Scent - I agree that a scent can drive me totally nuts, but I like a light, undetectable cologne, and can't stand anyone showered in fragrance.
6. Affection. Ugh. Yes, I like a man who is affectionate and shows it through gestures and what not, but an overly affectionate and attentive man drives me crazy. I hate being called "baby" or "pookie" or any of that crap! And I am independent, I don't need someone constantly reassuring me.
7. A good sense of humor is the only thing on the list that is irresistable to me, because I am a major joker and having the personality of a peanut is a total turn off.
From an African perspective, only 3 traits validates an irresistible man:
1. Think family
2. Know where you are going
3. Be yourself
Any other trait is secondary. Funny enough the secondary traits get you noticed while the 3 traits above keep things where you need them to be with any woman that notices you.
Building your strengths on the secondary traits lands you in serial breakups...lol
this is such BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after looking at jus a few of these comments i felt compelled to join this thing jus to post this reply! at 31 i'm by no means an old pro but i'm also not some newbie. in my late teens into early 20's i went through many phases of what i thought women wanted or liked and even to this day i have come to 1 conclusion as to the type of guy a woman wants......he needs to have rock hard abs(naturally never been to a gym) nicely built(again naturally) there are 2 different faces women seem to want 1 is very chiseled while the other is a softer more distingushed look(like that of richard greer) he needs to be rich first off so he can accomplish the rest of these things...he better be able to fix her car(that's if he don't buy her a brand new 1 of her choice) take care of everything around the house inside and out! take out the trash, be a hell of a good cook, clean the house, do the laundry, take care of the kids(if kids are involved) have dinner on the table with candles lit when she gets home from shopping(again he needs to be rich cause he would give her the cash or credit cards) be overly sensitive to her every whim and basically p**sy whipped around her and her friends but a tough guy in public to protect her, and in the evening have a bubble bath drawn with candles lit waiting for her(never expecting to join her cause that's unacceptable), massage her feet while she is taking her bath followed by a full body massage when she is done, NEVER ask her for sex but give it to her whenever she wants it.
The reality...they will settle for whomever they think they can turn into this god of a man that doesn't exsist and just deal with the things they can't change and more so just deal with him and imagie this god of a man.
The women that they ask these questions of are nothing more than wanna be high class gold diggers with their heads so far up their own a*ses that they can't even smell their own sh*t anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So to all these women i say this.......GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR A*SES AND COME BACK TO REALITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gotta side with the ladies here, Dorkfish. I'm the same age as you are, been around the block quite a few times, and have never had any trouble getting a class A lady who doesn't expect all the crap you think women do.
Sure, all those things are great in moderation, and don't act like you wouldn't hook up with a rich woman who looked like your choice of model in a heart beat...we all like to dream of a perfect package but that isn't reality.
The last woman I dated who was like what you describe was really young and had a very pampered and messed up childhood that definitely taught her to value all the stuff you've mentioned and nothing of any real substance. She is the type of young 'un today who feels that they are entitled to everything and never have to work at nothing.
She is also nowhere near the type of women I usually find or date, woman who are real, whose expectations are only that you put out as much effort in to the relationship as they do.
Before you go blasting an entire sex because you haven't taken a good look at whatever messed up criteria you are using to pick out the women that you are dating, take a second to look back and see if you have some patterns forming, some unresolved issues, or anything else that keeps you going after women like what you've described.
Otherwise, I'd say grow a pair, stop trying to be anything but yourself, and try to look above the cleavage line when you're picking your next lover.
well dorkfish - you are clearly doing something wrong
because the majority of girls have realistic expectations about men and expect to work hard to make a long-term relationship work.
i would hazard a guess that your above opinion of women in general is probably what is getting you continually rejected, you obtuse dumbass you.
Funny... I agree article was mostly BS but point number 2 is on the money
this is only right if you want to sleep with a stranger.
reality
a wink children wink.
laughing that tells you nothing about some one unless they only laugh at horable things(like me).
style? the only man that has style is gay.
radiats calm, more like isn't a gay.
affectionate,well guys would like girls that smell like steak and bring beer. really stupid little arm touches and crap. I have nothing against hugs and kisses but come on.
and big surprise fitness is attractive, I thought girls wheren't superficial.
scary as it is this article describes me.
heres how its going to go for you and most likely me. though I have zero problem being alone my hole life if I cant have my soul mate.
you will settle for the safe guy who will look after you and your kids,he will lack affection because he's trying to pay bills.
he will have no style at all, and will wear a house wrobe all the time at home.
he will constantly be nervous or worried because he has to pay bills.
how do I know these things because girls have informed me of my attractiveness dont know why and I told them straight off I would sleep with them, I've been offered sex an hour after meeting a girl. so far the female race has not impressed me by being better then males their just as bad I've been affard sex by men out side gas stations wierded me out.
he will never wink unless theirs something in his eye.
laugh he'll laugh but it will be empty and caused by dispair.
fitness he'll never be as fit as the day you met him.
That is true-A wink across the room from a guy whose demeanor is cool and calm is definately one of the wonderful silent communicators and issistable. While you don't have to be immature nor a "daddy'd girl"- I think the wink may have to do somewhat of when as a girl your father may would give you a wink. It was a sign of love and affection and approval and recognition. As an adult coming from a man it is just hard wired into many women to respond favorably. True- not every man has the finesse to pull it off effortlessly without practice without looking creepy or foolish.
Ahhhhhh!! I have so much work to do.... LOL
The good news is that now I have a bunch of
good advice. I'm looking forward to putting that
advice to work. Some people say that experience
is the best teacher, but I say it's the second best
teacher; other people's experience is the best.
I'll get back to you on how I fare.
This article gives too much power to woman. f**k you if you don't like my clothes or if I don't act right in all situations, get a grip on reality for God sakes. Life is short, and no ones perfect.
I definitely agree with this article. A man that's clean cut, takes pride in his health by working out, wears fresh clean clothes (knows how to dress for different occassions), and wears a nice smelling cologne turns me on. Women are visual as well. We want a guy who doesn't look like he just woke up out of the bed and threw on clothes from the hamper. Also, just because a cologne smells good to a guy doesn't mean it's a turn on for a woman, so fellas take heed to your woman suggesting a certain cologne that's her favorite. You won't be sorry!
Yesssss msproducer - i agree with you.. that fragrance wafting up to your nostrils as you breathe in the man's presence... ooooooh my, definately a turn on for me too. A fresh clean guy, one who is calm, exudes confidence. A relaxed guy who can make conversation about anything, who really listens to you and responds to you appropriately. These are the leader of the pack guys for us.. mmm mmm mmm
This list seems so superficial. I really thought it was going to be a list of character traits that make a man irresistible. I could care LESS if a man knows how to wink; in fact, I think my skin would crawl if my boyfriend winked at me.
To me, the things that make him irresistible are:
1) He's comfortable with himself
2) He's emotionally fluent i.e. he can discuss feelings without barfing
3) He's understanding
4) He's encouraging and doesn't put people down
5) I agree a sense of humor is wonderful
6) He has a conscience/sense of morality
I'm sure there are other things but those are the things about the man I'm involved with that rock my world. He has a little belly on him, hasn't been to the gym in years, doesn't ever wink at me, but I love him like crazy because he's a good man and that's all that matters.
phillygirl - yes we started off with the surface of the guy but for him to stay in our lives he has to have the qualities you mentioned. The morals, sense of humor, ability to communicate on an emotional level with us. Yes we want all that. I do want the guy to take a shower every day and wear clean clothing no matter what kind of clothing that is, it is not the looks and style that matters as much as that, then his connection with you through conversation, his personality, etc. Listening to the guy reveals his maturity level too.... Nice to see all these smart women here, who know what's important.. bravo ladies..
Obviously this is all relative. This article by Ms. Andrews is a contradiction within itself. The subtitle "more than rock solid abs..." is put back in at #3. Takes care of himself is way more than going to the gym and I openly reject #3 statement "..If he keeps his body in relatively good shape this shows us he knows how to take care of himself. It also clues us in that he sets health as a priority.." Not sure how you can correlate taking care of his body and health is a priority. Health is my priority because I am a Type 2 diabetic and is undercontrol by eating correctly and taking my medication. I would say I am about 15 lbs overweight at 195 lbs at 5"11. Just because I have a spare tire, does not mean that health is not a a "priority". Whether I like it or not our American society is a shallow and narcissistic. Unfortuneately, I continue to find the ladies are shallow and narcissistic. Education, career oriented, and a great personality with dimples doesn't cut it any more.
As for the 7 traits:
#1) I did not know that a wink could offend someone.
#2) My blood pressure is 112/68
#3) Taking care of ones self is more than just the body, but also the mind and soul! Where is the balance?
#4) Who's style? A&F?? A guy should be flexible and meet the occasion accordingly. Look nice and presentable!
#5) Scent---mine is Herrera for Men, but of course us guys an kill that by "pulling the sheets over your head! LOL
#6) Affection is part of the passion!
#7) I crack myself up.
LOL!! Cracking yourself up is a great trait. I'm with you on all of the above!
And that is why I am spend every red cent of my ssi check just about on voodoo spells to get them AWAY from the skank that treats them like sh*t. He did the stupid thing and married his boss' daughter.
~ He radiates calm.
~ He is affectionate.
~ He is also got style.
~ He takes care of himself very well and also that of me.
~ He likes a good laugh and I like giving him one ;) apart from great sex!
That's why he all so adorable and I am in love him even more.
I'd have to agree on your list. I've got the same thing going with a guy who likely hasn't worked out since he was in the Air Force. however, he does take care of himself and he makes me laugh.
Yes I found the article very interesting and true.
And yes a wink definitely puts a smile on my face...in fact I'm smiling just thinking about it.
I can relate to all that article said, and I agree, but they left off an important trait that helps make a man irresistible....CONFIDENCE, in anything he does and in who he is...!! One other thing, guys, don't forgot to "dote" on your girl every now again - listen - discover her little likes and surprise her at times - bring her flowers (grocery stores carry great flowers and they are not expensive!), bring her favorite ice cream over, leave little notes on her car (put on windshield using the wiper to hold it down...), open doors for her, kiss her "just because"..... it's the little things that can go a long way!!!
karenmarie63 - yea girl! I agree about all those little things. We love little surprises from our guys. I think when we do that for each other it helps keep the spark alive because it is unexpected. Making time for dates with each other after having been together for a while is something else i like. You have to have time alone with your partner to not let the routine of life take over. You never want to lose the magic.
A wonderful thing:
Someone who knows who they are, and can exist separately from you... they won't look to their woman to find their identity. They have enough confidence to not act like a puppy dog; they can hold their own, and let you know that you're approved as well as you approving them.
Great postings!
Maybe I can add a couple things
1. Watch him walk and how he carries himself. The confidence and calm show no matter if he's wearing a t-shirt and jeans or a suit and tie.
2. My man has a very deep voice-like soft black velvet and when he sings-Wow!
3. If a woman is mad at you, hop in the car, turn on the radio to your favorite songs, start singing- soon, she'll be singing with you and forget she's mad.
Most of these are right on! I love the one about calm guys. The one about laughing is so true. There is nothing sexier than a full-out laugh. I love that. One that was missed maybe is being a good kisser. That should be #1!
This is the most amazing stuff, the article itself was good, but guys.......you want to know what a woman finds irresistable or what a woman wants from a relationship, read these responses, sift through what you can/can't will/won't do with a woman.
I did not count but I would have to say there at least 20 or more great responses, sure, the article brought 7 items to the table, but there are a few more that are in the responses, and these are real woman, not part of a study that are saying these things, take a listen guys, and ladies, the same things go for you as well, when theres guy articles as such, these are real guys in the comment boards, not some study, for me I learned some things from the article, but Yournightlotus and Sarah as well as the others gave some great insight, read about it guys, learn, and do.
See Joboo you are the kind of guy we're talking about. You're listening. Great communication with our guy really makes us happy. It is the best way to get to know each other and learn about each other. Thanks for expressing your appreciation for our answers. I also like the way the women branched off into different topics of what they want their man to be. Tall, dark,handsome, exotic and he values a committed relationship and family is what i treasure in my man along with his list of many other wonderful qualities that make me love him more every day.
that makes since because the last guy i dated was a jerk and it took a while for me to break up with him. but i did it and i'm happy and single.
I KEEP HEARING CONFIDENCE FROM WOMAN! BUT WITHOUT EXPLANATION! PHYSICAL CONFIDENCE? How do you determine this?
Hi TheTruthGetsSpoken - No dear not physical confidence. Mental confidence. That calm, secure feeling that he can just talk to you about anything and we can have a great conversation. His knowing how far a smile and interest in us goes. Having a sense of humor about most things in life helps a lot. Of course we want his serious side too and we will get around to talking about that too. Initially we want to have fun with each other though. Physical confidence - hmmmm... yes that is another kind of confidence, being comfortable in your body and happy with it no matter what your size or shape. If you are comfortable and happy with yourself, your personality will be at the forefront of your attractiveness, making the outside of you as attractive as the inside.
As for this article i deff. think the laughing part is right. I love a guy that loves to laugh. Im always trying to be funny. (that's right i said trying) Its hard when you cant laugh and joke with the person your with...also the smell thing...it might sound odd but some men can come see you after work and say "hey sorry im dirty and i smell bad" and the girl says no prob. but in her mind she's thinking OMG! He is soo sexxy when he's dirty and sweaty. Sometimes a mans 'natural' scent is more appealing than even the most exspensive of colognes. ESPECIALY if it smells like the guy took a bath in the stuff! Hey man a dab will do it!
M Joseph Miller II
Well I cant speak for women so i wont try...but I will speak of what I have witnessed and been a part of.
While I was a youngster in Highschool...I had my share of girls (not all at once) although i may have wanted it this way..wink wink. I did not get the type of girls most guys go after, the hot ones. (Everyone definition of hot is not the same, but generally similar) I was the President of FBLA and on the Senate etc...you remember that guy, not quite a nerd, but definately not a Jock. As a black teenager, my Beemer didnt have the low profile tires or the earthquake effect of stereo equipment the girls seemed to like so therefore i went mostly unoticed.
Women generally like the same thing....security, excitement etc. Of course the straight and narrow guy usually is capable of providing security, he's usually too quiet to even be noticed..and even though when younger our hearing is better, we have to be louder to get noticed. You've heard the saying, the Squeeky wheel gets the oil. Thats right, the bad boy makes noise and gets noticed, marketing is just that....all publicity is good publicity.
Everyone wants what another has, or at least wants to find out what its all about...so when the bad guy gets dumped or caught...the next girl lines up to see if he was really that good, bad or whatever.
It wasnt until I threw caution to the wind during college that my life took a turn onto the bad-boy expressway and my sex life entered the fast-lane! Of course I dont think I'm a bad boy...I am in good shape, I do fairly well financially and only after some bit of publicity did I find out that the girls in Highschool knew me....too late for them though.
In a nutshell, for all the computer programmers out there, take a lesson from the computer hackers, to all the tax attorneys, hang out with a few criminal defense attorneys....and to the guys that cant dance or are a bit over weight....get to a Couture shop and vamp up your style and if you must buy that sports car...at least buy the one that won't depreciate in value like a Madoff investment op....because after-all, your still the smart guy and women will always be women!
M. Joseph Miller II aka Grey Law
This is why I don't really know what women want. I have a friend that looks like he just came out of an ambercrombe fitch catalog. The women throw themselves at him. I shake my head, because he doesn't have any education, is in a job that won't go anywhere, and he drinks like a fish (and has cheated on his girls many times) They say he is exciting all the way until they break up with him calling him a jerk(and other names)I on the other hand am not in the best of shape but am not an elephant either, I don't really have a style of dressing, but am educated and have a real career going, one that will eventually lead me to having the good life, but women say I am too stable and to predictable for them. I don't know how to think about women anymore. If women picking out guys to date were like going to the track and betting on horses, most women have no clue how to pick a horse that will win. They only look at what the horse looks like and the horses name, not it's track record. Women say they want a nice guy, but really what they want is a guy that is unstable, and unpredictable, but one that they think they can change into the calm, stable guy in the future.
ai3di - Nope i disagree with you man. You have everything going for you and now is where your personality comes in. If you have confidence in yourself and can make every day conversation with a woman, we will respond to you. There are women who want the qualities you have. We just have to get to know you. Take your dog to the dog park and start a conversation with a cute dog lover. There are lots of ways you can talk to women, you just have to get out there and do it. There should be opportunities to meet people on the net in lots of social networks too. Hobbies are also a great way to meet friends. So think aobut it. I know you can make it work for you!
Stop!! Why are you holding yourself back? You have to get notice by women and your boss. If you are "going somewhere professionally" why not dress the part? Remember, women's porno (romance novels) all have the same theme: wild stallion of a man to be tamed by her feminine wiles and irresistible sexual allure.
You later in like will not want to look back on what you missed. Many women who are now after "wild thing" will be after stable and fun later. But, you did not describe yourself as fun. Enjoy life, get experience,so later you can suss out the gold diggers and have your head on straight.
I certainly hope that you don't whine like this to the women you're trying to pursue. The thing you have to remember is that women on the whole are far more emotional creatures than men. They are drawn and motivated towards things that stir their emotions, whether it be happiness, danger, sadness, etc. The way you describe yourself (Not in great shape, dress blandly, and in a career that will "eventually lead to the good life", which is to say you aren't rich yet), seriously, is the most boring thing in the world. You just described probably 40% of the men in America. How can you expect to stand out if you're actively including yourself in the majority? Your buddy may not have much long term appeal, but his fast lifestyle and partying ways are likely an exciting breath of fresh air for women who encounter clone after clone of the man you've described above. Your buddy has found a way to stir womens' emotions. You, on the other hand, are trying to appeal to their logical side, which will always lose out to their emotions.
Now, there's no reason for you to be punished for doing what you're supposed to have done with your life. All you need to do is change the packaging a little. If you have a hobby or something interesting that you're into, play that up. And really, any past-time can be made to sound interesting. It certainly wouldn't hurt to maybe get into a little better shape and put some thought into your clothes, because it shows you know how to sweat the small stuff. Lastly, maybe play things a little closer to the chest with new women that you meet. She doesn't need to know right away where you're from, what you do, etc. If you can get HER to ask YOU these questions, they you know you've at least peaked her interest.
Alot of women dont know what they want they'll say they hate drama and continue to go out with the guy that keeps kicking them out of the house and throwing their stuff on the lawn. My sister and her man break up almost every 3 weeks. Hes even gone as far as to hold her against the wall by her neck and they were back together a few weeks later this has been going on for 2 years now....the way i see it is those girls...the "Drama" girls that want the popular ambercrombe fitch catalog guy, arnt the kind of girls nice stable guys should be after anyway. Always remember that men and women cant all be labled in the same catagory so just because most women you meet want the macho popular guy (who really isnt worth a damn) doesnt mean there arnt girls out there that are different. Sometimes its hard to find but there are other good people out there who can recognize and appretiate a fellow good person when they see them.
Sure, they find this guy exciting and unpredictable, but he isn't long term material and that is why they break up with him all the time calling him a jerk. Now, why would you want women coming on to you like that so that they could break up with you later?
Those women are picking guys that they want for that moment (or they also haven't learned how to break their bad cycles). Us guys have done the same thing time and again as well. Like Lyz says, the right kind of gal is out there, but you may be looking in the wrong place.
My younger brother is an ass, but always bringing an endless parade of gals home. Some he just "plays" with for a couple days to a couple weeks, and others actually try to last in something longer with him, usually bottoming out in about 3 years, by which time they finally really get it that he is a self centered ass and he won't be changing for them or anyone else, and they go off hating him and disappointed. My brother doesn't hide who he is, and is a lot like the friend you describe. I'll be honest, even though some of the girls he brings home are hot, I have never wanted anything to do with any of them. Sure, one or two were actual sweet, pretty, and book-smart, but I also know that they had some issues to work on or else they wouldn't give up more than 3 dates to my brother. No, I have never and will never date on of my brother's exes, but its not simply because he dated them.
Point is, I know the type of girls that jump in with that type of guy. For a lot of them its just for fun. For some of them they think they'll get the total package and prove their worth and the strength of their love by changing him for the better.
I don't date simply for fun. I have fun dating but I also look for compatabilities with the women I date, not if they'd be a fun romp. That type of woman will like the good lucks, but she'll be looking for something else, something deeper.
He's mastered the wink? Really, this is what women are looking for? Jesus.
It's not what women are looking for. It's what they find irresistible. There is a difference unfortunately. And judging by the comments, the difference between what women want in a relationship and what they're attracted can cause a lot of problems for everyone.
While I agree that there is a profound difference between what women are looking for and what they actually go for, the wink part is bordering on the absurd.
Oh Horace nelson stop being so serious. It is just a fun little way to flirt if the guy does it right. No not every guy can pull it off but for those who can, it's fun. It's no big deal if you never wink at us, how about show us that great smile and tell us what's on your mind. Ever heard that your mind is your biggest aphrodesiac? hmmmm....
I would like to say that i do most of these for my girl, except for i dress well. One thing im suprised that women dident discuss was if they like a mans hands manacured or rough ?. I work in the automotive industry as a technician and my hands are rougher than dirt glued to leather.
Rough hands are nice...I think that's very sexy! Any man whose hands are softer than mine, well, it's a turn off. And P.S: LONG FINGERNAILS ARE NASTY! And even worse when they have dirt under them. Rough hands are fine, but they should be clean...JMO anyway.
If you are with a real woman she won't mind the rough hands of a hard working honest man.
Sleep with moisturizer on your hands covered by gloves, this will restore some of the softness to your hands if you do this on a regular basis. Coconut Oil is a fantastic moisturizer.
I've got to say, men setting world records in swimming is really doing it for me this week. They probably smell like chlorine, but being really good at something is just so sexy.
I'm gonna steal this one from my husband who says that certain men, while they are awesome in so many ways, aren't "dangerous enough" - maybe that is an aspect of confidence or sexiness or some ineluctable quality that is a little tough to define but you look at certain of your male friends who are often super nice realize that yea, if he was a little more dangerous, he'd be on fire!
andrea - you go girl! ineluctable - Not capable of being avoided or overcome. Damn - always true, you learn something new every day. I had to look up that word. A man you cannot avoid... wow that conjures up images. A sexy, confident man who wants to get to know you better. Who is charmingly persistent and has an air of mystery about him. wow.... i'm in it for that one... lol .. .great comments ... thanks! You and your husband are right ... not so much the bad boy badddd qualities but the mysterious "who am i really" qualities.. yea !!!
I think the scent is so important.
That's why I'm willing to spent a few hours trying to find the right cologne. Other things can be overcome, but if the scent isn't right ... well ...
mmmm ethan lacity.. come a little closer.. i want to smell your cologne... lol... yea i agree, if you just love the scent, you will also attract those who love the scent... it is intoxicating.... ahhhhhhh... breathe deeply ...
I'm trying to perfect my wink. I was never much of a winker.
I have some issue with #3&4 ... of course, I don't want to be with a guy who is a nasty slob, but the two guys I have dated who actually put serious time and effort into being in shape and looking good were shallow and narcissistic and cheated on me. i'd rather have an absent-minded intellectual than an attention whore any day! (of course, i may have just had some bad experiences...)
Maybe the problem was they put too much time into it, a guy who goes to the gym 3 days a week for like 45 minutes is ok but I work in a gym and some guys come here 7 days a week for hours at a time those are the guys who tend to be jerks cause they are so obsessed with how they look that they dont think about anything else
Unless hes too calm like mine was and then you get cheated on, yeaj calm, they dont want to say too much now.
He has learned the value of honesty and integrity, and implements them. A name worth sharing, and accepting.
WOOHOO!!! I rate.
Seriously though, my only concern is number 5. Not to toot my own horn, but I know how to dress. The problem with it (of course its tied into other aspects of my character) is that in this day is that a lot of women will infer that a "put together" man is gay.
I've had several first dates that started out with a surprised woman saying, "I thought you were gay!"
Course its always fun proving them wrong!
Yes bookmama! The ability to convo with the agree to disagree philosophy if it turns that way!
yes to #s 1, 2 & 5!
while i often gag over some men's wardrobe choices, it's not essential. i still go gaga over chucks and a hoody.
Yea tom ZZ got it right ... but jeans and a tee shirt are just as sexy.... :) Have nice sweet smelling fluffy clean hair .. mmmmmm
Just remember sharp dressed is great, but looks can be decieving. So look past the paper on the package. Does he have a brain, can he use it. Does he have a personality. Is he kind, caring, unselfish and loving? Beauty and Good Looks fade and then what do you have? Dress can always be changed. I have met some sharp dress men who were just sharp dressed and underneath were very dull, no personality just a shell with nothing in it. Looked like a Duck, quacked like a Duck, walked like a Duck, but was a "Wolf in Ducks Clothes. Thinking helps one to avoid have to clean up a mess in their life.
