Key To Finding A Good Man? Self-Respect
Video Vixen Karrine Steffans urges women to value themselves if they want to find Mr. Right.
If you're at all familiar with former video vixen Karrine "Superhead" Steffans' past escapades, as chronicled in her New York Times bestselling memoirs Confessions of a Video Vixen and The Vixen Diaries, then you might wonder how she can get away declaring that the way to find, seduce, and keep the man you want is through self-respect. But she knows what she's talking about, and you can be sure that she has more than one tantalizing tip to offer in her new book The Vixen Manual.
Dedicated to her husband Darius McCray, aka Family Matters' Eddie Winslow, Ms. Steffans draws upon her own trial-and-error dating experiences with the likes of Usher, Jay-Z and consummate playboy Bill Maher to cover every aspect of a woman's search for the right mate. From learning how to appreciate being single to what it really means to "settle" for the right man, Steffans advice will absolutely have you laughing out loud and (seriously) snapping your fingers "oh yes" on more then one occasion.
In this excerpt, Steffans lays out some ground rules to help you get on your way. First up: All men are not dogs, because if they were, we'd all be bitches. And we know that's not true, right ladies?
From The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce, and Keep the Man You Want by Karrine Steffans. Copyright 2009 Corinthian Order. Published by Grand Central. Available wherever books are sold. All rights reserved.
We each attract a certain type of man, depending on how we carry ourselves. Don't expect to have a respectful man if you, for instance, curse like a sailor. Such behavior always reflects more negatively upon you than it does to those you're cursing. As for other important aspects of your life, if you don't have any goals, principles, power, or worth, then what makes you believe you can attract a man who has any of those qualities? You are what you attract, whether you like it or not.
Contrary to what you may believe, we are not designed to follow the lead of men. They are made to follow us, at least when it comes to male and female relations. In the days before the sexual revolution, a man could never hope to lay with a self-respecting woman unless he first made her his wife. But then things changed. During the bra-burning "free love" period of the sixties and the "I am woman, hear me roar" days of the seventies, these ideals changed drastically. Women who were sexually liberated were seen as hip and progressive, in charge of their lives, able to bed as many men as they chose without fear of being frowned upon. Men followed along because we set the rules, not them.
Discussion
In my younger years, (yes, younger years!), I had always allowed men to treat me poorly. Only because I had not yet understood the dynamics of a relationship. I allowed them to tell me what I wanted to hear, "play" me into giving them what they wanted, i.e. money, rides, time, food etc. Whatever my "whatever" was, they were getting it (though I was most inclined to not give 'it' up...).
I think a lot of this has to do with upbringing. I lived in a very controlling environment. Both parents trying to control each other, both parents controlling both children. It was very hard to establish at a young age where the boundaries should have been drawn. Thankfully, at my ripe old age of 35, I have grown to understand what a real relationship looks like. You know, kinda sorta through addition and subtraction of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
When it comes right down to it, love and relationships are not a game and NONE of them are ever the same. They are real; they are tangible; they are something that all of us are striving to find and are thriving to look forward to at any age.
It's innate, or human, for all of us to "need" someone. To "need someone to love", to be loved by someone. No matter how you look at it, no text book, no hard cover book, no Boarders coupon, no on-line article will ever give you what you are looking for. You have to find it for yourself... with your own patience and within your own time. Anything worth having takes time and patience, and understanding and perhaps a little growing up. Anything that comes too easily, beware.
I think woman that need to always lead men are telling the man she is either better then he or he is not what she want or she does not trust him. Relationships are not not built on one person pulling the other around by the ring in his/ or her nose.
These tips should be so common-sense, but unfortunately most of us learn the hard way. Good story with a useful takeaway -- thanks guys!
I agree that it is true that often women allow men to treat them poorly. This is not the case with abuse and when men are bad people, but for some "good guys" will still try and get away with a lot if a woman lets them. They are often still kind of children that way.
