How To Date On Craigslist
Is it possible to find love through Craigslist? One woman takes the plunge and returns with advice.
I couldn't help it; his email was password was just too easy to crack. His cat's name? He must've wanted me to take a peek.
My fingers hesitantly pecked at the inbox, and suddenly, I was reading my recent ex's email. To my horror, he had placed a singles ad on Craigslist. He truly was moving on.
I'd like to say I didn't sit home feeling sorry for myself, but, of course, that would be lying. Weeks passed; I started to flirt a little. But at 36, it seemed every cute or kind man near my age was married with children. I'd heard it said that the older you are, the harder it is to start over, and the fewer the decent, eligible men there are. Was it really true? I was starting to feel like an overripe piece of fruit on a tree, about to rot. Had I held out too long for the perfect man? Read: Why Am I Still Single?
Eventually I got sick of throwing myself pity parties; I had to try something. Ahh, I thought. Craigslist is free—and anonymous. And my ex was trying it, why shouldn't I? I wondered what would happen if I posted a wish list online.
Sure, Craigslist has had its share of troubles (the recent Craigslist Killer comes to mind) but I'd be using the online personals section—which is for legitimate dating—and not the "casual encounters" section—which is just what it sounds like. Would it be possible to find just what I wanted?
To summon my courage, I got in touch with my inner Angelina Jolie, imagining myself sweeping across the globe on humanitarian missions with a tall, handsome, loving, financially-secure humanitarian at my side. We'd save the world and love each other, maybe even start a family. What an amazing life we'd live!
I invented an email address for myself and posted my ad: LOOKING FOR A HUMANITARIAN. I poured my heart into it. It read:
Do you exist? I'm tired of people telling me that I care too much. I'm looking for some one who "gets it"—you know, someone who loves to do all he can to make the world a better place, wherever he is. One day it could be talking with a troubled teenager, the next it could be helping to bring clean water to an impoverished community. Perhaps "kind" says it all.
Why? It's hard to explain. I've never married and have been holding out for you, perhaps. I see myself as empowering and helping such an individual on their path to heal the world with positive energy and possible romance. I want to be by your side. We can keep each other going—keep each other idealistic and focused on what matters most.
I can dream, can't I? I hope you exist. I hope you're a true gentleman with a tender, open heart. Under 50 please and unmarried. Thank you for reading.
Discussion
I met my significant other on OkCupid as well. It takes time, but it can be worth it to weed through the jerks, the ones that just want a random hookup, and the otherwise unsavory types to find a gem. I know that I have!
I met my boyfriend on OkCupid.com. It's a free site (with a much better user interface). All of the "matching" questions are user generated. It's a great site and I recommend it to everyone I meet.
I didn't think I was ready to get back into dating, but I put up a profile as a way to get a friend online. I was having fun answering questions, replying on forums and writing in my journal (blog). I had some enjoyable conversations and went on one date. I just wanted to start "flexing" that dating muscle-- again not thinking I could *really* meet a great guy online.
I saw one cute guy who is totally my type, but he smokes (and I *hate* smoking). But since I wasn't looking for anything serious, I figured 'what the hell' and woo'd (like a wink) him. Well, despite his smoking, he is perfect for me. I know it's only been 5 months, but sometimes you just know when it's a good thing.
Try lots of different sites, read about how to put together a good profile (try not to use photos that look like a mug shot) and don't take it very seriously. If you go into it with the attitude that you have to 'kiss alot of frogs', you won't put so much pressure on each encounter.
I know you were asking the ladies, but just had to chime in here. Sadly, because of quite a few of the responses that you got from guys who obviously didn't read your whole dating ad, or are just skeevy perverts to begin with, it makes it difficult for other guys, like myself, to find someone on a dating site. Add to that how important your location is to how many available people there are on the site and it can be downright frustrating!
Hawaii is pretty small, especially when you start looking at the individual islands. I tried Match until I got tired of all the really exceptional women (at least by their ads) not being able to respond because they didn't want to pay for the subscription. I actually did meet with one woman from Match, just a hang out and have fun kind of thing (no code in that, by the way). She informed me that her and 5 of her friends compare who notes on who they got emails from the night before, and if 2 of them heard from the same guy, regardless of how individualized his email may have been, then they all automatically black-ball him. I know I used to send out a lot of messages, but not form letters or anything like that. I just tried to contact the profiles that intrigued me. Also tried chemistry and eHarmony. Neither one worked as advertised, especially eHarmony. The online dating pool out here is tiny.
Oddly enough, I did meet my SO on Facebook...and that was completely unintentional! Kudos to you, and good hunting!
I know what you're talking about. It must be even worse on a small island! Have you tried plentyoffish.com? It's a free site, so every one is there, or at least they seem to be. And it flashes up pictures randomly to show some people who are currently online. Sometimes, when they see yours, your inbox fills pretty quickly... It's a well put together site - you can take quizzes or IM to yoru heart's content. Still haven't found Mr. Right, but it has been a bit easier to date off there.
Yes, some ads ARE very entertaining! Some skirt around issues with proper wording - but everyone kind of knows what they mean with their offerings, etc. There's a real "decoding" going on. Like "100 roses." Anybody hear of any interesting codes for things?
Glad YOU asked the question Lyz.. I was curious myself. Maybe I'll learn something. '100 Roses'??? I'l bet it's got something to do with 'sex'... or 'money' .....or both? Craigslist? Dating sites? Naw. Thanks for the idea but I think I'll meet my women the old fashioned way....In a Bordello!!!
BTW Christine, once you do hit 50 (maybe you'll open to the idea by the time you're 40, I hear SOME men do like younger gals) You should see more available men that ARE financially secure. By 50 many (some?) have built a strong financial foundation. MOST with money before that age inherited it and may not have the sense to be able to keep it. If you're REALLY interested in doing some humitarian work, I see a few folks that make runs out to Haiti from here in FL. Provide medical assist, teach, etc. But...once again, they're probably all over 50. See, life does get better as you get older.
Awesome! That's great. People are out there you just have to find them. And it seems like these guys are on craigslist. Who wouldn't want a man who knows where to find a good deal on furniture and the latest garage sales?
thanks for this! as someone who has posted many times on craigslist with little to no success, and on top of that, seeing my ex (even when he was not my ex) posting on craigslist in different cities, including where he would be vacationing with his buddies, I could definitely relate to making my wishlist known and then getting flooded with responses where ultimately nothing comes of it. sorry for the run on sentence.
