'Julie The Tongue-Invader' And Other Tales On Kissing Well

By

A guy who loves kissing explains why making out is special and how to deal with a bad kisser.
 

 

I am an aficionado of the kiss. No other act is so simple and so intimate. The light suction, the flick of the lip, the playful nibble, the deep advance and retreat of the tongue — a good kiss is like jazz, an improvisation of melodies, flirtatious staccatos, and passionate brassy crescendos. A good kiss is a rapport enacted physically, like sex, but more erotic.

Many women don't realize this. I've been surprised at how many treat kissing like it really is "first base," just a step towards something better. And when I meet such women, I face a dilemma, like being a music lover who discovers that a new friend has bad taste. Do you break it off, or do you educate? And if you educate, how do you give lessons without giving offense? Foreplay: How To Fix A Bad Kisser

My first encounter with such a kisser ended badly. Julie and I were 14, at the conclusion of our second date. She tilted her head, put her open lips to mine, and, using a combination of wetness and suction, established airlock. Then her tongue invaded. I imagined an eel or a water-dwelling snake, or perhaps a tapeworm, darting towards my throat, slithering around, and then withdrawing, only to strike again immediately. I tried to block her with my tongue, but she swirled and pushed me back. I could not breathe. Then I began to gag reflexively. 

Being fourteen has its disadvantages; Julie had not learned the cardinal rule of kissing: it's a conversation. There's nothing inherently wrong with an all-out tongue invasion, but if your interlocutor hasn't asked for it, then you're more scary than sexy. I didn't even call Julie to break up with her, figuring that if a girl had literally made me gag, she would probably get the message. Read: My One Great Love...Wasn't

Next: I would have to teach them...

More Juicy Content:

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB
  • Makeover time! 64% of people say they change their looks after a breakup.