How To Kiss Well
A guy who loves kissing explains why making out is special and how to deal with a bad kisser.
I am an aficionado of the kiss. No other act is so simple and so intimate. The light suction, the flick of the lip, the playful nibble, the deep advance and retreat of the tongue—a good kiss is like jazz, an improvisation of melodies, flirtatious staccatos, and passionate brassy crescendos. A good kiss is a rapport enacted physically, like sex, but more erotic.
Many women don't realize this. I've been surprised at how many treat kissing like it really is "first base," just a step towards something better. And when I meet such women, I face a dilemma, like being a music lover who discovers that a new friend has bad taste. Do you break it off, or do you educate? And if you educate, how do you give lessons without giving offense?
My first encounter with such a kisser ended badly. Julie and I were 14, at the conclusion of our second date. She tilted her head, put her open lips to mine, and, using a combination of wetness and suction, established airlock. Then her tongue invaded. I imagined an eel or a water-dwelling snake, or perhaps a tapeworm, darting towards my throat, slithering around, and then withdrawing, only to strike again immediately. I tried to block her with my tongue, but she swirled and pushed me back. I could not breathe. Then I began to gag reflexively.
Being fourteen has its disadvantages; Julie had not learned the cardinal rule of kissing: it's a conversation. There's nothing inherently wrong with an all-out tongue invasion, but if your interlocutor hasn't asked for it, then you're more scary than sexy. I didn't even call Julie to break up with her, figuring that if a girl had literally made me gag, she would probably get the message.
I soon realized, however, that my modest adolescent social status didn't leave me much room to be choosy. Plus, it turned out that even some awesome girls were terrible at kissing. I would have to teach them.
I took my instructional inspiration from my first girlfriend, Christine—my gold standard when it comes to kissing. Our first kiss had been, to a boy on a first date, a small miracle. I had been terribly nervous as we approached her front door. My hands had begun to sweat. (How could I touch her with sweaty hands?) I became aware of my gangly height. (Could I reach her without bending awkwardly?) I began to doubt that I should kiss her at all.
But she made it very simple. She took my wrists and clasped my hands behind her back, rose onto her toes, and pressed her bottom lip between mine, drawing my top lip between hers, just until I returned the gesture. Then it was over, punctuated with a little smack of suction as we parted. For several days after, the kiss ran through my mind. What stood out in my replay, even more than her malleable lips and that hint of her tongue, was my own feeling of pride. Despite my adolescent fumblings, I somehow felt that I had acted—there was no other word—smooth.
A great kisser makes you feel like a great kisser.
The lesson here, for any would-be kissing instructor, is that you have to teach without suggesting something is wrong. In fact, your unsuspecting students should feel as if they are teaching you.
Discussion
As they say practice makes the man perfect especially if you are at a very young age. Kissing is an art and everyone may not be the master. At the same time you can always be one. If you are not really satisfied with the way your partner kisses, take the controls in your hand. Be the guider and make him/her learn.
I remember a couple years ago I started to make out with a girl I really liked I initiated it she was surprised at first so she did not do much couple seconds later she got into it and she shoved her tongue in my mouth with out moving her lips and it seriously felt like i was making out with a snake I stopped right there but didn't really pull away but she got the message that it was kinda creepy and I started kissing her again and she stopped using her tongue like that for the rest of the time we dated.
Im 19 and been single until now. I have never practice kissing neither kissed a boy until finally having a bf and my first kiss which was horrible as i thought about it after even my bf was honest about it. But he told me that ill get better later on and that practice makes perfect. So being with him for two months now, i have gotten a little bit better but not fully there yet with tongue and all,hehe. He says im getting better but i say i guess still not satisfied, the best part of this relationship is that he is such a good kisser...actually more like a hot kisser bc i just get turned on everytime he starts kissing me while using his tongue, LOL. So this is a very good article to read and the tips from this article is great for me.
Ahhh!!! Love the topic. I’ve always been told I’m a great kisser but I couldn't exactly tell you why. Even in high school I seemed to end kissing other guys women. Maybe the blue bedroom eyes and fuller lips (I couldn't see it,lol) but it's in the beholder I suppose. Of course if you like something chances are you'll be good at it because ,so to speak, you put all your passion, heart and soul into it and there's unseen but felt sexual energy in that kiss. So what do you expect with a screen name like mine? LOL. I do like all the versions of a kiss related here but what excites, arouses me the most and contrary to some comments and the originator of this topic, is when a woman does attack?? me with her tongue, thrusting as it were. That’s the closest I’ll ever get to having the feeling of penetration and woman on the sexual offensive. That hopefully relates to how she feels during intercourse from a man. The one kiss I’ll always remember is a woman who seemed to like my tongue but did not give me her's , then all of a sudden something happened to her and I found myself with the longest and thinnest tongue, yes like a snake , darting almost to my throat and taking my breath away. Like the oldies song kept repeating "it's in his (or her) kiss".........
Great article; totally agree with the author. Since I was a young teenager, I've enjoyed kissing. As an almost 50 year old woman, I can say this....bad kissing is a deal breaker. A few co-workers were discussing this point....she said, "My husband and I kiss alittle, but it's just a precursor to sex". My response, "If the kissing isn't great, there won't BE any sex." And I stand by this...to me, kissing is like making love with the mouth. There's so much you can do to mimic the same movements and sensations that you might get during sex....like sucking on his tongue, as if you were giving him a blow job. The guy I'm with now is 13 years my junior and THE best kisser I've ever experienced...it's no wonder the sex is mind blowing too!
I had a experience with someone who only wanted to stick their tongue in your mouth but taught him thats not only thing you do when you go to kiss someone. I told him without telling him if you know what I mean. So no you dont have to suffer and no you dont have to make someone feel sub-concious about you can simply do what I did guide them!
I think it's terrible that some girls won't tell guys they're bad kissers. If you care about the guy, you'll want to help him by letting him know! After all, isn't that what relationships are about?
- Lauren
How To French Kiss
I dated a guy who kissed with such passion that it aways got me hot but that was all he had he was a terrible boyfriend and not into me at all to him it was just kissing to me the earth opened it some times can be misleading .on the other hand I dared another for ten years he was very romantic did everything for me and my family but the kiss was like murder by tongue HARRIBLE some people have it and some don't
This is the sexiest, coolest article I've read in a long time. I agree completely about the importance of kissing. My most memorable boyfriend was an incredible kisser, we kissed for hours quite happily. Wow, what good memories!
I dated a guy for 2 years, off and on, who didn't know how to kiss. He went for the "let me stick my tongue down your throat, as far as I can" approach. I did exactly as stated in the article: went for slow kisses, withdrew, started to tease, and he would reciprocate, eventually. But then it would always head to the "AHGGGRRAAAGGAGAAAGGGG" tongue gagging action. Sometimes I just didn't feel like kissing him because I knew where it would always go.
I never had the heart to tell him he wasn't a great kisser. It just didn't seem as important at the time as appreciating him as a good person.
well ,my boyfriend is a good kisser and i am too and showing our affection develop into somehting serios in bed..thats cool about kissing turns into getting hot .....
I was my boyfriend of 3 years first kiss lol. He was horrible the first time but I taught him the right way. Now he makes no mistakes...whether its being romantic or just sexual his kisses make me melt. Sometimes I feel like he taught me!!! Kissing rox my sox lol!!! Eyes closed are a plus...
kissing with passion and also with a good person makes one feels great.
Being the older 1 of the two, Justin didnt really know HOW to kiss, besides like a goldfish being frowned lol.
Now 6 months into the relationship, hes getting much better.
Practice makes perfect afterall.
no doubt about it kissing is so much fun! but there is an art to kissing. i think most of it has to do with who you are kissing. whenever you kiss someone new for the first time, you never know what to expect, but once the two of you have gotten into a rhythm every time the two of you kiss it will be perfect! and kissing is totally a necessity in a relationship. if a guy wants to be serious with me but still refuses to kiss me ... not cool. chances are he probably isn't into that relationship and i'm not either.
Sometimes the kiss is that good that you cant help but close your eyes or sometimes you dont even notice that your eyes even closed to me that means the kiss was spectacular!!
I concur wholeheartedly. My very recent ex was not a kisser. And because she felt that she was not a good kisser, she did not care to indulge any activities that she wasn't convinced she was "good" at. While I knew how much I thoroughly enjoy the nuances and expressions of kissing, I didn't realize how much a necessity is it for me until I was in a relationship where it wasn't reciprocated or appreciated. Of course her aversion to kissing was merely a symptom of much deeper issues with commitment and emotional vulnerability. And I truly believe that that's where the art of kissing stems - the ability (and desire) to express oneself in that unique, passionate setting that can be as innocent as it is erotic
I actually love to kiss however, my wife is not a big fan of passionate kissing. And I dont mean all sloppy and wet, just sensual, slow kissing. So I basically have just lived with it for 15 years but I believe kissing is the first intimate step to truly connecting with another and it can be very rewarding if the other is into it because, if its good kissing it only leads to the next step in the intense physical connection. Thanks for the article and any thoughts on how I can persuade my wife to kiss more? Peace.
Well Ben I can actually say, "You are right on the money about KISSING". I love to kiss, it is something about the feel the passion that you can give someone without taking off your clothes. Just as you have, I have also came across the tongue bandit. You just want to stop them and say," HEY! are you trying to kill me with that thing". My current "friend" doesn't really like to kiss . I think he has had a few bad situations with kissing. He does like the light kiss of my lips against his. But, I've been working on him. He is starting to relax a little more. I just want to say..THANKS for letting some people know there is an art to kissing. To all you non-kissers please read this article and take some pointers (2nd page starting with paragraph 1).