Why Powerful Men Cheat
Why do politicians and other powerful men cheat on their wives?
We've been around the block. We've seen enough political figures dropping trou to, if not yawn at another John Edwards scandal, then to certainly not be surprised by it. We've learned that even those politicians with an upstanding rep, adorable kids, and a kick-ass wife—maybe even especially those—seem to stray. The thing we've yet to uncover, though, is why. Tiger Woods Admits He "Let Family Down"
We get the human nature thing. A USA Today/Gallup poll conducted in March of 2008—right after the Eliot Spitzer scandal broke—found that 54 percent of Americans know someone with an unfaithful spouse. We're no math whizzes, but it seems to reason that unless each of the 1,025 people polled was referring to the same couple, that means half of all relationships in the U.S. suffer from infidelity—and people talk about it. But, with so much at stake and so many falling before them, how can men in the public eye cheat on their wives—and expect to get away with it? Read Diary Of A 23-Year-Old Mistress
Edwards, for one, wanted to explain, and so he did, on ABC's Nightline:
"This is what happened," he told a stone-faced Bob Woodruff. "I grew up as a small town boy in North Carolina. And I came from nothing, worked very hard, dreamed that I'd be able to do something hopeful and helpful to other people with my life. I became a lawyer. Through a lot of work and success, I gained some acclaim as a lawyer. People were telling me, 'Oh you're such a great person, such a great lawyer, such a talent. You're gonna go—there's no telling what you'll do.' And this was when I was 30, 31 years old. Then I went from being a senator— young senator—to being considered for vice president, running for president, being a vice presidential candidate, becoming a national public figure. All of which fed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe that, that you can do whatever you want. You're invincible. And there will be no consequences."
To paraphrase: "I used to be poor. Then I got rich and important. Then I thought I was so awesome that not only did I deserve to sleep with another woman, I also thought I wouldn't get caught. So I did it." Interesting, for sure, and a much more thorough (albeit scripted) explanation than we've gotten from a politician before. But reading his sentiment—and seeing him deliver it on camera all earnest blinks and furrowed eyebrows—makes us want to call BS. Can we?
Discussion
I think the real question is why would a man with so much going for him...put it all at risk for something like sex with another woman. I think people miss it all. For starters, these men are humans like everyone else. They have the same temptations and desires as every human being. I think the argument that they are so powerful they think they can get away with it is completely wrong. Men who are worthless believe they can get away with it also. I think they just succumb to the same instincts many people do. They live these lives and want something exciting on the side.
I write and discuss a lot of similar topics on another site, Leftos.com, and a similar question was asked and debated by the users - http://www.leftos.com/forum/view/401 - It's interesting to see different peoples opinions and definitions on cheating. Definitely a great discussion
I really enjoy reading about other peoples takes on all of this: My Theory: a real relationship is based upon making each other happy, and even if Im extremely tired and may not be in the mood I will do what it takes to make him happy, and in return Im sure he does the same for me, it should be an unspoken bond because you are there to make the other person happy, you cant keep someone happy %100 of the time but you do your best. When people start giving up on "giving" thats when people cheat. I know there are some exceptions to those who have an addiction to sex and things of that sort I know this is not why all people cheat but really it comes down to being happy; you're not happy, you go look for something to make you happy. Relationships are WORK and a lot of people forget about that and think it should just happen because you love each other, wake up people you get what you give.
See I have great faith in almost engaged post and the future of her marriage. She represents the ideal mate. All women could learn from her example. I say kudos to you almost engaged.
Wouldn't it be great if all husbands acted like they did when they were almost engaged?
Although, maybe it's just as well that life isn't like that. No one could sustain that level of excitement.
In the end, the truth is that although we may be less perfect as time goes by, we're more real and the love is deeper.
You know, you remind me of someone who takes the position that: I HAVE MY MIND MADE UP SO DON'T CONFUSE ME WITH THE FACTS.
I suggest that you go back and read a book entitled THE TOTAL WOMAN written by Marybelle Morgan back in the seventies. She basically said the same things that I and the Bible say. She saved tens of thousands of marriages and women reported husbands romancing them again and taking care of them and the family. All because the women started following the rules and started giving their husbands sex when they wanted it.
The feminsts could not stand this and viciously attacked her and her ministry. They even made a movie to ridicule her called THE STEPFORD WIVES.
There is nothing more frustrating than someone who refuses to see. It is your rigtht to live your life as you choose.
I have had the experience of counseling many clients and I see women like you all of the time and hear the complaints from the frustrated husbands who are forced to seek sex outside the marriage, because their wives DID NOT FEEL LIKE IT.
Sorry, you've made up your mind before you have the facts. You know nothing about me, my husband, or our sex life. As my husband went off to work today, he kissed me and said "I made a good choice all those years ago."
I think it would be best to stick to the arguments, but if you want to talk about relationships, I really am someone who is happily, monogamously married. In my opinion, telling women to have sex whenever their husband wants it or else is a recipe for a bad marriage.
I have read Marabel Morgan. She tells wives to initiate sex and to get in the mood every day. It's not quite the same thing as telling them they have to have sex when they don't feel like it. Her advice had an odd, somewhat unChristian side, though, as she suggested that wives who had sex with their husbands would be rewarded with presents and refrigerators.
As for the facts - there are no rules that say wives must give their husbands sex when the husbands want it. That is not the law. It is not part of the marriage ceremony. I believe, as a Christian, that a husband who told his wife to give him sex when she didn't want it would be going against God. If a husband truly loves his wife, she can trust him to give him her body because he won't demand sex from her. He'll make love to her and if she's never in the mood, he'll work with her to figure out if she's tired or unhealthy or unhappy or dissatisfied with sex. And she'll do the same for him.
I find it appalling that you would suggest a husband is forced to seek sex outside the marriage if his wife doesn't feel like it more than once a week. That goes against any sense of personal responsibility for our actions. It is clearly not what Christianity or any other religion I know of teaches.
It is biblical law that the wives give the husband sex whenever he wants it and likewise the husband is required to provide his wife sex whenever she wants it as well.
Youj keep saying that I believe that women should be forced to have sex. I am not saying that..
Promise Keepers was a Men's Ministry which grew like wild fire on the promise that if they becaame better husbands, fathers and Christians then their wives would be more sexually responsive. The movement utterly failed because the men became better but their continuing universal complaint was that they were not getting any more sex than before they became better men.
The bible also commands us not to be a "stumbling block". When a wife does not take care of her husband's sexual needs, she is definitely a stumbling block. You have not dealt with all of the people that I have who have complained of sexual starvation for years.
You are entitled to live your life however you choose, but please don't defend women who routinely starve their husbands because THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!
Okay Promise Keepers didn't fail because men weren't getting sex. There is NO evidence to support that claim or that it even failed. In fact a lot of people tout it as a success.
Also, I'd like to see exactly where in the Bible it tells women to give sex to men all the time? Sounds like the Gospel according to Southernwriter57, rather than any other Bible I've read.
Additionally, men aren't cheating because of lack of sex. In fact in a study 56% of cheating men reported being happy in their marriages: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_200/222_dating_girl.html It's easy to blame frigid women for "making" men cheat. But that is just baloney. It's a blame game. It deflects the real responsibility from the cheater to the victim.
Bottom line: If you are missing something in your relationship and you go somewhere else for that, then you only have yourself to blame. Marriages take work sacrifice and compromise. If something is wrong and you take the easy way out by cheating, then that's your fault.
It's not starving a husband to turn him down for sex when you don't feel like it. Not feeling like sex is a perfectly good reason to say no. If a relationship gets to the point where there's very little sex, the couple needs to work on it, but it's a couple problem, not a problem with wives.
It sounds like you're buying into the consumer-style marriage model of the modern world. You want a woman who meets your "needs" and gives you sex in exchange for you being nice to her. That's not what love is about. Looking at marriage that way is a sure path to divorce.
I also think you're getting away from the message of Christianity - go the extra mile, forgive, love is patient - not things I'm great at, I know. Still, I think they're better goals than saying I'm going to cheat if you don't give me what I want.
Insisting that men have rights under a biblical law isn't loving women. I think you're getting away from the Spirit. I really don't think God wants men to get mad at women for not having sex. I don't think God wants a man to blame his wife when he cheats.
A lot of the things you say sound angry at women. That doesn't seem like a good attitude to have when you are counseling couples.
I highly recommend the book "Take Back Your Marriage" which talks about a different model of marriage from the contemporary consumer model. You start from the idea that you are both members of a marriage working together to create something good. You are committed to staying together and working hard. You don't look at it in terms of does this person meet my needs. You don't replace them with someone else if you don't think they're doing their job. You don't accept a horrible situation, either, you work to create a good marriage. The main thing, though, is you don't look at your mate as half of a contract, just one more consumer good that meets your needs or gets replaced.
I have said repeatedly, you have no idea how I live my life. Don't jump to any conclusions.
I don't know if this applies to you, but for any man who is angry at some woman because she didn't give him enough sex - please let go of the anger. Don't blame women if you did anything you shouldn't have. If you are religious, let God/the Spirit into your heart. Start over.
This is my last reply to your post. I am saying that the Christian attitude that is appropriate here is that women need to show their love for their husbands by taking care of his sexual needs. It is also a law in Proverbs 31 where the women went from being multiple wives and concubines for a man's sexual needs as allowed in the Old Testament and was governed by God's law. It says that the man shall have no need of spoil meaning concubines when the primary wife said no. It meant that now one wife was to take care of all of the husband's needs.
You keep making excuses as to why the women should be given the pass and it is always the man who has to do without.. Feminists suggest the same things and worse. When have you ever seen a feminsit point anyone to Jesus?
You keep wanting to substitute your opinion of God's word and His commands. The Bible also commands us to avoid foolish arguments and you have not given an inch. You coime across like you are totally right and that I am totally wrong. It is your right to do so, but I will no longer answer your posts. You want to generalize from your opinion and discount my years of experience putting marriages back together.
For the record, Im not "almost engaged" I am engaged and have been for the last year and having a wedding in march. We have lived together for 4 years, and I'd be lying if i said that things have been perfect our intial move in together was rough and we we pretty young and didnt really know how to act, since then we learn from every disagreement that we have and explain things by talking instead of staying closed up about it like we were. When you feel like you can't talk to your partner, you start to fill up with things that you need to let out.... then you become bitter. You should never get to the point that you can't stand the person you are spending your life with. I stay in shape not only for myself but for him, I clean and cook for him because I want to make him happy, when you live your life to make each other happy, No it may not be perfect but it sure feels good to me when I know Ive pleased my future husband because he pleases me.
And yes, I have great faith in my marriage. My sweetie and I have been in love for nearly 30 years.
Here's my advice:
Love is about giving to each other. It's about wanting your lover to be happy. That means you don't push them to do things they don't want to do. In day-to-day living you will probably sometimes push them to do things and sometimes not be perfectly giving, but you try to avoid it.
It is especially important with sex that you do not push your lover to have sex when they are not in the mood. Pushing them will make them dislike sex and retreat from you. They will become less in touch with their desire than ever. They may become mad at you for not caring about them.
It is also important that you not push yourself to have sex when you don't want to. In the long run, you do your lover a disservice by having bad sex. Of course you should try to make time for sex in your life and you should try to make yourself relaxed and in the mood, but sometimes it's best for your lover if you say no. The goal is for you to be a sex partner who really enjoys the sex.
If you are not getting as much sex as you want, try not to get yourself into a resentful mood. Telling yourself you need it and they are denying you will lead you into temptation and cause you to cheat. Don't think of love or sex as something your partner owes you. That is not putting in your share of the work in a marriage. It's just selfishness and it destroys love.
Here's the thing about Christian love. If we were all truly practicing it, this discussion would be unnecessary. A man who loved his wife would be going out of his way to find out what she wanted just as she would be trying to do what he wanted. The result would probably be an intermediate amount of sex. It would not be guys saying their wives were starving them and causing them to cheat or blaming wives for everything.
When we are intimate and I didnt have intention to be in "the mood".... I GET IN THE MOOD. When I say Im not in the mood, I really mean I havent intiated it... because in the end we never have bad sex, it's more of an appreciation for each other, for their wants, needs,and desires....Go out of your way to make your partner happy and if you dont get it in return then go find someone that will, they are out there, stop settling. Anyone that has not got to that point I dont believe they have found their match. Christian love? Why does that have to be a label, Love is love no matter what way you look at it. Really If I dont keep him happy he doesn't keep me happy and why would I want to be with him if he didn't keep me happy? Real love CAN last forever, when Real work is in play. Idk, maybe our love is one of kind. Must be why were are getting married, too many people are getting married for the wrong reasons, they are not getting married strictly because they are in love its because a baby is on the way, because it financially makes sense, because it will get her to shut up, its has to be for ALL the right reasons.
I didn't mean to insult you or your relationship in any way. I hope I haven't. You two sound great and I think it's great you're getting married.
I was talking about Christian love in response to SouthernWriter57's argument about the Bible. I agree that love between people of any or no religion can last.
I agree that often when you're not in the mood, if you try it, you may get in the mood.
I have found that even when you really love each other, there will be times in a relationship where one of you is more interested in sex than the other. Having kids is a big one. Working out what to do about this is a big challenge. Blaming the person who wants less sex and telling them to have it anyway is not a good solution. Cheating only adds to the problem.
At 68, I have been cheated on, & have also cheated. In 4 marriages. I believe, it's human nature. Most animals aren't monogonous. I never cheated on my first husband, but he cheated on me every day. When I met my now dead soul mate, we never cheated. We never married either, but had 15 sweet years together. I think, in many marriage, theJ is taken out of Joy.
Why is this just about men cheating? Or powerful men?
Everyone cheats.
Historically, both men and women have cheated on their spouses whether they were powerful figure heads or not. Depending upon the situation, timing and the psychological makeup of the people involved, infidelity is likely to occur. In fact, depending upon the culture and their socio-economic status, men were allowed to have both a wife and a mistress. The existence of geisha's in Japanese culture prior to WWII is a prime example. During the unfortunate period of slavery in American history, many White slave owners either raped or forced black women to become their mistresses.
However, in Louisiana during this period wealthy white Creole men often took mixed-race mistresses before, or in addition to, their legal marriages, in a system known as plaçage. The young women's mothers often negotiated a form of dowry or property settlement to protect them. The men would often transfer social capital to their mistresses and children, including freedom for those who were enslaved in the early years, and education, the latter especially for sons.
It's also a well documented fact that members of Royalty, regardless of the culture have always had their mistresses, lovers or consorts in addition to their legitimate spouses. European rulers are no except. Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are a very good example and the list goes on and on! Furthermore, several of our U.S. Presidents have had mistresses in addition to their wives even while as sitting presidents!
The only difference now, is that our mas media driven culture has given obscure, desperate people a false of entitlement when they have affairs with high profile men and women. Most of these people are only looking for their "15 minutes of fame" and couldn't care less about the rather uncomfortable scrutiny their famous lovers are subjected to. If you're going to cheat, pick your partners very carefully because more than likely if the relationship fails, they'll burn you!!!
'Most men, were they guaranteed by God -or Whomever, Whatever- that they would never get caught, that nobody would ever find out, would sleep with every woman they had the desire to sleep with.'
Biological Imperative #1: Survival.
Biological Imperative #2, Part a: Men need to spread their seed.
Biological Imperative #2, Part b: Women need to procreate.
These are elemental drives of humans. We're part of the animal kingdom before we're what we are as members of human civilization. What I believe is that the mores, the standards, everything that's talked being behaviour that we should all exhibit, they're in conflict some/much of the time with this second Biological Imperative. What is it about humans that makes them so arrogant as to believe that you can inject a little civility into our biological natures and decorum results? It's hilarious to me. This conflict, being 'civilized' and behaving 'correctly', according to a set of rules determined arbitrarily versus our basic, survivalist urges is always there, always in the background. We might 'rule the world', but there are clearly things we cannot escape the reality of...no matter how much we might need to believe we're above them.
Personally? I've never cheated on a partner. And have only ever wanted to be in a monogamous, fidelitous relationship. But I surely understand how the 'average' male psyche works. 'You can run, but you cannot hide.'
I'm in agreement with Schmadrian. Before we had laws, society, lattes and all of that we were and still are animals with a hard coded drive to continue ourselves. I would add that there's enough variance among men that the strength of this drive would vary from man to man. Some guys stay with one woman no problem. Some guys try to stay with one woman when they have no business doing so and hurt others along the way. Some dudes marry for appearance sake and professional advancement to what they really want to achieve. Some dudes marry because they live in a society that tells them if they want to have sex they have to get married. In any case, men are men and not women. There are far too many women in our society who think men can exert just a little control and "civilize up" with the flick of a switch and dump what drives us. I get that it would make life easier for women but even if we could, what would we then become? That being said, infidelity is a betrayal of trust and it's up to the couple to work out whether they want to keep going and in which format.
Lastly, who says powerful rich folks are having more extra-marital "relationships" then regular males? I think it's just harder for them to keep stuff quiet, being in the national eye and all.
Actually, I think we're hard-wired to have a drive for monogamy. It helps us pass on our genes. Monogamy is not just a social invention.
There are species that practice monogamous pair-bonding. They sometimes have sex outside the pair-bond, but the interesting thing is that they do it secretly and try to prevent their mates from doing it. That is part of nature, not society.
There is a huge variety in what different animals do, so the question is what is natural for humans. We don't have an easy answer. Human sexual behavior is radically different from chimpanzees (everybody in the group who can get to the female when she's in heat mates with her) and gorillas (only the big guy gets to mate until another guy overthrows him). But if you look at human societies, they push monogamy. A few powerful guys sometimes get more than one wife, but most humans in most times and places in history were in monogamous relationships. Not perfectly faithful relationships, but pair-bonded with one person who you were supposed to be faithful to.
I don't think this a particularly female thing for humans. I think human males have the most reason for a drive towards monogamy. Contrary to popular belief, spreading your sperm is a rotten strategy for human males. For more on my thoughts on this see my blog "Are Men Programmed to Cheat?"
www.yourtango.com/node/22928
Women acting like bitches ALWAYS causes men to cheat. Women not fulfilling a man's sexual needs ALWAYS causes a man to cheat.
Women simply hate to hear the truth about themselves. They either love to blame the man or delusionally assume it must be some other reason other than their own fault. This is why women today have trouble keeping a man around: http://www.scribd.com/doc/21733512/Principles-101
I am a marriage, relationship and sexual coach. The statistics show that 60% of women have their guys on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less, especially after having children.
Men need respect as their number one need and sex as their number two need. Feminists and feminist counselors suggest to men that it should be okay for a woman to only have sex when she feels like it. Men need nurturing from their women and they get it from respect, admiration and fulfilling their sexual needs. Once women put the needs of her man at the bottom of her priority list instead of making them number one, then men tend to cheat and stop trying to romance their women.
I believe southernwriter57 is on to something. While I might not agree to force someone to do something against their will, both husbands and wives make sacrifices for each other. I believe this is all that is she suggests by her post. The role of a “coach” involves a lot of listening and then determining the path for a particular person or team. It seems that southernwriter57 listens well and has seen some of this first hand.
My personal experience involves a lot of communication. I tell my wife everything. So much that she tells me to stop talking so much. I tell her my reaction to the various infidelities of famous people, what I am thinking when she decides that sex is not an option for a few months, and how I feel when she has one of those periods when she is insatiable – and I am not always ready or in the mood.
This is the way it is in a relationship. There are good times, bad times, and even infidelity. I even believe there are things worse than cheating. As I stated in an earlier post, all do cheating: men, women, famous, rich, middle class, and poor. I believe that the middle class handle this one better than others do – normally no one kisses and tells and in some instances both parties really enjoy the sex, the moment, and the time shared with a person committed to another. This is all it is – sex. Perhaps sometime in the near future, virtual infidelity using the Wii will be available when a spouse needs a spark. What kind of cheating is this?
The two previous posts are hung up on the interpretation of my post. I am not suggesting that women be forced to have sex with their husband if they don't want to. What I am suggesting is that women change their want to and go back to putting their husband's need first where it belongs, not at the bottom of her priority list.
Jesus said: What you sow, so shall you reap. It is precisely because women have gotten so self centered that we have so much cheating and divorce in this country. The ones who are really hurt are the children.
In Proverbs 31 it says that the wife should be someone for whom her husband can place his trust in her so that he has no need of other women satisfying his sexual needs. The marriage vows state that you agree to HAVE AND TO HOLD. Have is simply a euphemism for sex. In the dictionary under unfaithful, it does not just mean someone cheating on a spouse, it also means that a spouse is unfaithful to their marriage vows in denying the partner's needs. Yet you women refuse to look any of this and continue to want to deny your husband's needs any time that you feel like it.
How is this love?
I think you are telling women they have to have sex whether or not they want to. That is forcing someone, even if you would never tell a husband to do it by holding his wife down.
Telling women that if they don't have sex with a man more than once a week, he'll cheat is emotional blackmail. Blaming women and saying they're starving their men and they owe a man sex is a horrible basis for a loving marriage - or any kind of good sex.
You are not talking about any kind of mutuality here. Perhaps some men have bad sex lives because they haven't taken the time to provide love, romance, and good sex in the past. If they run off and cheat when they have problems, they just make the problems in their own relationship worse. There is certainly nothing in the Bible that say that kind of behavior is okay.
If a man is unhappy with his sex life, he needs to work with his wife on it. If she is preoccupied with children, help her get time away from them. Just as if a husband is depressed because he lost his job, the wife should cheer him up, not put demands on him.
A woman who has sex with her husband out of fear that he will cheat is not going to be a good lover. You need to start with two people trying to improve their lives together.
Hi southernwriter57,
"Forced sex" between a husband and wife is not hang up for me. I mentioned it in my response because "BookMama" seems to find it a very strong reason to disagree with your post. I do not think one should use the bible as a guide for human nature since for some sex can become as powerful as the worst addition and I do not think this is what you suggest. My goal was to suggest that any simple definition of relationships and infidelity do not apply. I believe there are more women in relationships with me who cheat (and the women know it) then there are who make it public. Those of us on the outside - judging - have no idea unless we have thought of having a relationship with someone other than our spouse. Once one has the first thought of another person, the understanding of infidelity becomes very clear. I think you, southernwriter57, a single woman and sex coach must know exactly what this is and how it is as strong as the worst addiction one might encounter.
Let us chat more about this offline.
benbree
How could it be okay for women to have sex when they don't want to? What kind of marriage is that? What kind of husband wants that?
What do you tell guys if they can't get it up more than once a week? Do you make them perform cunnilingus when they're not in the mood? Do you tell husbands to strap on a dildo and think of England?
If a woman doesn't want to have sex, you need to figure out why, not turn it into another unpleasant duty like the laundry.
Your comments are similar to the 60% of the women out there who have their husband on a starvation diet once a week. They feel perfectly justified in denying their husbands sex.
The Bible is very egalitarian in its treatment of sex. It states in I Cor 7 that the husband and the wife have to satisfy their partners when they feel like it. It states that your body is not your own but your partner's. It also states in Hebrews that "the marriage bed is undefiled in all"". This means that anything that you want to do in the bedroom between husband and wife is permissable.
Yes I am saying that you need to take care of each other's needs whether you feel like it or not.
Using your logic, then it is okay not to feed and change a baby because you "don't feel like it". Or worse yet, it is okay to kill a baby because you don't feel like having it.
That is not to say that there are not guys out there who don't know how to satisfy a woman because there is no school for sex to teach them how. That is why I have written my book entitled: YOU CAN ACHIEVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE TOO.
As a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, I would be happy to chat with any of the readers if you contact me at my professional email site marriagecoach1 at yahoo dot com.
What bothers me most here is the misuse of Christianity to bully women into having sex. There is a place for helping a couple to figure out together how to have sex more often. That is not the same thing as telling women that they are starving their husbands if they only have sex once a week. Trying to scare women that men will cheat on them if they can't have everything they want is also wrong.
The fundamental principle of the New Testament is love. Love does not push your partner to have sex when they don't want to.
I do not interpret the Bible as literally as you do, but I happen to have a couple of marriage manuals by the LaHayes on hand. They quote a Dr. Herbert Miles as saying "All sex experiences should be those which both husband and wife want. Neither, at any time, should force the other to do anything that he does not want to do. Love does not force."
Or here, where a man has asked how to get his wife to try different sexual positions, the LaHayes reply:
"One of the things about the act of marriage is that it is an expression of love. If it gets to the point where it becomes an expression of sex, then you are looking for something more than what you have. Count your blessings; there are many couples who can't even enjoy the missionary position. If your wife is happy with you making love on top, you should be praising the Lord that you have that kind of relationship."
no one would agree with forcing women to have sex against their will and yet women feel perfectly acceptable to force the husband to do WITHOUT SEX AGAINST HIS WILL.
If you look up the word unfaithful, it is not simply defined as cheating on a spouse, but it is also defined as breaking the marriage ivows in denying the spouse sex.
You shyould be careful in quoting people. The LeHayes are widely discredited as sex counselors because they don't believe in oral sex, or vibratorrs. They believe that interccourse is the only way for a woman to have acliimax. It is widely known among sexual authorities that only about 35% of women can have a climax during intercourse,
That's interesting about the LaHayes. Their book doesn't actually say anything against oral sex or vibrators, although I think you are probably right.
They do, however, explicitly say that a woman's clitoris must be stimulated for her to have an orgasm. I don't think their book says intercourse is the only way to have an orgasm, although I suspect they are trying to get women to orgasm during intercourse.
In any case, I think they are right that married sex should be about love and therefore you shouldn't push someone to do something they don't want to.
Where is your statistic coming from? Do the 60% of couples having sex once a week or less include people who are older? Couples who've just had a baby and are too tired? Couples who are sick or temporarily disabled? Couples where the man has prostate cancer?
In other words, what makes you think all those couples have men who want sex more often than once a week? It's natural for couples to have less sex as they get older and at certain times in their lives. Some people want less sex than others and that's okay, too.
I'm sure there's no place in the Bible that says a man NEEDS sex twice a week or he will die. Men are not babies. If they can be celibate for 20+ years before they get married, they can wait a whole week without cheating on their wife. In fact, religious Jews believe that they can't have sex for a portion of every month when their wife is menstruating.
And the Bible is egalitarian, but are you? Do you advise men that they must continue pleasing their wife after they ejaculate if she has not had an orgasm? Do you tell men who have trouble getting an erection that they must have sex anyway?
There are numerous studies out there that are widely and commonly available including Web MD and Redbook as well as the Kinsey Institute thqat all agree that couples on average are only having sex once a week or less.
You mention the ecceptions to the rule, but they are simly exceptions and are not statistically significant.
I must certainly in my book and in my practice teach men how to pleasure their womn and tell them that it is ladies first where I teach the men to give women several orgasms before they take their own plesuure adn to give them orgasms even after the man is done becauase once a woman is aroused, she can have multiple orgasms.
My point is that 60% of couples have sex once a week or less is not the same thing as 60% of wives are denying sex to their husbands. Many of those couples could just not want sex. Any large group of couples is going to include older couples who seem to naturally have less sex. There would be some couples that are ill. There would be some couples where the man doesn't want to have sex as much as the wife.
I think it's great you tell men to satisfy women. But do you tell them if their wife has a higher sex drive than they do, they have to have sex?
You keep wanting to disprove the rule by the exception. The 60% represents the normal thing that it is the wives depriving the husband of sex.
As to husbands satisfying the wives when they don't want to, I most definitely teach them that they are required by their marriage vows to do just that.
The Bible is clear and unambigous on this and is also egalitarian (meaning equal rights for both husband and wife).
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevovench: and also likewise also the wife unto the husband. The has not poewer of her own body, but the husband adn likewise also the husband has not power of his his own bodhy, but the wife. Defraud one another except if it be with CONSENT for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer: and come together again, tath Satan does not tempt you for your incontenency. I Corinthians 7: 3-5
Well, Elizabeth Edwards thought she wasn't the kind of wife who gets cheated on until it happened. Exactly what kind of wife gets cheated on anyway?
http://www.yourtango.com/200925478/kind-wife-who-gets-cheated
Powerful men cheat because of the constant ego boost they get every day. Wearing the suit, being waited on by secretaries, being groveled at by youthful peers,.........and then they go home and get yelled at because for the 4th time that month they forgot to take the trash cans down to the curb. Gee, why of course, the nerve! So, sex with the same old babe gets old, especially after 20 years. And she isn't in the same top shape due to 3 pregnancies, maybe one miscarrage or two also. Then there is, wow, how great **** I LOOK***** at work and the grovel appeal of the throngs there . Mix to it the fact these guys HAVE LEARNED through the years just how to get the attentions of the opposite sex. And it works so well with the younger ones! Then all it takes is the right opportunity, and it's all easy street all the way because..... she is either 'flattered' or completely desperate. Sad but true.
@ Southwestsky
Your Grandfather was a wise man!
Who is Steve? and why is Steve so important in your discussion when the topic is Why Powerful men cheat?
Not All Black men consider themselves "Playas" PLEASE REFER TO YOUR GRANDFATHER'S Quote at the beginning of your comment. That goes for ALL men, not just Black men.
Kobe is not a RAPIST. He has committed ADULTEREY, Just like Senator Edwards.
With status comes the good, the bad, and the ugly. It should be understood that powerful men cheat. I am NOT saying that is right! It has just been proven over and over and time and time and again. If a married man wants to gamble with his life knowing what he has at risk to loose; to me they don't care. The fact that Mrs. Edwards said it was her fault, she came from an old school train of thought. She is not wrong and She is not right.
My grandfather used to tell us young men, "Give a man a 'big dick and money" , and he will find ways to bring ruin to himself. Steve was a "black man", and black men call themselves "playas" even though such infantile mentality makes the entire ethnic group silly. Kobe Bryant is still considered a rapist. Women and men need to do a "crash" course in understanding the differences in the genders. When a man is doing the "motion in the ocean" he is solely concerned about how he is going to get that "acorn", and the subsequent volcanic eruption in the ocean. A woman is lying there with him thinking about having his baby, building a family life with a house and white pickett fence. A booty call is all it is for most men, and if women are going to play those games, they have to understand where they stand with such famous star athletes.
Well, Elizabeth Edwards seems to blame herself for it all. Here's my opinion on that:
http://www.yourtango.com/200925478/kind-wife-who-gets-cheated
It wasn't that he had an affair, it was how did he pay for it that started this. Politicians, Rock Stars, Oil Men, Truck drivers, Sales men, military, ministers, spouses of the terminally ill.....now lets start on their wives.....
We hear about it because they are public figures. Has nobody noticed how much Enquiring Mind crap you have to weed through in the news to get to the Informative Mind News? As sad as it is I know of 3 brother-in-laws who had affairs, I am the bratty baby sister....yet, all sisters stopped having sex for 5-16 years due to cancer treatments or terminal illness surgeries....don't forget his wife is going through how much treatment and surgeries for how long? Yes, I would have an affair as well. So let's be fare here shall we? This all got brought in because of the question on how it all was paid for, she originally did not want him to run because she knew it would come out.....Standing by your spouse during these times is one thing, but I can say I am human and sexually aware enough, as my brother-in-laws, that I would be in need of an affair if I was in the same situation. She can't...so he did...
Men can and will always cheat if a man aint cheating I bet you he is thinking about it or he's thinking if an oppurtunity came about he would do it. Well I dont see it as cheating because couples that been married for a long time eventually start doing there own thing and still stay together whats wrong with that even I get tired of my girlfriends food from time to time what I do go out to eat that dont mean I wont ever eat her food again it so much women in the world you make us look like horrible people how could you stand being around someone 24/7 for twenty thirty years I mean some people divorce after that long if it were me I would've divorce years before so you cant come with your sexiest bull because I know women who live double lives and will take it to the grave everybody saying look at Bill and Hilary. Hilary is a ride a die till death do us part there is no other man out there for her and she knows that were human I wish women would just honest with us guys for once I think about other women all the time is that cheating is it cheating if I look what I cant have females friends anymore remember there is 10 women to 1 guy. can a women say that no too emotional it will crush your spirit make you feel dirty in the inside if you were married to this powerful guy and you know he cheated would you leave him. mind you said powerful guy I bet you no because you already knew what you were getting into another reason why no cause you wont find another powerful guy unless you were powerful yourself
So do powerful men cheat disproportionately more than "non-powerful" men, or do they just get a lot more publicity?
And do men really cheat more than women? The latest statistics on *that* show the gap is narrowing perceptibly.
Powerful men cheat because they normally have bigger ego's. They got the money, witch a lot of women like. And the power alone is worth the woman bragging. But generally the rest of us are to blame for helping people like this get to where they are. We just keep patting them on the back and telling them how great they are. Of course they are going to believe it, and start to test their boundaries. Any of us in their shoes would probably do the same thing.
Men, powerful or not, cheat because they can. Some men seem to believe it is the way it is – here I find myself on a business trip, my wife is not here, and I know a lady friend who wants to take care of me for the evening – no one will ever know. For most of these encounters – no one ever does. Not all folks kiss and tell and I believe many understand the fling for what it is – a fling. Now powerful guys have many disadvantages here and should know better. The crazy thing is that powerful guys CAN get away with a lot more than most and I believe for every affair discovered; there are at least 5 more hidden.
While I cannot speak for powerful women, I believe powerful women get off differently. I absolutely believe that every time a powerful woman hears the roar of the crowd, wins a business deal, or gets one of her children an advantage – she scores. I see this celebration in my wife and I understand just as you see the wives of powerful men stand by these men after the affair – these wives also understand.
I think a big reason powerful men cheat is because they can. They face a lot more temptation than other men. Younger women offer to show them their thong underwear. Fans want to be able to say they slept with a rock star. Dedicated campaigners tell them they're like Gandhi, even though they're cheating on their wife with a woman they picked up in a bar. Employees or students look up to them and admire them. And sometimes they do get away with things and that may add to their feeling of being above the rest of us.
The real question to me is why don't powerful women cheat? Are they less attracted to adoring younger men who don't match their achievements? Are they less able to believe that they are still attractive because of what we hear about older women? Do powerful women see through flattery and idolization better? Are they more worried about what it would do to their careers?
Spitzer is still a mystery to me, though. What he did was so clearly foolish and self-inflicted.
Well stated, I agree 100%. Powerful men tend to have charisma and there is no short supply of adoring followers who would jump at the chance of having some of that attention being focused on them.
As for powerful women, I like to think that they are more immune because, often, it doesn't seem like it's charisma that got them where they are but sheer talent and determination. Just compare Bill to Hilary.
