Are Same-Sex Hook-Ups Cheating?

By YourTango

same-sex hookups cheating
She's bi-curious but engaged. Cathi and Dan advise.

For the best advice on sex, love, dating and relationships we ask two experts with personal experience. Cathi Hanauer is the author, most recently, of Sweet Ruin, a novel about love, marriage, and adultery. Daniel Jones is the editor of both the "Modern Love" column for The New York Times, and Modern Love, an anthology derived from the column. They've been married for 15 years, and together they provide a his and hers take on relationship questions. This round: same-sex hook-ups.

Question: I just got engaged to my boyfriend of two years, and I feel regretful that I never had a sexual experience with a woman—even though I'm pretty sure I'm straight. Is it too late for me to explore this fantasy? –Vanessa, 29

Her Take: Ask yourself why you feel regretful. Is it because you realize that saying "I do" will limit what you can do? Or is it because you're not really sure you're straight?

Both answers are worth contemplating, but the latter is a definite concern. If lesbian sex is something you crave, find out now. (If you realize you do, think hard about whether you're ready to get married. I'd say not.) Or, is there any chance you could tell your fiance about this fantasy?

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